Sexy Time: Movie Myths about Sex

james bondWe all know the movies don’t necessarily contain the most accurate depictions of actual life. Or do we?

Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives. And while I’m willing to overlook some of the media’s follies (like the fact that people in any foreign country all speak English), some of their depictions of sex are just. so. wrong.

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Sure, some people like to have sex to music and watching couples do it to some big, romantic song in the movies makes us all think music will enhance our orgasms, too. But how many times have you set your iTunes to random and had the Spongebob theme song come on in the middle of your session? Awkward! Sometimes it’s best to leave the music off while you’re getting frisky (unless you’re trying to drown out the noise so your roommates don’t hear). It will still be just as good.

Couples always finish together.
Not only do women orgasm every time they have sex in movies, but they always do it at the exact same time as their partner. Anyone who’s ever had sex in the real world knows this couldn’t be further from the truth for most sexual encounters.

Women never walk around naked after sex.
I don’t know about you girls, but I have never, ever ripped a sheet off of a bed to cover myself when I need to walk around the morning after sex. Nor do I immediately dress myself in my boyfriend’s oversized, button-up shirt.

Sex makes babies, no matter what.
Of course, sex can lead to pregnancy. But the recent barrage of unplanned-pregnancy movies and TV shows (Knocked Up, Juno, Secret Life of the American Teenager) would make you think birth control had never been invented.

Losing your virginity is a really, really, really big deal.
If you’re a female TV character, chances are you spend at least a season deciding if, when, and with whom you lose your virginity. And when you finally do make the choice, you either A. hurt someone you love, B. get pregnant, or C. feel horribly insecure afterward. And if you’re in a slasher movie, your virginity was probably the only thing keeping you alive!

Only beautiful women have sex.
Or husbands, careers, educations, friends, or any type of life worth living, for that matter.

25 Comments on "Sexy Time: Movie Myths about Sex"

  1. Marisa says:
    Thu, 29th Oct 200910:52 am 

    I won’t lie; I’ve put on my boyfriend’s button down shirt after sex, but only because I’ve seen it in movies and thought it’d be cute. Wrong. Really, you can only pull it off you’re 5′0 or shorter, and the shirt actually covers your tushie like a dress. Otherwise it just looks ridiculous, like you forgot to put pants on.

  2. Lauren - University of Michigan says:
    Thu, 29th Oct 200912:18 pm 

    I love how in movies sex is always so easy and seamless. Am I the only one who experiences those weird farty sounds when two sweaty bodies collide? Or the awkwardness that comes with a change of positions?

  3. Mary- UofM says:
    Thu, 29th Oct 20099:11 pm 

    And how is the woman’s make-up is always flawless after hours of sex, their hair too. Damn, what I wouldn’t give not to have a rat’s nest of hair after some fun sex.

  4. Alice says:
    Fri, 30th Oct 20091:21 am 

    I put on my boyfriend’s clothes if I’m walking around after sex! He lives with his family, so it would be awkward not too…And I love wearing his clothes.

    How about, you will 100% get pregnant if you the guy dies or leaves for a long time?

  5. Natalie says:
    Fri, 30th Oct 20091:58 am 

    I don’t know about Spongebob, but my iTunes totally busted out with The Little Mermaid once. Genius Mix that wasn’t.

  6. justthisguy says:
    Fri, 30th Oct 20092:27 am 

    Wrong,
    Every woman you have sex with are beautiful, its a byproduct of the activity, and if you are good, you can finish up at the right time, The shirt looks good, but the tie looks even better.

    As for the virginity, as a guy you spend more than a season trying to ….

    -J

  7. mollination says:
    Sun, 1st Nov 20094:12 pm 

    I’ve always wanted to take the sheet and wrap it around me before I saunter around the kitchen for orange juice all sessy-like. Usually there’s a big oaf spread-eagle lying across the top of the sheet though; hence making this smooth manuever a little difficult in real life.

