Men Could Never Walk In Our Stilettos

Most of us have engaged in the verbal debate at some point. Most likely over a game of beer pong, when a guy makes that common assumption that boys are simply tougher than girls. We then launch into defense mode, listing off reasons why women are a hundred times tougher than men. It always ends in the same statement: “well men don’t have to go through labor!”

End of fight. (Hopefully you sink your next throw to send the point home).

An Australian TV anchor wanted to end this feud once and for all so he agreed to be put into simulated labor (with a machine that sends electric currents through the abdomen which feel like contraction pains). Needless to say, after only three hours he called it quits (mind you, most women are in labor for an average of 10-12 hours), concluding, “Women win. Men don’t.”

Finally, we are getting the credit we deserve. But honestly, we knew he never stood a chance. Of course men can’t handle labor! They can’t handle most of the things women put up with on a daily or monthly basis. Men could never handle being women, period.

Menstruation

Let’s just get the most obvious out of the way. Men have no freakin’ clue, and no words can communicate how much our monthly gift sucks. Men turn into little boys crying for mommy when they get the sniffles, yet we can expect to feel like someone is slicing our uterus out with a chainsaw and ripping it through our vagina every month. Not to mention that we then either walk around wearing a diaper for a week, or shove a compact tube of toilet paper up our vaginas. Do either of these sound like good options to you, men? Didn’t think so.

Grooming

Men run a comb through their hair, a razor over their faces (if it’s a special occasion), and that’s that. Women have a laundry list of things that aren’t even options. Sure we could walk around with bushy eyebrows and leg hair long enough to braid, but we would be hippie tree-huggers, European or just dirty. Either way, we wouldn’t be getting much love. Our morning ritual includes a leg shave, an armpit shave, and plucking the strays from our brow. And I have two more words for you: bikini wax. Pure hell.

Hormones

It’s not our faults that we cry every time we see The Notebook, or that we get fuming mad for apparently no reason. Women have to deal with crazy hormones that are cycling all over the place, leaving us emotional and a bit bi-polar at times. Your hormones make you horny; ours take us on an emotional roller coaster…it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out which is worse and which can simply be cured with a magazine and a bottle of Jergens.

Clothes

We love being girls; we love dressing up and we love fashion. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We have to shimmy into tight dresses, suck it all in until we pass out to get our Spanxx over our thighs and walk around with dental floss between our butt cheeks to prevent panty lines. And I’d like to challenge the Australian TV host to a heel-off. I bet he doesn’t last one block in a pair of stilettos.

Birth Control

You think the “loss of sensation” from a condom is bad? Try weight gain, mood swings, breakouts and tender breasts that come with The Pill.You have no idea.

Sex

Yes, it’s amazing. Yes, we love it. No, it is not always comfortable. No matter how enjoyable it ends up being, you are still shoving a cucumber through a quarter-sized hole. (Editor’s Note: If you’re lucky. But even a gherkin hurts…) We know you have your share of problems being the plug, but it isn’t easy peesy being the outlet.

What else about being a girl do you get think a guy could never endure?