Beware Of These Relationship Red Flags

Stay away. Stay far, far away.

Making your way through the landmine that is the world of college dating is tricky. You have to make sure to bypass the clingy, the crazy and the man-whores before you can settle down in a safe zone. But just like my favorite computer procrastination game, Minesweeper, there are red flags that you have to pay heed to, lest you detonate a mine, or a relationship gone sour.

Red Flag #5: His idea of a date is using a meal swipe on you at the dining hall. I see a long line of Denny’s dates in your future.

Red Flag #4: You finally get invited to spend the night in his dorm room. But upon arriving you notice his collection of navel fluff in jars lining his book shelves. If the guy is collecting his own belly button lint, chances are you were going to wake up later that night and find him finger-diving for yours.

Red Flag #3: The only time he ever calls you is to ask if you’ve filled your Adderall prescription. Your doctor-diagnosed disease has turned you into his and his friends personal drug-dealer come exam time. You have to ask yourself, does he love you or your ADD?

Red Flag #2: We all want our roommates to like our boyfriends. It makes it easier to sexile them come the weekend. But if you find him spending more time with her than with you, don’t ignore this red flag. Unless you’re interested in a threesome, don’t be surprised if you wake up and he’s spooning your roomie instead of you.

Red Flag #1: You read him the following FMyLife: “Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML” And his response was, “Wait, it’s not?”

As Liz Lemon would say… That’s a deal breaker!