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Single. And In a Dry Spell
October 23, 2009 Posted in Relationships
"What am I gonna do with my life? And why hasn't he texted me back?!"
In about 6 months, college is going to throw me out into the real world. I’m currently facing the greatest dilemma a 20-something-year-old can face; law school or grad school? Or maybe try for a job? How about travel around Europe for a month (and by “travel” I mean explore exotic drinks and dudes). But then how am I going to start paying off my student loans? And what will my parents say if I tell them I want to live on their couch for a little while (read: forever) until I find a job that pays me a lot of money to do what I love.
And with this big-giant-looming-really-effing-scary fork in the road coming up… I STILL manage to be focusing on how crappy my love life has been lately.
It took about three waves of feminism, but women have finally been allowed equality. Our lives have gotten richer. We have social lives, interests, careers, the works. Yet nothing, I mean nothing, gives us our ups and downs quite like relationships. We may not depend on a man for financial stability, but when it comes to emotional stability, it seems they’re somehow still the ones in control.
One of the best things about being single is freedom! You don’t have to plan your schedule or your decisions around anyone else. But are we doing that anyways? When I’m casually dating, it seems I’m still always waiting around for that call (or, let’s face it, text…we’re a lazy, lazy society). It’s a simple equation: I’m happy when he texts, I’m bummed when he doesn’t. And all of this for someone who I don’t really owe my precious emotions to!
And even during the dreaded dry spell, we manage to let men take our emotional reigns. When there’s not a prince charming in the picture (actually I tend to date guys who look more like Shrek…), it tends to take over our lives. Every other part of your life can be better than Nordstroms’ end of the season sale, but nothing brings you down quite like a dry spell.
Well I for one am tired of leaving my emotions to another person…especially if that other person doesn’t, you know, exist. A dating dry spell isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it could be a chance to get reacquainted with yourself and those other parts of your life you’ve been neglecting (for example, your grades!). It’s also a good way to avoid going 300 text messages over your plan because you send winky faces to your crush every hour (no wonder I can’t get a date…).
It’s hard to remember when you’re in your 20’s and being bombarded with 13 new sh*tty Sandra Bollock romantic comedies a year, but guess what… we do have other things going on in our lives besides men. Great things that can make us happier and more fulfilled that the stupid boys who aren’t beating down our doors.
Hell, it’s Friday. Get up, get dressed and go get drunk with your friends.
Without checking your phone every 15 minutes to see if a guy has texted you, please.
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Cait says:
Fri, 23rd Oct 20091:33 pm
Amen sista!
grace b says:
Fri, 23rd Oct 20092:13 pm
BRAVO! I'm bookmarking this for when I need a pick-me-up.
n says:
Fri, 23rd Oct 20092:29 pm
Dannia I love you for saying this—>"It’s a simple equation: I’m happy when he texts, I’m bummed when he doesn’t. And all of this for someone who I don’t really owe my precious emotions to!" I Cannot for the life of me understand why NO ONE I know gets that!? its exactly how i've been feeling for about a week now and its honestly driving me insane. thanks for making me feel like im not alone in feeling that way
Mike says:
Sun, 25th Oct 20098:00 am
"We may not depend on a man for financial stability"??? Yet you may end up living on your parent's (father's) couch? I think you depend on him for financial stability. How can you even consider traveling Europe when you are in debt? GET A JOB!!!
Megan says:
Sun, 25th Oct 20093:31 pm
Great post! I'm in the same position of graduating college soon & also going through a dating dry spell. And I have to say it's probably been the most exciting time I've had during the last three years of college. I'm not against meeting someone and possibly being in a relationship again but I'm not worrying about it right now. I'm having too much fun going out with my friends and doing things for myself.
Belle says:
Sun, 25th Oct 20096:46 pm
@mike – if her parents (i don't know why you've assumed it's her father) are nice enough to pay for a trip to europe she should totally do it…once you start working it's hard to take that much time off and it's not like she'll be racking up insane loan interest for one-month off..plus, europe when you're young is amazing
Dannia, loved it – esp the winky face every hour part – good luck with everything!
tasha says:
Sun, 25th Oct 20099:25 pm
ugh. i agree. its like when ur dating you can let that part of life slide..but when there's no one, a crush or just a guy friend is necessary. idk. and its not fair either, its hurting my grades. glad to feel im not the only one who hates dry spells which honestly, it needs to be over
T says:
Mon, 26th Oct 20099:15 am
Sometimes a dry spell is time to focus on yourself!
This is a really cool contest….
Check it out
http://woman.ca/component/content/article/58-love…
Casey says:
Tue, 27th Oct 20099:41 am
Belle, I think Mike assumes it's her father who probably provides for her family, because if she's in her 20 somethings then her parents are probably of the age when the man WAS the breadwinner of the family (very few women when our parents were starting out were financially independent). It's only the newer generations where [some] women are starting to take the head of the family, and even though it's now more possible for them too, still, not many are.
And she didn't say her parents were paying for Europe, and either way it's a bit irresponsible to use your parents money to have fun when you have a ton of debt to pay off, even using your own money for it is an irresponsible decision. Although it would be fun to travel Europe at a young age, if you've got debt you don't want to start out in life with your priorities all wrong.
I'm not trying to be attacking, but I can see where Mike was coming from with his comment.
Sophie says:
Tue, 27th Oct 20093:23 pm
"We have social lives, interests, careers, the works. Yet nothing, I mean nothing, gives us our ups and downs quite like relationships. We may not depend on a man for financial stability, but when it comes to emotional stability, it seems they’re somehow still the ones in control."
That's really depends on the person. I mean, really.
smiles says:
Tue, 27th Oct 20095:29 pm
Oh, an awesome post.
Elana says:
Wed, 28th Oct 20091:50 pm
I don't think it's necessarily an irresponsible decision to travel around Europe for a month. It can be an amazing experience and can give you a fresh perspective.
Casey says:
Thu, 29th Oct 20097:49 am
I wasn't saying traveling Europe is an irresponsible decision, I was saying dropping that kind of money for a trip is an irresponsible decision when you're already in debt.
arvind says:
Thu, 29th Oct 20099:05 am
I am indian boy so i dnt know any idea.
meg says:
Thu, 29th Oct 20099:15 pm
I have friends in this position and they jetted off to Europe…for the peace corp or teach English for a couple of years. A cool way to start off 'real life' and maybe not be so much in debt. Whatever, it worked for them.
Good insight in my 'oh-my-god-i'm-a-single-senior' brain! Thanks.
Heather says:
Mon, 9th Nov 200910:48 pm
I totally agree with this article. I experienced a serious drawn out case of the single blues when my four year relationship ended. I think it took me about half a year to fully get over it, not like I was crying every day, but over that persistent feeling of "wanting someone." I got over it when I realized how much fuller my life was without him, and it finally sunk in that I don't actually need a man to feel happy or complete. In retrospect, even feeling like that at one time made me feel like an ass since I feel so damn good now.
Beznik says:
Mon, 30th Nov 20092:19 pm
I feel the same way except I am a guy. I don't think men are in control most of the time. And lots of guys are just as lonely and heartbroken and wondering if she will even answer the phone or if she will show up or not cancel on any date plan or if she will say the dreaded "lets just be friends"