Losing Your Virginity: The Play By Play

couple sex

"Ok, so I'm on top. What do I do now!?"

Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you a different description of what it’s actually going to be like.

Grandma preaches about how she waited for marriage and how the only man she ever slept with was your grandfather, which kept her from getting those dirty diseases the youngsters are getting these days. Your parents just beg you to wait for college when you’re out of their house, and protect yourself so you aren’t bringing home their grandchildren on your winter break. Then there’s your slutty friend who boasted about how great it was and had all the boys following her through the halls of high school.

But when we sit down and look back on how it actually was when we decided to lose our virginity, it isn’t easily summed up into one simple tip or anecdote. It was more like a 30-minute (if you were one of the lucky ones) progression into womanhood.

After reading The Frisky’s perspective on the stages men go through when losing their virginity, I was not only enlightened (seriously, who knew guys thought so much?!), but it got me thinking of my own first time and the stages I went through as it was all goin’ down.

Perhaps you can relate…

I’ve been planning this moment forever and the day is finally here. My hands are clammy and I’m going back and forth between clenching my vagina as if trying to ward off the impending penetration and dreaming about how romantic it will all be (based solely on my weekly viewing of The Notebook). When the time comes, I’m wearing my sexiest pair of undies but, ugh, why do my boobs flop out to the side like that when I’m laying on my back? And am I doing this right? Should I be making more noises? Does this position make me look fat? Suck it in. SUCK. IT. IN.

The Decline
About 15 minutes into it, I am blindsided by a flood of emotion that comes out of nowhere. Am I…no wait…that is NOT a tear! Omg, it is a tear. I’m crying. This can’t be happening. It’s okay, he doesn’t notice. Just pretend it’s sweat. But why should I be ashamed? It’s not my fault I have a surge of estrogen that suddenly reminds me of the magnitude of the situation. It’s momentous and life changing. Do I love you? Should we get married? Omg, did I just say I love you out loud!? I don’t think he heard me. Say something dirty to cover it up! Wait! Do I love him? No! Maybe? No. Okay, maybe I do. Damn you, emotions. Okay, sanity regained. Let’s just do this.

Mass Chaos
Is this how it’s supposed to go? This feels…weird. Wait, what am I doing? OW! Did something just pop? That did NOT feel good! What are my parents going to think? They’re totally gonna know. My mom’s going to tell grandma; I’ll never be able to show my face at Christmas dinner. Why the hell am I thinking about grandma right now? EW! Is the condom still on? I don’t feel it. Omg, I’m going to get pregnant. I really have to pee. I think I am going to pee. I cannot hold it in. This is a nightmare. Oh wait, that doesn’t feel half bad… Hey, I kinda like this. Keep doing that. Make noises so he knows you like it. Mmmm.

I finally did it. I’m no longer “the virgin” of the group, which automatically disabled me from every girl chat about sex, men and late night rendezvous’. I’m not going to deny it, I feel great. I’m a real woman now! Perhaps there is a little physical damage, I’m almost positive I am going to be walking like I spent the night horseback riding come tomorrow morning, but mentally I couldn’t feel better. Oh wait. Go pee. But cover up; he doesn’t need to see your cellulite. Wait. Stop being crazy. You guys just had sex. OMG. I just had sex! My friends are totally gonna freak when I tell them. They need to know immediately. Ok, he’s facing the other way. Is he sleeping? WTF? Whatever, just grab the Blackberry and bring it to bathroom. Mass texting is in order!



  1. Casey says:

    haha that was cute.

  2. bella says:

    hhahaha!!! Great one!

    I'm still a virgin, but I deff think of all these things when its getting too heated!

  3. molly says:

    Pretty correct….except for the estrogen surge lol.

    I giggles a lot, mostly to cover up how awkward it was all around.

