I’m Torn: Facebook Official
Okay, so as if the world of flirting/dating/hooking up in dark corners wasn’t already confusing enough, we now have Facebook thrown in the mix. You can poke the cutie from Calculus, send some racy “private messages,” and maybe even send a condom or two his way.
But when you actually really like the guy, and have even gone on a couple dates (aka met for lunch in the caf or taken a stroll through the plaza) the whole Facebook situation gets ten times more complicated.
And that brings us to the “relationship status.” It sits in the corner of our profiles taunting us. “You’re still single??” it screams (accompanied by Facebook ads luring you to Match.com). But when you are seeing someone it’s even worse, nagging you day after day. “Are you official yet?! It’s been a month! Come on already!”
I don’t know how I feel about this little option. I won’t deny that it’s exciting to finally make the official switch to “in a relationship,” but the extra pressure it adds to my love life is a major negative.
Obviously, I’m torn.
The fact that making a relationship Facebook official clears up a significant amount of issues surrounding a new relationship. First of all, there is none of that sitting up late at night with your roommate, dissecting his text messages and the way he hugged you goodbye. Does he want a commitment? Is he not sure? Of course he’s sure! He just changed his relationship status! It sort of brings us back to those Pleasantville days when a guy simply pinned his girl and that was that; when you have been “Facebook officialed” you’re a couple. Done.
Ah, dating has become so black and white.
And when it finally does happen you can inform all of your 1,345 friends instantly. No need to pick up the phone and tell everyone you’ve finally met a great guy when his entire life history, complete with photos, is only a friend request away.
And I have to admit, it is freakin’ exciting. Being able to finally tell that little relationship box, and the rest of the online community, that you are officially “in a relationship”! You will be bombarded with little red number notifications, since everyone “likes” this new change. And it will feel great.
How official is official anyway?! Is it enough that we text during class and make out every Friday night? And what if you think it’s official, but you have yet to receive the relationship confirmation request. What can you really say to clear up the confusion? “Uh…hey, I was wondering, can we be Facebook official yet?” If this isn’t pitiful, I don’t know what is.
Then there’s the rejection; what if you just want to have fun, and the guy totally jumps the gun and makes it official? (Or vice-versa – we can’t deny that we tend to fall a tad too quickly). You don’t want to hurt his feelings (because you totally want to have him available for a booty call at all times of the night) but if you accept, everyone else will think you are a couple, which would severely hinder your chances of meeting other cute guys on campus.
Finally: the break up. As if they aren’t awkward already. Now you have to have 1,345 people feeling sorry for you and sending their condolences. Not to mention all your girlfriends “liking” it and leaving comments like “you deserve better anyway,” and “were going to get WASTED tonight!!” Some of these breakups are actually really painful for both parties, and making it unofficial on Facebook totally trivializes it. Not to mention that both of you have to deal with reading the others friends’ plans to take your ex-significant-other out to get wasted and hook up.
And when is it appropriate to make it un-official anyway? Is the next morning too insensitive? Does waiting a week make you seem desperate and clingy? It seems like there isn’t a right answer. Breakups take time, and Facebook doesn’t have “in the process of moving on” as a relationship option.
What does everyone else think? Do you love being able to solidify your relationship via Facebook or does it make the dating even more stressful (if that’s even possible)?