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When It Comes To The Booty Call, Always Be Prepared

messy dorm room

No one's getting booty in this room. Trust.

It’s the Scout Motto: Always be prepared. But I don’t think my Girl Scout troop leader was referring to booty calls when she ingrained that piece of advice into my head.

On a college campus you never know who you’re going to meet… and then want to take back to your room… to get to know each other better. The last thing you want is to bring a suitor home one night and have them leave the next morning without their wallet because it’s lost in a sea of your dirty laundry (true story). Or worse, bring them home and have them remember they have “somewhere to be” (at 3 a.m.) after spotting your My Little Pony collection on your nightstand.

Being prepared for spontaneity may be an oxymoron, but it has safely guarded my dignity and late night encounters thus far. Here are a few life tips I have adapted in my quest to divide and conquer, without letting those boys see my Spanx.

Good Idea: Have some sexy lingerie out on the bed. There’s no reason your guy can’t be led to believe that you sleep in see-through nightgowns every night of the week. He can file that one away right alongside “girls never poop.”
Bad Idea
: Procrastination and laundry are my two archenemies, but it’s simply never a good idea to have your dirty laundry sprawled across the floor, including the granny panties you’ve been wearing all week. Helpful tip: no one will see it when it’s stuffed at the bottom of your closet.

Good Idea: Having pictures of your friends displayed throughout your room.
Bad Idea
: Having a framed picture of your dad holding a 12-gauge shotgun. Let’s be real. That’s not going to set the mood.

Good Idea: Candles may be banned in dorm rooms, but try your best to keep your room smelling nice. The scent of fresh laundry or perfume wafting through your room will keep your guy coming back for more. Or, at the very least, he won’t be repulsed by the aroma of old milk and mildew.
Bad Idea:
Having three half-eaten boxes of pizza scattered around the room. Two-day old pepperoni has an unforgettable scent that is sure to make you gag upon catching a whiff. Moldy cheese is not an aphrodisiac – don’t forget that.

Good Idea: A freshly made bed with crisp sheets and fluffy pillows.
Bad Idea: A freshly made bed covered in 42 pillows shaped like cats.

Good Idea: Continual bikini line and leg hair maintenance.
Bad Idea:
Not shaving from November to April to reduce your heating bill and still keep warm. He may love to stroke your hair, but not when it’s on your legs.

Good Idea: Having a copy of the Kama Sutra on your bookshelf amongst other notable books and novels. Impressive and sexy. Now he can love you for your brains and your sexual prowess.
Bad Idea:
Asking him to read you a few chapters of Twilight before bed. It’s either that or a chapter from Sex for Dummies, which has a prominent place on your nightstand. Awkward.

Good Idea: Having a variety of condoms readily available to you.
Bad Idea:
No matter what anyone says, neither saran wrap nor chicken skin is an acceptable form of birth control.

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Eliza says:

      This reminds me of the shorts from The Animaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures with Mr. Skullhead…Mr. Skullhead Goes To College. Is that weird?

    2. burnov says:

      This is all hooey.

      Men don't care what a woman's apartment looks like if he's going to nail her.

      She could have everything up to rotting beef briskets swaying on meathooks attached to the ceiling and he'd still probably shag the broad.

    3. Kate says:

      The clothes thing is so true. The first time I had a guy come into my room he picked up one of my tie dye shirts and proceeded to ask "Hey did you make. . ." he stopped when my under wear fell to the ground. SO Embarrassing! The mood was awkward and he eventually left, damn.

    4. sara says:

      OMG that losing the wallet thing happened to me too!!!! So embarassing!!! I love this article and I agree- a girl must be prepared at all times!!!!

    5. Michael says:

      Don't really understand why underwear is embarrassing. I mean, shouldn't everyone reasonably expect girls to have a wide variety of underwear because different underwears have different purposes? Not sure why girls are so caught up in all that stuff, I'm fairly certain it is considerably less important to them than it is to you.

      By the way, a picture of a girl's dad with a gun would be pretty funny. I'd get a kick out of that.

    6. […] – Getting ready for unscheduled boot-knocking is simple… […]

    7. michelle says:

      hahaha i use that excuse when people ask me why my legs are so hairy in the middle of winter lol.

    8. mollination says:

      LOL BURNOV! That mental image was priceless.

    9. Abroughman says:

      thought this article was funny. A clean room is must…Although you don't want to freak a guy out with pink lighting, candles, incests and lingere on the bed? if he's smart his psycho alarm will be wailing you'll have him running for the door.

    10. Joe says:

      Yeah, if you're hot, what your room looks like really doesn't matter. If the bed can be located and used, you're all set.

    11. heather says:

      So, this article has spurred me to procrastinate writing a paper by cleaning my room. *thumbs up* Thank-you.

    12. […] We came across this great article on CollegeCandy, “When It Comes To The Booty Call, Always Be Prepared.” […]

    13. Jana says:

      There is a lot of truth in this :-)

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