We’ve All Been There: Sexual Serenade

October 27, 2009 11:00 am     Posted in Reality  Lauren - University of Michigan g+ page

couple sex

Hey! We can hear you!

You just spent 7 hours hunched over a laptop churning out a 12-page midterm paper. Your eyes are dry, your butt is aching from those wooden slabs they call chairs at your school, and the only thing you have on your schedule for this Thursday evening is catching up on some How I Met Your Mother on your DVR and a large bowl of Pad Thai. You slip into some sweats and curl up under a fleece blanket on the couch with a roommate and let the night of nothingness begin.


By Lauren

Two hours and a package of Soft N’ Chewy cookies later, your other roommate stumbles home with her boyfriend. They plop down on the couch next to you and start telling you about their night. Somewhere between their first beer and the tale of how her pizza fell on the ground, they start getting a little handsy. Soon, he’s running his hands through her hair and nibbling on her ear.

You roll your eyes at the other roommate and pray they’ll head back to her room soon so you can get back to Barney’s antics.

Finally, once Mr. Boyfriend’s hands start moving up your roommate’s skirt, she stands up and drags him to her room. When the door slams behind them, you breathe a sigh of relief that they are finally going to pass out, fire up the DVR and resume your regularly scheduled evening.

All is going well until you start fast-forwarding through some commercials. In the silence you hear laughter coming from the bedroom. It stops for a moment and then the Kings of Leon start flooding out from under the door. You brace yourself for what is sure to come next and turn the show back on, hoping it will drown out the sounds. But it only gets worse.

First it’s a moan.
Then some thumping.
More moaning.

You turn up the volume on the TV but it can’t cover the rhythmic sounds of your roommate’s bed squeaking behind the wall.  You’re trying to ignore the screams (seriously, this girl is loud!) and focus all of your attention on Alyson Hannigan, but it’s no use. Your roommate is having a grand old time in the next room and has apparently invited you along for the ride.

“He’s drunk,” your other roommate reasons. “They’ll be done in a minute.” You decide to pump the volume up one more time and wait it out. Only it doesn’t end. And it only gets more uncomfortable.

A loud slap (knowing your roommate’s propensity for spanking) and a squeal send you over the edge. You give up, throw off the blanket, and stomp off to your room. Somehow you can still hear the love birds going – hell, somehow they still are going – so you find your iPod, turn up the volume and fall asleep to the gentle sounds of Kelly Clarkson.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
Many a-nights (and the entire Dave Matthews collection) have been ruined for us. Such is life with a college roommate.

12 Comments on "We’ve All Been There: Sexual Serenade"

  1. Candie says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 20096:22 am 

    This happened to me yesterday. 3 times. With the same housemate. Seriously, I didnt realize how icky it is to hear someone else having sex. I now genuinely feel bad for putting her through it myself.

  2. Casey says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 20097:39 am 

    The only time I've ever had to hear anyone else having sex was when my boyfriend and I and his best friend and his girl decided to have a "loud-off" to see which couple was louder in bed (we were WASTED), but now, after reading this, I genuinely feel bad for all the people who have ever had to listen to me (and that is surprisingly a lot of people). I'll know better in the future.

  3. Jess says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 200911:16 am 

    I remember when I lived in an apartment on campus my roommate repeatedly left her door open (and my room was across the hall from her) when she had sex. It was nasty, sounds are bad enough, let alone the visual too!

  4. kiki says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 200911:31 am 

    this is horrible, im single, i wouldnt be able to stand such displays of affection, or well just plan displays of sex.

  5. Jaleesa says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 20096:13 pm 

    lmao! This happened to me! Only I was attempting to nap for work later and she did it in the same room. Let's just say, roomie had a little more to love…if ya know what I mean.

  6. Alice says:
    Tue, 27th Oct 20099:47 pm 

    Oh I would be the unthoughtful one…

    We mostly are very quiet at my place, but who knows how well sounds travels?

  7. Kar says:
    Thu, 29th Oct 20091:27 pm 

    Sound travels very, very well. A couple nights ago my suitemate who has had loud sex at least 3 times before was.. screaming. I honestly wasn't sure what was going on, but I definitely heard full out screams (of pain?)and some giggling.

    You'd think, especially with shitty dorm walls, that people would be a little more discrete. Unless they're "showing off", which I wouldn't put pass them.

  8. Dave says:
    Thu, 10th Jun 20109:25 am 

    I don't see the problem. It's never bothered me to hear people having sex. If you live with other people you can't expect to never hear them doing things and sex is something people do just like anything else. In fact, when I've overheard friends and/or roommates having sex I just smile because I know they're having a good time. Good on 'em.

  9.  Pine Desk says:
    Sun, 15th Aug 20106:59 pm 

    well, Allyson Hannigan is really cute in the TV Series "how i met your mother"~'*

  10. Rida says:
    Wed, 14th Mar 201211:20 pm 

    like any other sexual atctviiy, penetrative sex takes practice. Take a look at the article ona0things that can go wrong to refresh your knowledge about the issues that may occur and what you can do if it happens. Here

  11. Celine Turner says:
    Fri, 7th Jun 201310:09 am 

    I, similarly, am pretty sick of hearing my housemate have sex with his girlfriend/casual lay. 2am, wake up to her moaning. Every single weekend. He tells me about the work he has to do and the study, but he always has her over during the night to…study…with her, I guess.

    I haven't even seen her face before. Once I do, I'll just think of those awkward, uncomfortable nights awake hearing her voice.

    They should just move out of this place and start living together.

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