Um, Overheard, Okay

By John

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Two guys, in an English class.)

Guy 1: Dude, why are you dressed up?

Guy 2: We’re reading “The Crucible.” It’s about a town that gets rid of all its witches. That’s why I have the hat.

(Guy, singing at a party.)

Guy: Ooh, I get Boggle with help from my friends. Mm, gonna Boggle with help from my friends. Do you neee-eeed any Boggle? I want some Boggle to love.

(English professor, thinking out loud.)

Prof: See, I wouldn’t count myself as a human being until, oh, about 15 or 16. And even that was problematic.

(Girl, watching a boffer club practice.)

Girl: I’m afraid that if I went over and talked to them, I’d just fall in love with how stupid and terrible and depressing they all are.

(Girl and guy talking on the street.)

Guy: Ugh, my phone’s dead.

Girl: Did you hook up with someone last night?

(Girl, smoking outside a dorm.)

Girl: Bo ho ho! Bwo ho ho ho! I’m Princess Leia, and I loooove sour cream!

(Two guys, in a newspaper office.)

Guy 1: Hey, did you make some coffee?

Guy 2: Yes. Don’t take any, or you’re fired.

Guy 1: I already had some, actually.

Guy 2: You’re fired. Wait, when did it start raining? That was you. You’re fired again.

(People in a Shakespeare class.)

Prof: What is everyone’s favorite Shakespeare play, anyway?

Student 1:  Romeo and Juliet.

Student 2: I guess… Romeo and Juliet.

Student 3: Romeo and Juliet.

Student 4: I like a lot of them, but I’d have to say Romeo and Juliet is my favorite.

Student 5: Romeo and Juliet – it’s just so unique!

(Linguistics professor, introducing a grammar topic.)

Prof: This is grammar. Grammar is not love. It’s sphincter-like.

(Kid in a class.)

Guy: Professor, I’m sorry I wasn’t in class last week. I was sick with Hulu.

(Two guys, talking outside the Student Union.)

Guy 1: I’m going to D.C. this weekend.

Guy 2: Oh man! Visiting your girlfriend? Dude, invite me. I love your girlfriend.

Guy 1: Uh, okay -

Guy 2: She’s so awesome! Man, why doesn’t she spend more time up here?

Guy 1: Um. Okay.