Coupled. Where Do We Go From Here?

October 22, 2009 Posted in Advice, Relationships

I came into college with a well thought-out plan of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to go to film school, live in Los Angeles, be a writer for television and maybe one day direct movies.

I never figured a boyfriend into my whole equation.

So now that I have one it feels like I have to somehow stick to my plan and ambitions while figuring in someone else’s. It’s MUCH harder than it sounds.

I’m from a medium sized city that was boring as hell growing up. I couldn’t wait to go to a big college in a big city to get away. I like being busy, I like having a lot of people to befriend, and I love being so close to Austin’s famous sixth street and live bands. I’ve always been a city girl and I want to stay a city girl. Matt, on the other hand, is a homebody. He’s from a small city and would much rather go back to live there (or somewhere like it) after college. He hates big cities because the driving is too dangerous, crime is high, and he is very content staying at home every night. Even though we’re in the same major, he wants to work at small town TV stations while I want to work in Hollywood.

Big difference in opinions…so what do we do about it?

I bet you’re thinking that this is supposed to be the part where I shed my somewhat wise opinion on the matter, but honestly, I don’t know what to do either. I want to be my own woman but if I’m going to stay with Matt the rest of my life (and that’s my plan) there’s going to have to be some sacrifices. It comes with the territory. And these sacrifices aren’t even something I mind. Yeah, when I started out on this journey I had big, lofty goals of Hollywood, but things have changed and now I’ve got something else (something wonderful) to consider in my planning.

I’ve laid the ground rules out and Matt and I have come to a few conclusions. He’s agreed to put my career first because he can pretty much work anywhere with what he wants to do. That means that it’s up to me to choose which city works best for me and he’ll make it work. That being said, I’m not going to force LA down Matt’s throat knowing how he feels about it, so I’m going to look everywhere but LA first.

And that’s where we’re at. He’s making concessions for me and I’m making concessions for him. We’re both holding onto our futures and our plans, they’re both just a little different than how we first imagined them. And I don’t know how this is all going to work, but it’s working for now and that’s all that really matters.

Anyone out there got some advice for people in this sort of situation? Have you given up your future to follow someone else? Has someone done that for you? Share!

4433516 CommentsCoupled.+Where+Do+We+Go+From+Here%3F+2009-10-22+22%3A00%3A14Sarabeth+-+University+of+Texas on "Coupled. Where Do We Go From Here?"

Erich says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 200912:23 pm

When I was younger I wanted to be a CHP officer. No joke. Anyways at the time my fiance and son didnt want to go thru me not being there for 6 months and didnt want to move to sacremento for 6 months either. So instead I got a sales job. Even though the relationship didnt work, I was there with my son and that meant a lot.

molly says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 200912:34 pm

Right now I'm dealing with the fact that I just got accepted to nursing school in another city,(a cold one) and my boyfriend is a golf pro, who needs to move to a warm climate so he can work full time and finish his degree. I don't have an idea what to do. I don't want to hold him back, but I'm sure if I'm ready to move with him, or have him move with me. Did I mention I'm in love?

Mo says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 200912:45 pm

I have a similar problem. My boyfriend is ultimately looking to get a job in DC, but I'd rather end up somewhere in New England. I wouldn't mind being in DC for a while, but his career may keep him there. It seems silly to be looking that far ahead, but at the same time it's realistic.

Alisha says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 20092:01 pm

My boyfriend is finishing his undergrad this year and looking at law schools all over Canada and maybe even Australia…meanwhile I still have to finish this year plus 2 more of my nursing undergrad here. He's from the city where we go to school, so I totally understand him wanting to get out for a bit (just like I did with the small town that I grew up in), but at the same time, it breaks my heart knowing that we will most likely part ways and who knows what will happen then? It's putting huge limitations on our relationship and I'm not even sure that we'll be able to grow as a couple knowing that we may not last more than a few semesters. Also, as badly as I want him with me, I would never want to be the reason that he didn't follow his dreams or go through with his life plans. I'm so distraught, somedays I feel like I should just end it now and get the heartbreak over with.

Amanda says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 20092:21 pm

You could always try looking someplace where it would be possible for both of you to get what you want. Living in LA is really expensive so maybe you could live in a smaller suburb that is nearby so that he could work at the local tv station while you pursue your dreams in Hollywood? Since you said you were looking everywhere else first then you might consider a similar compromise with other big cities like Chicago.

hope this helps and best of luck to you both

Ness - Sheridan says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 20094:28 pm

Move to Pasadena

m says:
Thu, 22nd Oct 20097:07 pm

If you can handle the rain Portland OR is amazing. It is a wonderful city but the outskirts feel like a small town. I love it.

Anna says:
Wed, 28th Oct 20095:32 pm

What about Boston? If you're interested in the film industry, it's growing really quickly here since our governor signed a new tax credit. There's two new film studios being built too. We have some other news stations your bf could work for too, ranging from big to small!

Erin says:
Thu, 29th Oct 200912:48 pm

It's not nearly as glamorous or as big as LA, but Wilmington, NC is considered something like the Hollywood of the East, and it's small enough that your bf probably wouldn't hate it!

pardep says:
Thu, 29th Oct 20099:57 pm

What about Boston? If you’re interested in the film industry, it’s growing really quickly here since our governor signed a new tax credit. There’s two new film studios being built too. We have some other news stations your bf could work for too, ranging from big to small

pardeep says:
Thu, 29th Oct 200910:02 pm

love is nature of life those love each other then good gentleman

pardeep says:
Fri, 30th Oct 20092:29 am

meet u then i coment

Nisa says:
Fri, 30th Oct 20097:22 pm

wow right at topic

love dosent mean trust on each other it gone into sex attraction
http://narilatha.blogspot.com/

Jes says:
Mon, 9th Nov 20096:46 am

Man, this sounds about where I'm at right now. The bf is hopefully only moving about an hour and 1/2 away though so that'll work for the next year or so until I finally graduate from college. But then I'm probably going to be overseas quite a bit, so what then?

My poor best girlfriend is going through a divorce to her husband in the Navy right now too just because of the stresses of never seeing each other and conflicts of interest about their careers(amongst others of course), so it really is a serious issue.

Best of luck to you guys

College Los Angeles says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20102:17 pm

If you like cold and rain I would say go to Portland or Seattle. Both are great, beautiful cities that have a lot of the homey feel. I love it there!

Kelly
http://www.laort.edu/

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