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Hey Jon Gosselin: The Jews Don’t Want You!
Oy vey.
Last week, AOL’s Parent Dish blog posted an interview with Jon Gosselin in which the revolting reality star revealed that he’s flirting with Judaism. His current girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, is a Member of the Tribe herself, and she’s apparently turned him on to the wonders of Jewish holidays and munchies: “I just went through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur and learned about the new year and every Friday is the Shabbat dinner. I love challah bread. I’m learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar’s. I love that place. I’m learning about kosher and when not to order a bacon, egg and cheese and make an ass of myself,” he said.
The interviewer then asked Jon if he can see himself converting, and he replied by saying that he’s already spoken to Rabbi Shmuley, star of TLC’s Shalom in the Home and Michael Jackson’s former BFF.
Jon’s only the latest in a long line of public figures who have made headlines by dabbling in Judaism—Britney Spears was spotted wearing a Star of David this summer, fueling rumors that she was switching religious teams to get closer to once and current boyfriend Jason Trawick. Lindsay Lohan reportedly announced on Facebook that she was converting for Samantha Ronson, although it’s unclear whether she went through with it since she and Sam split up last spring. And don’t forget about Madonna, whose uber-Christian name makes her devotion to Kabbalah insanely ironic.
I totally understand why stars would want to become Chosen People themselves. Our holidays are fun (we’ve got at least two that instruct those celebrating to get hammered), our food is incredible, and we’ve got pretty deep ties to the entertainment industry. Plus, I’m sure they think that doing anything that makes them more like Marilyn Monroe couldn’t hurt.
But here’s the thing: we Jews aren’t exactly excited about the prospect of welcoming idiot celebrities into our culture. Britney, Jewish girls get a bad enough reputation for being crazy—we don’t need you to make things worse. That goes double for Lindsay, who should also know that Jewish girls generally are sensible enough to wear a pair of pants once in awhile. And I think I speak for everyone I went to Hebrew School with when I say that I never, ever want to be in a position where I have anything in common with Jon Gosselin.
Okay, so Jon, Britney, and Lindsay wouldn’t exactly ruin the religion—especially since we’ve had bigger crises to deal with recently—but they wouldn’t be doing us any favors, either. Like any minority group, Jews love feeling a sense of pride when they see prominent fellow Jews succeeding. Likewise, we can’t help but feel disappointed when a Jew does something stupid. I think I’d be feeling a whole lot of disappointment if Jon Gosselin started regularly noshing on bagels and lighting candles on Friday nights.
Hailey Glassman, you’re breaking your mother’s heart. I hope you’re happy.
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shari says:
Fri, 16th Oct 20091:04 pm
i LOVE LOVE LOVE this article! <3
Lois Freeman says:
Mon, 19th Oct 20095:48 am
This is great. When I was in university, when ever someone did something really stupid my friend Cindy would ask, "Is he one of ours?"
Jon has a bit to learn if he thinks there's a good time to order a bacon and cheese sandwhich.
Jennifer says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20094:08 am
It's a good thing God isn't hateful like this synagogue is. God accepets everyone; you get a running start to make the right choices in life. If you fail to do that, YOU yourself are the one who chooses NOT to have God or religion in your own life. It's one's own choice. The people in this synagogue are putting themselves in judgment's seat; they are mere mortals and don't have ethe right to do this. Things like this are why there are wars among nations. It's terrible.
Karen says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20099:30 am
Yeah, Jews sound mean and judgemental in this article.
I guess loving your brother is out.
Karen says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20099:31 am
Jew people are mean.
I made a funny.
Jane says:
Tue, 20th Oct 200912:25 pm
His reasons for thinking of becoming Jewish are like a 3 year old saying he wants to go to college so he can play on the steps of the building. None of these "celebrities" "notorious ones" have a clue what Judaism is about. And, why does the press encourage "Mad"onna in the thinking that one can mess around with Kabbalah in her hokey way, and it means she is Jewish. It is embarrassing and foolish. If a Hindustani(Hindi) makes the sign of the cross or thinks Christmas trees are pretty, it does not make him/her a Catholic.
Christine says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20094:17 pm
you have Bernie Madoff in your tribe what could be worse than that.
Lisette says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20096:40 pm
Was that sign really necessary or is that someone's idea of a joke? I would be humiliated if my house of worship posted a sign like that about someone.
Julissa says:
Tue, 20th Oct 20097:20 pm
Remember Borat and the running of the Jews???? LMFAO!!!!!!!!! Jews smell like Turducken. Shit.
Beverly says:
Wed, 21st Oct 200912:36 am
Julissa, your comment is disgusting.
Karen, you are very ignorant of how Jewish people are, obviously.
Hatred is like an acid: it destroys the vessel in which it is stored just like it destroys that upon which it is poured. If you try real hard, you might be able to figure that out.
Donna says:
Wed, 21st Oct 20092:11 am
Jon has shown his true colors. Any faith should be willing to welcome a person sincere in their desire to convert. Jon is looking to belong. He belongs with his children, being involved in their lives and guiding them in life. He is so off base now, how will this all end? Kate Plus 8 will keep the children involved and experiencing life in the manner that they have become accustomed as well and supporting them financially.
Jon will not financially support his family because he has chosen the wild side of life.
bryony1 says:
Mon, 9th Nov 20099:17 pm
Jon Gosselin is just trying to attract media attention, and he'll do anything to get it. All that talk about Jewish food; yeah, he's so sincere, all right.
Rebekkah says:
Tue, 10th Nov 20095:37 am
This article and most responses are RIDICULOUS! First of all Jon is Christian, not Jewish…BIG DIFFERENCE…for starters…we (christians) are waiting for the second coming for OUR messiah…jews are not. i am hopeful he will not forsake Christ! BIG MISTAKE Jon!!! Get OVER the "entertaining" side of Judaism…paleeezzzee! Remember where you were taking your children to church and what they were taught…do not sell your soul for "a good time". Wake up…and one more thing how can a so called house of worship post such a disgusting sign??? I AM NOT A JON GOSSELIN FAN, EITHER! Hopefully, Kate will protect the kids and make sure they are raised in the Christian faith!
Desirae says:
Mon, 4th Jan 20109:03 am
Wow, Rebekkah… You're a douche. A douche with a very Jewish name, I might add.
Jon and Kate could start and stop with raising their kids to be decent people, religious affiliation aside, if they so choose. If Jon wants to convert, whatever floats his boat. Hopefully he'll get his priorities straight. In the mean time, I doubt he's "selling his soul" by enjoying the Shabbat dinner.
Amber Berglund says:
Thu, 7th Jan 20109:02 am
Hey Hillary,
You don't want to be associated with "stupid celebrities" like Madonna and Britney Spears but you're totally ok with the occupation of Palestine? You're totally ok with Israeli police arresting a group of women, praying at the wailing wall, based on charges that these women violated existing misogynistic laws. You think it's fine and dandy for Israeli soldiers to shoot holes in Palestinian water tanks, because G-d forbid the Palestinians should be able to drink water, or bathe, or water their crops.
Trust me, there isn't anything that Jon Gosselin can do to embarrass the Jewish People more than what they are already doing in Occupied Palestine… or what the Jewish People have done to their own Jewish Women.