The CC Weekly Weigh In: Lies and The Parents Who Tell Them

"Marijuana is a gateway drug, honey. It will kill you."

It wasn’t until 3 years ago, at the age of 23, that I realized that a red ring won’t show up around you if you pee in my parents’ pool. I had been living in that house and swimming in that pool since the ripe age of 6, running into the freezing cold basement and struggling to pull a wet one-piece up over my ass whenever I had to pee, and it took me 17 years to learn that my parents had been lying to me all along.

By CC Staff

Yes, I could have been peeing in that pool for years!

After spending most of my life living a lie (one that protected everyone else swimming with me, I suppose) I started to think back on other things my parents may have been lying about. Like when they told me and my brothers that they didn’t have a favorite child, when clearly that child is me. Or when they told me they’d never done drugs. Bullsh*t, parents!

And I know I’m not the only one who’s been lied to! Apparently it’s a parent’s job to seriously mislead their children. Our friends over at Lemondrop have been lied to, and the CollegeCandy writers have been living some lies, too.

John – UConn: My parents told me that any Nickelodeon show with live actors would corrupt my morals.

Elise – Stanford: My parents told me that they had Santa Claus’ phone number and would actually stage phone calls to him saying I hadn’t cleaned my room.  They even wrote it down in their address book.

Nina – Michigan State University: We’re a traditional, old world kind of family. My parents told me (half jokingly) that boys won’t like me if I don’t keep my room clean. I’ve proven it false several times throughout my life. But at the moment, considering that I don’t have a boyfriend and I have yet to see my bedroom floor, I think they could be onto something…

Brianna – Fordham University: My dad left me under the impression that I had been drinking iced coffee every morning until the age of 13, when it was actually chocolate milk on ice. I’m getting my revenge now by using his credit card to indulge my Starbucks addiction.

Lexi C – Brown: They told me that Santa Claus wasn’t real and that I was made through vaginal penetration at the age of 4. Yeah, they didn’t tell me lies.

Lauren H – The New School: I was a terrible nail biter when I was a kid (didn’t stop until I got braces and couldn’t get my fingers in there) but my mother once told me that fingernails don’t dissolve in your stomach and can get stuck and fill up your intestine. I carried that image for far too many years

Caitlin – University of Alabama: They told me we had hidden cameras in the basement so they could see what I was doing.

Brithny – Duke: That the Tooth Fairy only gave money to children whose tooth was white and sparkly. Thus began my 3-minute teeth-brushing OCD tendencies.

Rosie – Duke: My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up, as long as I believed in it hard enough.  When I told them I wanted to be an elephant at age 4, my dad encouraged the idea and acted like it was totally possible if it was truly my dream. So until first grade, whenever people asked, I told them I wanted to be an elephant, and when they laughed, I thought they just didn’t understand the power of believing in yourself.

Desiree – Columbia University: My parents didn’t lie to me much. In fact, there were times when they were all too honest. Like when my mom told me I smelled like a man after volleyball practice.

Laura – St. John’s: When I was really young, my dad would tell me that eating bread crusts would make my hair curly, and since I craved long wavy hair, I did as I was told.  It didn’t take me that long to figure that one out… and I still don’t eat the crusts off my sandwiches.

Kim – University of Delaware: If I didn’t dry the pots and pans completely and put them away, centipedes would grow in the kitchen cabinets.

Kelly – Simmons College: My parents made up some crazy story about a fat man in a red suit who broke into our house by climbing down the chimney and left me presents, which he was always too lazy to wrap.

Kiki – University of Missouri: My parents allowed me to pronounce “nostalgia” as “nosta-gala” for 14 years of my life, under the pretense that it was too cute to correct. Sometimes I still slip up, and at 20 years old, it’s a little less adorable.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: My parents were always pretty straight-up with me, but it was my grandma who told me that if I pouted a little birdie would come and poop on my lip and if I crossed my eyes they would get stuck like that. I’m 20, and still need my looks for a few years, so I’m not taking any chances!

Cristina – Michigan State: My dad would always tell me he had a mini-TV and was watching me all day in case I did anything bad.  I think I still believe it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Now that I think of it, my parents didn’t really lie to me because I was the smart-aleck who called bulls*** on everything, even when I was 5.