Elementary Schools Put The Lame in Halloween

By Hillary

Pretty sure hot dogs are scarier than a zombie.

Elementary school sure has changed since we were kids. Today, recess is getting shorter, cafeterias are getting healthier, and Halloween is getting much, much less fun.

Around the country, teachers and parents are crusading to make sure that kids celebrating Halloween aren’t dressing up in scary costumes in school. As Tom Hernandez of Plainfield, Illinois says in the article, “Some people thought Halloween was a Satanic ritual. Well, let’s not say Satanic — let’s say they were not comfortable with what it represents.”

As a result, students in Plainfield “are being encouraged to dress up as historical characters or delicious food items rather than vampires or zombies.” Because what little kid wouldn’t love dressing up as stalk of asparagus or Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin, instead of as a zombie or a bloodsucking fiend?

It’s absolutely ridiculous that scary Halloween costumes have gone the way of snap bracelets and Pogs. The adults behind this silly campaign are probably all the type of buzzkills who hand out toothbrushes and shiny red apples when trick-or-treaters ring their doorbells.

“We established the guidelines of ‘positive costumes’ from the beginning,” says Texas principal Erin Tite, “knowing what we might see if we chose not to establish boundaries.” But what exactly is she referring to? What mother or father would let their child go to school in a costume that’s overtly grotesque or inappropriate and offensive in the first place? Why don’t these administrators have any faith in their pupils or their parents?

Either way, the people quoted in this article have entirely missed the point of Halloween. Scary costumes are to October 31 as turkey, valentines, and poor decisions are to Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, and New Year’s Eve, respectively. I think someone needs to TP all of their houses to teach them a lesson about having proper respect for a holiday.