Major Halloween No Nos

Halloween is inching closer and closer, and each day there are new preparations to be made for your costume(s) and more invites to accept on Facebook. Luckily, this year Halloween falls on a Saturday, bringing out the true whackjob in all of us.

But just because Halloween happens on a weekend – allowing us to go balls to the wall without fear of vomiting in class the next day – it doesn’t mean you should disregard the basic No-No’s of this very religious holiday:

Walk of shaming- Everyone and their sister knows what you did last night when you’re walking (or even worse, biking) down the street in a sexy devil costume at 11am on November 1st.  Not that I’m condemning any Halloween nookie, but the blatantly obvious evidence the next morning ain’t so flattering.

Trying to conjure up spirits in the cemetery: Pretty sure they used to hang people for that, just F.Y.I.

Not dressing up: Don’t be that guy.  Besides, you don’t want to regret not dressing up because you’re a giant party pooper.  Yeah, times are tough; create something!

Dressing like a complete prostitute: To the point of people not knowing what the hell you’re supposed to be.  You don’t want to spend the night hearing, “Oh you didn’t hear? You were supposed to wear a costume.”

If you don’t got it, don’t flaunt it: Nothing makes me want to ralph my candy corn more than chick squeezed into a too-tight Halloween costume and walking around with a giant muffin top.  Look in the mirror and be realistic.  They don’t sell “Sexy Muffin Top” costumes for a reason, girlfriend.

Don’t slut it up too much if you have a boyfriend: Obviously the costume is meant to attract attention, but you don’t want to attract too much male attention if you’re already committed to a special someone. He’s the one who’ll be seeing you without the costume later on, but not if he catches you canoodling with Sponge Bob in the corner.

Dressing with a prop you have to carry: You really want to hold that bow and arrow all night when you know you’d rather be holding a sketchy red cup and that hottie’s hand?

Dressing with a prop you care about: If you really love your Guitar Hero guitar, leave that ish at home. Cuz it won’t be coming home with you at the end of the night.

Smashing pumpkins: Come on, that art takes time! There is smelly seed-goop to scoop, the danger of cutting your hand and some major creativity involved. No matter how tempting, leave the pumpkins alone, bro.

Most importantly: DO EFFING NOT walk around alone, especially in the skank outfit. One word:  Drunk. Predators. Love. Girls. Walking. Alone. In. Slutty. Outfits. At. Night. Okay that’s 11 words, but don’t do it.  No explanation needed. I mean, unless you’re into being attacked/murdered by some Michael Myers lookalike.