Overheard: Toilet Ale

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Two guys, at a bar.)

Guy: I have a really good pickup line.

Guy 2: Yeah?

Guy: It’s kind of specific, though. It only works if on a black female thermophysicist.

(Guy, after watching the “Avatar” trailer.)

Guy: It looks like… ‘Gears of War’ meets ‘Fern Gully.’

(Computer science Professor, in a morning class.)

Prof: But watch! When you treat it as a mergesort, it becomes an “log n” algorithm instead of a “n log n” algorithm! F**k yeah!

(Girl, making a 911 call.)

Girl: Hi. We’re at the newspaper. We think everything’s fine. The building’s probably not burning down.

(During a break in class, girl reading a text aloud)

Girl: Praising God and condemning sex with men!

(Guys, dressing to go out.)

Guy 1: Shit! You can’t wear a tie! Now I’ve got to wear a tie!

Guy 2: And so the fashion arms race begins.

Guy 1: I’m getting my cummerbund.

(Guy, before a class.)

Guy: What I don’t understand is why you don’t just convert people into energy with “E equals MC squared.” It would be so much easier to compute.

(Professor, in class)

Professor: He’s an electrician. He knows about crime.

(Girl, watching “Star Wars”)

Girl: The physics of this makes no sense! There’s no sound in space! Stop! Stop all of this! … God, why do I talk?

(Guy, on the phone with a delivery guy.)

Guy: Okay. Yeah, sure, that’s no problem. All right. Bye. … He had to stop for gas. I told him it was fine. It was the most human moment I’ve ever had with a delivery man.

(Girl, talking to friends.)

Girl: I always imagined that you could just use the Force on your shoes, and fly. But then I guess you’d have to use the Force on all your other clothes, too, or you’d just be getting dragged around the sky by your feet.

(Two girls, eating dinner.)

Girl 1: I got some pumpkin ale. It’s in season!

Girl 2: Oh my god. What?

Girl 1: Pumpkin ale! Like, with nutmeg.

Girl 2: I thought you said ‘toilet ale.’