Project Runway Rundown: Christina Aguilera Gets an E For Effort

I have to admit – it’s becoming somewhat painful to watch Project Runway this season and find things to write about. Unlike seasons past where designers say and do funny things beyond whipping up runway looks, all things more than worthy of writing about, this season is a whole lot of blah. And it’s impossible to write about blah.

Perhaps that’s why the producers decided to bring in Bob Mackie and Christina Aguilera last night. Maybe a little sequins would liven things up a bit?

Too bad it didn’t work. I mean, absolutely nothing about this challenge worked. The designers were instructed to take some inspiration from Mr. Mackie and go all out on a stage design for Christina Aguilera. CHRISTINA FREAKING AGUILERA. A woman known for her strong voice and her awesomely choreographed shows.

Not a woman known for living in a cave and tearing meat from dead animal carcasses with her teeth, Logan.

And not a woman who is currently retired and heading to the Assisted Living Annual Ball, Jordana.

I’d like to think that in a subconscious homage to their good friend Epperson, the designers misunderstood Tim Gunn’s assignment. Maybe they were struck dumb by all of Bob Mackie’s brilliance and instead of hearing “Christina” they heard “Junior Prom in the Midwest”? All that sparkle. All that glitz. Seriously, I walked away for a minute to grab a snack during the show and missed the part where the designers got their assignment. When I came back in and saw what everyone was picking up at Mood, I thought this was a crossover event with TLC’s Toddlers in Tiaras.

It was just bad. Almost as bad as Irina’s bitchy attitude. Almost. That girl is one big biznatch. And that ice skating costume she made? Hurl.

Considering the star power on the judging panel (and the fact that Nina Garcia was finally back!), one would think the runway would be spectacular, over the top and amazing. But what did we get? Dresses. A lot of dresses. Long dresses. Dresses that would be good for the MTV VMA red carpet… or the ice-capades. Not dresses that Christina would rock on stage during her international tour. While I loved some of the designs (mainly Althea’s and Nikolas’s….even though that “man” drives me insane) I didn’t really see Christina on stage in any of them, including Carol Hannah’s winning design. Was it beautiful? Absolutely. But could Christina sing “Candyman” in that thing? No way.

At least we all agreed that Shirin’s dress was a piece of crap. If it were a little shorter, it might be able to pass as some sort of sexy French Maid get-up, but as is stands, it just looks like a clearance item at David’s Bridal. And that is not a good thing.

Honestly, the only thing worth watching on this episode was Christina. Not because I love her, but because she totally messed up a common saying and no one could correct her. Because she’s Christina. It’s “A for Effort,” woman. Giving an E for Effort isn’t going to make weepy Christopher feel better about those sequined booty shorts.