  4. Shayla says:

    hah, yeh i'm with you on the giggling molly… that was definitely me which he probably thought was strange but it was better than awkward silence

  5. Rachel says:

    Loved this article! Very interesting and funny :) Though now thanks to the comments I am totally afraid that I will giggle when I finally get around to losing my virginity… I am definitely a nervous giggler during big emotional events already so it sounds like something I would do.

  6. Lily says:

    To me, my boyfriend and I fooled around so much before "it" actually happened, that when "it" did happen, I was kinda like..oh…it's not really any different. Anticlimatic…not nearly as big of a deal as we make it out to be…it's fun, but really, once clothes are off, it's all the same ballgame.

  7. Nessa says:

    What makes them whores? Sex is a natural thing. I'm still a virgin and I don't see anything too bad about it. Its a personal decision that they're going to make. Now if you were in the room when this was happening I could see a reason of why you would be upset. But that's a negative, and being rude and using foul language will not get you anywhere.

  8. ChugsandJugs says:

    […] Losing your virginity: The play by play. [College Candy] […]

  9. Star says:

    It's always about girls. Yet not a single one of you internet trolls ever preaches that guys shouldn't have sex before marriage. It's ironic to see females who are sexist against themselves :D

  10. Dway says:

    Losing virginity due to peer stress is completely WEAK! Broadcasting that via SMS is even more STUPID!

    Leave some respect for yourself and your descendants. Think far not just that "15 mins".

    You can't have your kid meeting up with your dozens of sex mates' kids. It's completely degrading and morally affecting the kids.

    Having sex after marriage tends to lead to a more blissful coupling.

  11. […] Losing Your Virginity: The Play By Play Losing your virginity is huge. It’s been built up since the birds and the bees talk, and everyone you know gives you […] […]

  12. Maddie says:

    Some people should stop living in the past. Teenagers can do whatever they like these days, and your nasty words aren't going to do much.

    Keep your opinions to yourself.

  13. Casey says:

    I DON'T agree with the trolls, but perhaps they only talk about girls in their comments because this is a girls site, they probably preach to guys too if they go to a site targeted at guys. But if there are presumably no guys commenting here then they aren't going to preach to an absent audience.

  14. Sarah says:

    I thought this was hilarious and well-written.

    Some of the other commenters are so cruel.

  15. b says:

    I think "Alysyn" and "Kristin" from the other sex article were raised by the same pack of wolves…

  16. K says:

    Alysyn, I don't know if you missed it, but NOT everyone agrees with you. Just because you have sex with someone to whom you are not married, it doesn't make you a "fucking skank." Maybe in high school people have sex because they think it makes them "cool" to their peers, but in the real world, no one thinks "Oh, if I am a whore, then the people at the office will like me."

    The only thing you are correct about is that sex is not for those who are immature. Given this, it's probably a good thing you aren't having sex since you are definitely not mature enough to deal with the physical and emotional challenges that come with sex.

    I'm going to take a wild guess here and say you believe in God and the Bible, and I would just like to say that He is probably more offended by your language and berating comments towards your fellow human beings than by anyone else's premarital sex. Take your own advice, repent for your sins.

  17. kar says:

    Ok really guys alysyn is so clearly a troll; you guys gotta stop reacting to them. That's what they WANT.

    I'm not quite sure why they so vehemently troll College Candy (maybe because it's a pro-female site that lets women express themselves?), but it's dumb and obvious.

  18. […] Losing Your Virginity: The Play By Play […]

  19. JC says:

    sex hurts only if the guys a a huge rooster.

    like this guy:

  20. Jen says:

    When it happens for me I'll do a victory dance to the bathroom. The hell w/ worrying about covering up. Woo hoo!

  21. ramesh says:


  22. R says:

    Bahaha! This article was hilarious. Loved it.

  23. Nel says:

    Looooved your article, Brianna! So funny :)

  24. fit kim says:

    great article! you made my day :))

  25. cole says:

    I'm a 16 year old male and im in the tenth grade. i was just wandering if when i lost my virginity to a more experienced person, would they think less of me if i hit my climax quick like most virgins?

