Noah Cyrus Makes Me Feel Less Slutty

noah cyrus halloweenYeah, I dressed up as a slutty sorority girl for Halloween one year. Yeah, I wore a mini skirt, knee pads and taped condoms to my t-shirt. Yeah, I looked like a total whore. But I was 20…. and my costume was nothing compared to my BFF’s sexy flapper look (we did a group thing: Sluts of the Century…)

And now I feel even better about my choices that night having seen Miley’s little sis prancing around town in this little get-up. This girl is nine. NINE. And she’s wearing knee-high boots and some skankalicious little number up top. Upon first glance I thought I even saw some pubic hair popping out of that “dress,” but then I realized I was wrong. Because that’s not possible. Because she’s in 3rd grade.

Like most people flipping a shiz over this less-than-Disney look, I’m appalled that anyone besides Dina Lohan would let their nine-year-old daughter leave the house in something like this. But I’m also really grateful that they did. I mean, how can I feel bad about my own Halloween choices when a mini-skank like this is out there?

Seriously, I’m gonna look like (slutty) Mother Theresa compared to this chick on Friday.

So thanks, Billy Ray! And thank you, Noah. You sure know how to make a college girl feel pure. I just can’t wait to see what you pull out next year… after you’ve gotten those implants for your big double digit birthday!



  1. Casey says:

    Seriously, this is just sad. But can you really blame her? Remember how you always saw the "older girls" when you were little and you wanted to be just like them? Well these nine year olds are seeing US and are trying to be just like US. And when they know the cool thing to do on Halloween is dress like a little slut, then they're going to want to dress like a little slut. But that's where the PARENTS come in. If I were a parent, I would NEVER let my nine year old out of the house looking like that, my 20 year old, sure, but NOT my nine year old. I wouldn't let them access the internet to find picture of girls looking like that, and I wouldn't let them watch TV and movies where people are dressed like that, because they're NINE! and they should still be in the "innocent" stage! WTF is wrong with parents that let their little kids live like this? Those people shouldn't be parents and should have their children taken away from them. Sorry to be harsh, but that's just not good parenting.

  2. Toralinda says:

    I completely agree that this costume is inappropriate, however, I also think that is is just plain wrong to be making fun of and criticizing a CHILD for the wearing it. As the first comment made clear, it is the PARENTS' choice to let her out of the house like this.

    A 9-year old does NOT in ANY way deserve to be called a "mini-skank," even in jest.

  3. c says:

    parents need to remember to remind their little girls that "being sexy" is for adults. always for women not for girls.

  4. Zoe says:

    I really feel bad for this girl.

    At nine you don't dress like this to get attention – you probably think that's what you're supposed to wear to look cute.

    This outfit is a reflection of what the advertising dictates women should dress like on Halloween – Noah's obviously too young to understand that this excludes her.

    Personally, this article would have been better if it was oriented towards social commentary than Noah-bashing. After all, she's just a kid.

  5. […] How old is Noah Cyrus and why is she dressing like this? […]

  6. Kelly says:

    When I was in third grade I was a blue m&m for Halloween… dang.

  7. […] with Miley in Vanity Fair, and then you let little Noah Cyrus leave the house looking like a common prostitute. We don’t care how achey and breaky your heart is—that’s just […]

  8. […] And if nothing else, Hannah Montana’s literal mountain of merchandise proves that young girls are definitely susceptible to wanting to be like her. Disney has held a reign on her so far (just […]

  9. Casey says:

    Haha Kelly, I was a green one! and my sister was a red skittle, and our mom made the costumes.

  10. Anon says:

    Can we all please STOP using the SEXIST word "slut"? It's a word that cages female sexuality, invented back in the day by men who were intimidated by the fact that (gasp) women could be comfortable in their sexuality and enjoy sex (that's only for MEN) and wished to paint it in a negative light. Thus, men get PRAISED for their sexual conquests and get high-fived and called "pimps" and "players", and yet a woman cannot do the slightest thing sexual and will be called a "slut" even if she is a virgin.

    The problem here is that she's nine years old, BUT it would still have been a problem if it was a shirtless boy. So "slut" is not the right word.

  11. […] Okay.  She has a hot (and older) boyfriend with whom she may or may not be living.  Fine.  Her little sister is a bigger skankwhore than Miley will ever be.  True.  But still.  17, people.  She’s […]

  12. trizzy says:

    I think billy ray and tish are wrong for letting her dress like that. Poor little noah probably doesn’t understand that what she is wearing is attracting the wronq attention. That costume should have been worn about 9 years from now. Noah was probably just tryinq to b like her biq sis but that’s a bad thinq. Sure there are other kids the same aqe as noah doinq worser thinq but they’re nut noah cyrus. She’s a role model for little girls the same aqe as her. She’s being a bad role model and its not even her fault.

  13. dude says:

    i wish all little girls dressed like this

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