Coupled. It’s One Big Balancing Act

November 12, 2009     Posted in Relationships

justice-scale


By Brianna

Being in a relationship in college is not easy. It pretty much goes against the rules of nature. The college gods never wanted their late night cramming, pong tournament winning, vodka guzzling subjects to be holed up in their dorm rooms eating takeout and cuddling with their partner every weekend.

But that didn’t stop anyone, including me. And while all of us coupled peeps absolutely love our boyfriends, we can all admit that we feel pulled in two directions. “Our girls or our boyfriend” becomes a weekly dilemma we have to hash out, mentally listing the pros and cons of which we should pencil in to our planners.

What makes it even harder for me is that my boyfriend doesn’t go to the same school, meaning seeing him is a tad harder then walking across campus to his dorm. It means packing a duffel, getting to a train station, an hour and a half trip, and then doing it all over again Sunday afternoon to be back in time for classes.

So if there are hearts on the agenda for Saturday, chances are I will be missing from all the Facebook photos come Monday morning. There will be a slew of inside jokes that my friends will shout to each other all week, and as they crumble into giggling fits I will stand oblivious…because I was at home sucking face with my boyfriend Saturday night while they were painting the town (Smirnoff) red.

Then again, when I stay at school and devote the weekend to group shots in our pastel-color coded glasses, bathroom photo shoots and dancing to Britney, it never fails that I end up in bed on the phone with my boyfriend at 4 am, the room swirling around me, crying about how much I miss him. (Alcohol makes me overly emotional and overly loving…not a good combo after the girls call it a night and you haven’t seen your boyfriend in weeks).

It seems like there’s no perfect solution. Except when the two worlds collide every now and then. My boyfriend gets along great with my bff’s (thank god!) so when he can take the trip I can combine both worlds: pre-game with the girls (which may or may not include a Miley Cyrus playlist), be a part of all the inappropriate totally embarrassing pictures, then squeeze into my twin bed with my boyfriend (spooning totally makes the spinning room more bearable) and get lucky.

What do you coupled girls think? Do you find it hard to balance the two worlds?

9 Comments on "Coupled. It’s One Big Balancing Act"

  1. Amanda says:
    Sat, 14th Nov 20099:03 am 

    Do you find it hard to balance the two worlds?

    Not really! Sorry that your boyf lives far away though. :-/

  2. Al says:
    Thu, 19th Nov 20091:09 pm 

    Does he ever pack a duffel and get on a train to see you? I’m starting to think my cuddle-muffin isn’t as dedicated as I am or else he would put in a little effort and pack up to see me, right? We live about an hour and half apart too and neither of us have cars.

  3. Jessie says:
    Thu, 19th Nov 20095:21 pm 

    This describes my situation exactly. It's so good to know someone out there has the same problem.

  4. Lee says:
    Sat, 19th Dec 20098:47 pm 

    The problem I have isn't really with balancing "Guy time" with "Friend time" because my boyfriend and I were part of a fairly solid group of friends long before we dated, but how to make a line between the two. My hub and I are super cuddly, and seeing as we spend most of the semester alone, he (and I) are used to a lot of affection, but how do I tell him that comments like "You're so beautiful" are awkward when our best friends since frosh year are around? The same goes for the other side, my friends knew us mostly as two good (single) buddies, and I find myself on the receiving end of glares when he reaches for my hand or gives me a peck on the cheek. Is there a good way to make sure both groups are comfortable?

  5. Lauren says:
    Thu, 25th Mar 20104:04 pm 

    My boyfriend's about an hour's drive away and I definitely go through exactly the same thing. It's difficult because I miss a lot of sorority functions on the weekends if I drive up to see him, but if I stay on campus I find myself missing him so much that I'm in tears. He comes up to see me sometimes, and that's always nice because he gets along well with my roommates and whatnot, but he's not really into the whole house party or grungy college bar scene since he's older and never went to a 4-year college so I feel guilty dragging him sometimes.

    It's a constant balancing act and a lot of times I find myself choosing my boyfriend over my friends, but they are pretty understanding.

  6. Erin says:
    Fri, 9th Apr 201010:08 am 

    I feel like I wrote this!! I'm in the same situation! Good luck w/ your boyfriend!

  7. Bria says:
    Wed, 8th Sep 20105:14 pm 

    You literally just wrote my life story. haha

    …the only thing is that my boyfriend doesn't seem to be as understanding as you portray yours to be. i try to divide my weekend time (one night for him, one for them) but he wants both and im not sure how to handle it..any suggestions?

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