Ask A Dude: Help Me Help My Man
Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?
We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to AskTheDude@CollegeCandy.com and he’ll give it to you straight, whether you want to hear that you’re being a bitch or not. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you.
Alright Dude, here goes:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years now and I love him to pieces. Our relationship is pretty great except there is one thing that is bothering me: his acne. He’s 21 and still has acne all over his face, back, and chest. Understandably, this can be a major turnoff for me sometimes (getting up close and personal with whiteheads isn’t really sexy). He currently doesn’t use any skincare products or see a dermatologist.
So… is there any way I can tactfully suggest he start a skincare regimen or see a dermatologist? Or should I just forget about it and deal with it? I love him a lot and don’t want to offend or hurt him. I also know that if his skin cleared up he would gain a lot of confidence because sometimes he is insecure about his looks. Any advice from a guy’s perspective would be much appreciated!
Dear Spotty Situation,
First of all, let me just say that if more men were like women more relationships would stay together in the world. The fact that women can willingly love men (despite our many flaws), is commendable, admirable and adorable (in the least). Never the less, although men are not always perfect at blindly loving women (and ignoring their imperfections), we easily reflect this talent on ourselves. If there is anyone that loves a man the most in the world (other than, perhaps, his grandmother), it’s himself.
I know that I have lived most of my life feeling like I am “the man”, and that “man” may find it very hard to see himself any other way. Even though your boyfriend is likely aware (and already insecure) about his current complexional state, he may not be entirely open to hearing that it bothers you too. This is definitely a case of “handle with care” (and perhaps some Benzoyl Peroxide). Tread lightly in how you approach this situation. Since all men are different (and chicks love projects), try an approach that subtly increases in intensity.
Step 1: approach him with your latest Proactive “discount,” say you want to buy the package deal but there will be too much leftover product…will he help you take it off your hands? (We love a good damsel in distress). If this fails to be proactive (in the non skin cleanser sense of the word), up the ante with a sudden trip to the dermatologist for an annual skin exam. Sign him up. If your guy is still not clear (whether his brain or skin), shoot it to him straight (making sure to throw as many additional strokes in to the deal as needed…whether ego or otherwise). Tell him you love him, you are deeply attracted to him, but you felt a lot better when you started using a certain cream, regimen or doctor…and encourage him to join in on your habits.
In the end, if the man feels that a lot of the focus is put on you (and not his faults), he will likely be a lot more willing to see your perspective, face the facts, grow a pair…and pull out that toner.
Hopefully that will help you guys get up close and personal.