Project Runway Rundown: I Got Clothes In Different Area Codes

Much like my relationship with pie (love the pie…hate the 3 hours I spend in the gym after eating it), I am experiencing a bit of a love/hate with Irina. On the one hand, she’s a Jew (and a proud one, flaunting it in all its blingin’ glory) and we Jews gotta stick together. If we don’t support our own people, who will?

And homegirl sure knows how to make a faux fur vest. That thing was gorgeous. Although I might be biased considering it was a blustery 38 degrees and rainy when I got home last night. But, still, I wanted to make Irina my new BFF and cozy up inside that vest until April. Or, in the Midwest, July.

But, and there’s always a but, Irina is a big, fat bitch. She’s arrogant, she’s mean, she’s judgmental….and just like 40% of the girls in my high school. The girls I gave the finger to as I pulled out of the parking lot that last day and swore never to see again. The girls who pretend to be confident only to cover up some raging insecurity. Perhaps Irina hates the annoying way she talks? Or she was on the flag team in high school and never got over it?

I don’t know, but she’s a cold-hearted snake.

Although, I guess you can’t totally fault this girl for the things she says. She’s kinda like Kanye (minus the whole Hennessey thing); she is simply saying what everyone else is thinking. And maybe if she was a bit wittier in her insults (a la Michael Kors) we wouldn’t care who she was talking smack about.

And we all know there is plenty of smack to be talked with some of these designers.

I mean, let’s be honest here – Christopher’s frock (the only term that can be used to describe it) looked like a leftover from that Western costume challenge. And Nikolas’s little “Grecian get-up” looked more “Charlotte Russe attempts workwear” than “I’m going to eat some feta on the beach and then rub oil on a six-packed Greek god.” Come on, Nikolas – who wears suit pants in Greece?

Who wears pants at all?

But I do feel bad for weirdo Nikolas. I get that his look was about as appropriate for Greece as my giant blinging Jewish star was for the county fair I went to, but could you imagine losing to….this?

It’s like the time my friend chose our sober roommate as her beer pong partner over me. Like, for real? Her? She’s drinking water! I’m the beer pong CHAMPION.

Oh wait – sorry. Got lost in my thoughts there for a second. Back to that thing Christopher sent down the runway. Really, Chris? We sacrificed Ra’Mon for a Little House on the Prarie dress paired with some unfortunate wedges? I shoulda known a man with a super skinny beard thing could never be trusted in fashion.

P.S. If Althea doesn’t win this entire competition I’ll eat my shoe. Not one of my new pairs of pumps, mind you, but maybe an old pair of Converse. That girl is GOOD.