The Hills: Sorry Boo, Justin’s a Turd

"I may have cut my hair, but I'm still a huge ass-face."

If there’s one thing I hate more than Heidi Montag’s long, skeletal fingers, it’s girls, like Stacie, who wear ill-fitting bikini tops guys who play games. And when Justin Bobby plays games that just takes things to a whole new level.

Back when JB was doin’ his thang with Audrina, we hated him for many reasons. Obviously, he was treating her like dirt, but he also had long, greasy hair, wore ugly hats and burped at the dinner table. G-to the-ross. When Krisin came into the picture it seemed that, much like his hygiene, Justin Bobby had cleaned up his act.

Well, how wrong we were. It looks like you can take the dirt out of the scumbag…but he’s still a sh*tty scumbag.

I’ve dealt with guys like Justin. They have low self esteem and need to take control of any situation, no matter whom they hurt. So they do something crappy, then follow it up with a grand romantic gesture, then do something crappy once again. And the saddest part? It’s effing working!

Kristin is playing into his little game just as easily as Audrina did. She may say she’s gonna kick him to the curb after strike three, but she’s just as pathetic as he is. And you know she loves they way she looks in a motorcycle jacket far too much to give up the rides on the back of Justin’s bike.

The only person more pathetic than Kristin is Jayde. Or maybe Holly. No, definitely Jayde. It’s not Holly’s fault that MTV gave her a drinking problem to increase the show’s ratings. And besides, she’s a hilarious dancer (did you see those moves a la Drew Barrymore post-pot brownie in Never Been Kissed? Amazeballs.); I hope she doesn’t to go “rehab” any time soon so this show can get some much-needed comic relief.

Anyways, back to Jayde. I seriously hate this chick and can’t handle watching her. And here are my top 3 reasons why:

1. She looks way too much like the girl who plays Snow White in Disney World. It’s freaking me out.

2. She’s annoying. Like, really annoying. Like that annoying girlfriend that everybody hates and talks about behind her back until the guy FINALLY realizes how bitchy/naggy/not worth it she is and breaks up with her. And then everyone celebrates, gets drunk and tells him how much they hated her. Yeah, she’s like that.

3. She’s not smart. No. She’s painfully dumb. But she gets to go home to Brody every night (and treat him like crap) while I sit here alone eating Nutter Butters watching her on TV. WTF?

I know that Jayde and Brody don’t break up (I can see into the future…by reading the latest Us Weekly), but I just hope they do. He’s hot. He deserves better. Like me! I don’t have a Holly drinking problem (“Jack is the love of my life!”), I am not a camera whore like Heidi Montag, I’m not a bitch like Kristin and, while I don’t have her boobs, I am a hell of a lot smarter than Jayde.

Plus, with Holly shipping off to rehab soon, there’s space for one more in this cast….