Would You Like a Vagina Mint?

First there was douche. We let those commercials for vagina potpourri slide by, even though sucking out our precious woman fluids isn’t healthy. Then came the WaterWorks commercials, which literally advertise a mini showerhead you stick up your vaginal canal to rinse it (the technology was taken from chefs who use it to eliminate the odors of onions, fish and garlic. For real). Then wet wipes started popping up on toilet tanks nationwide. And now….the vagina mint.

Yes, an Altoid for your lady parts.

Linger, the company behind this crazy idea, has created a sweetened mint “which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused.” This slow releasing tablet freshens your…er…vagina breath (?) for up to 60 minutes so that “your partner will want to spend more time tasting the new you.”

And all I have to say is…. well, I have a lot to say.

“The new you”?! This isn’t a new me, it’s the old me with a mint shoved up my cooter. This whole “women need to be super self conscious about their vaginas” thing is getting old. If you shower on a regular basis, your vagina and its odor are completely fine. The secretions are natural, and necessary to keep our lady parts healthy. And I think it’s about time we love our vaginas, and all the natural juices that come with them.

Not to mention that this tin of mints costs $8. Why don’t we just shove a stick of Spearmint up our vagina’s? A pack only costs 3 bucks and it would do the same thing. And since when have vagina’s become monsters with dragon breath and a set of vampire teeth ready to chomp away on a mint?

I say absolutely not, Linger. When men start Febreezing their balls pre-foreplay, we’ll consider mints for the lady parts. Until then, whoever is “spending time tasting me” will just have to suck it up (pun intended) and enjoy the old, me. Natural flavors and all.