Overheard: The Monster Mash

By John

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Woman, to her son, in a CVS.)

Mom: Look! Thanksgiving! You’re not scared of Thanksgiving, right?

Kid: Waaaah!

(Two students in an education class.)

Student 1: One of my girls spelled “pennies” wrong today. I was laughing way too hard to correct her.

Student 2: The funny part will be when she’s working with the national treasury. ‘The most outdated part of our financial system is the penis!’

(Woman in a breakfast restaurant.)

Woman: Look! It’s the chronosaur! He’s a time-traveling dinosaur who fixes history’s mysteries!

(Two girls, talking in a clothing store.)

Girl 1: Nothing about your butt makes sense.

Girl 2: The laws of physics hate my butt.

(Girls meeting up in the morning.)

Girl 1: What’d you do last night?

Girl 2: Not much. Watched a lot of the Batman animated series. Felt a lot of inappropriate things.

(Girl, talking to her boyfriend.)

Girl: I don’t really care about you. I just need to leech out your warmth.

(Guy, talking to a girl at a party.)

Girl: It’s so cold!

Guy: You know, you’re only cold because women don’t actually produce any body heat. It’s true.

Girl: Geez, really? Wow.

Guy: I know. Crazy.

(Guys, early in the morning, at breakfast.)

Guy 1: If I have to get woken up forcefully, at least it’s by someone yelling ‘wanna play Dungeons and Dragons?’

Guy 2: You should be glad I didn’t just poop on your head. I wanted to.

(Guy, stopping people outside an apartment.)

Guy: Wait! You can’t go in here!

Guy 2: What?

Guy: You’re not a resident of Bell Town! Strangers aren’t allowed in ever since the monster attacked!

(Guy, greeting another guy.)

Guy: Hey, man! Happy birthday! I drank all your vodka and passed out.