Gamecocks Top the Trojan Sexual Health Report Card

I always said I had the best job on campus as an employee of the gym. Not only because I got to watch buff dudes lift weights all day, but also because I had a never-ending supply of free condoms available to me. The gym always kept a fully stocked jar of condoms for the average gym-goer to reward themselves with after a good workout. I’d always leave work with a handful of condoms that would supply my roommate and myself (and sometimes the random stranger desperately roaming the halls for a Trojan) for the weekend.

Although I didn’t choose the University of Richmond for it’s easy access to contraceptives, it is a much-appreciated perk. So, for the curious, Trojan has come out with their Sexual Health Report Card. The ranking, which measures access and availability of sexual health information and resources across 141 colleges and universities, named the University of South Carolina No. 1.

With a mascot like the Gamecocks, is anyone really surprised?

If you’re open about your sexuality and would appreciate a campus that supports you in your sexual exploits, here are the top five schools that are best equipped for you and all the sex you’re having (or desire to have): University of South Carolina, Stanford University, University of Connecticut, Columbia University and Florida Atlantic University.

There are very few mothers in this world that will willingly buy you a 500-pack box of Trojans at Costco before you head off to school. And if you’re anything like me, you will arrive in camouflage to the local CVS and avert your eyes from the judging checkout lady while purchasing the Magnum Ecstasy value-pack. So if I had to do the tedious application process all over again, I may take the Trojan Sexual Health Report Card into consideration.

The Gamecocks may have an unfortunate mascot, but it looks like they’re having the last, STD-free laugh.