  8. mollination says:
    Sun, 1st Nov 20094:16 pm 

    Oh – And I think sex is much better with good music playing. I always have a burned cd in the player by my bed (I never listen to that radio/cd player, so i never need to change the disc) and then if I get lucky, I know I have a safe playlist right in my reach. I don’t prefer quiet sex by any means.

    Just pick 13 songs that you can’t go wrong with, so there’s no need to worry.

    Crazy Bitch, Buckcherry to some more sultry R&B. Poifect.

  9. J says:
    Tue, 3rd Nov 20098:02 am 

    “Losing your virginity is a really, really, really big deal.”

    If this seems super wrong to you…maybe it shouldn’t

  10. Jay says:
    Tue, 3rd Nov 20099:41 pm 

    Yeah… I don’t wear my boyfriend’s clothes after sex. We’re the same height, so none of his clothes are particularly oversized.

    Oh, and I also love how they never have to use condoms in the movies. It’s just wham, bam, thank you ma’am, no awkwardness at all.

  11. booboo says:
    Tue, 3rd Nov 20099:52 pm 

    What about how there are never any kids to interrupt, wanting a cup of water? That “never” happens in real life.

  12. Crusier says:
    Wed, 4th Nov 20094:45 am 

    Idk..If you ask me it’s always one position in the movies and there’s never any particually loud noises. The only movie with a sex scene that i found most realistic was Monsters Ball with Halle Berry. That scene seemed the most realistic to me, and as for the condomns? Hey its only a movie right. And I never did understand how it could seem realistic for the couple to just have sex when they feel the time is right because from what i know, it only happens spontaneously when you’re drunk or when you’ve already planned it and you know its coming.

  13. Monte says:
    Wed, 4th Nov 20092:21 pm 

    Losing your virginity isn’t a realy big deal?

  14. Monte says:
    Wed, 4th Nov 20092:22 pm 

    Sorry; really, really, really big deal?

  15. Rauleigh says:
    Fri, 6th Nov 20097:16 pm 

    Movies also never mention that anal sex is PAINFUL…

  16. Essie says:
    Sun, 8th Nov 20099:25 pm 

    I have the done sheet thing. but it is more so because I don’t want his roommates to seem me naked or in only my bra and panties.

  17. Raj says:
    Mon, 9th Nov 20093:58 am 

    Hey, booboo, g8, somebody is with me on this!!

  18. Heather says:
    Tue, 10th Nov 20093:34 am 

    I agree with the author in that movies make losing ones virginity way too big a deal. Of course I thought it out, made sure I was ready, researched birth control methods, whole nine yards. But once I felt mentally ready and lost it I remember thinking there is a ton of hype around losing one’s virginity. Sex, for women, is pretty uncomfortable the first time, and for some, it can be the worst sex they ever have (physically, not emotionally, speaking). The idea that sex is great the first time around is another lie present in the movies.

  19. charity says:
    Wed, 18th Nov 20093:39 am 

    Yeah, and you can like go to his house after a romantic date and have sex, then wake up in the morning. All accomplished without having to brush your teeth or taking off your makeup. And still manage to look gorgeous. Don’t you know it’s really bad to leave your makeup on overnight?

  20. userasdf says:
    Wed, 18th Nov 20096:49 pm 

    this was a pointless article. Might as well be called “why can’t they allow nudity, no plots, no soundtracks, and ugly ppl in more movies?”

    sounds like someone wants to watch more amateur porn..

    I’ll give you the couples finishing together thing.

  21. crazymike663 says:
    Thu, 19th Nov 20098:49 am 

    lol the spongebob thing was great who hasent had sex when spongebob came on yes the t.v. was on.. pregnant try the pull out method lol i only have 1 kid that i know of lol :) jj

  22. crazymike663 says:
    Thu, 19th Nov 20098:52 am 

    i say what about when a kid bursts in the room thank god i was under the sheets but we all know Hollywood is far fram real.. in about every movie they put out.. Requim 4 a dream watch that sadly thats 90% of are youths goals all in 1 movie and it has a great soundtrack :)

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