  26. lola says:

    Some parts made me laugh. Good story. I can relate to some of the parts. Brings back memories.

  27. john says:


  28. Susu says:

    Me and my bf are planing on doing that this weekend hopefully everything goes well !! Wish me luck since I’m so scared of the pain ! We just made 3 years and 4 months =] I love him so freaking much !! 1-18-07

  29. dakota says:

    this was hilarious, i just lost my virginity last night and omg the "triumph" ending was sooo true, its like omg cover up, wait we just had sexy, wtf is he doing? omg i need to tell my best friend, hahaha this was a great laugh, thanks.

  30. jennifer m. says:

    Well i thought that this was well written and it's made me feel a little less worried about having sex.


  31. […] it can be overwhelming. At times it seems almost impossible to schedule in studying between losing your virginity and apologizing to your roommate for mistaking her drawer for a toilet. But luckily for you, […]

  32. Kira says:

    This is too funny! My first time just wasn't like that, lol. I felt a little pain, but mostly just really enjoyed it. Never thought about my parents, telling anybody or that it wasn't going right. I had a great time, didn't get that rush of emotions or anything. My first time wasn't really planned, and it wasn't with a boyfriend, maybe that's why.

  33. […] a female TV character, chances are you spend at least a season deciding if, when, and with whom you lose your virginity. And when you finally do make the choice, you either A. hurt someone you love, B. get pregnant, or […]

  34. […] isn’t often that I hit up my favourite websites and find a post on virginity that I take something away from. It’s even less often that I find a whole stream of posts about the subject. I love my […]

  35. […] out I’m a virgin? How does a virgin get a guy to stick around? Should I just give it up and get it over with? Or should I start filling out applications for the nearest […]

  36. AA says:

    Wow. I loved this article! I recently lost my virginity to one of my best friends, but were not dating. I don’t believe that makes me a bad person because I trust him and I was completely comfortable with him in that way. I didn’t have the surge of estrogen, but I did enjoy it, ALOT! I was ready to do that, and I’m free to admit that I love him, but were just friends. He loves me to. It wasn’t planned and it just kind of happened but I’m glad it was like that. There was one point where I almost fell off the bed and we just laughed about it. :) but anyways, I loved the article!

    1. Jordan says:

      Thanks for posting this! I'm still a virgin but I have the same thing where I love my best friend and I want to lose my virginity to him. I'm afraid my friends and parents will be upset with me but I truly feel I'm ready. Your post made me feel so much more confident about my choice :)

  37. Melanie says:

    … what about bleeding, what about the muscles that absolutely restrict it going in any further, and the
    mythical cherry?

  38. Ashley says:

    I am not ashamed to admit i still my v-card. I am 23 and never had a serious relationship, have no friends I am comfortable enough with to even ask them. And I laugh every time I go into the doctors cause they ask if you could be pregnant and to take a pregnancy test just in case. In either case I don't want to be a virgin anymore but there is no one in my life that I feel comfortable enough with to give that part of me so I have to wait even longer. Why are all the good men in the world either taken or gay or both. *head desk* I need to get laid.

    1. sami says:

      ur not the only one im 23 too n still hav my v card there is no guy in my life n i feel like im ready but then i feel like i wanna wait til im married . then i wonder how long is that gonna take. good luck to u think about if u really wanna do it.

    2. nicholas says:

      i am a 26 year old man virgin i never had a ralationdhip to shy talk to women

  39. Christa says:

    this really helped, since my on-and-off boyfriend and i are planning a similar rendevous for this friday night…wish me luck?

  40. Byambabaatar says:

    Merely wanna rmraek on few general things, The website layout is perfect, the written content is real excellent : D.

  41. jasmine says:

    This really helped alot because i am going to be losing my virginity on my birthday and its really close and i was panicking and panicking but now that I've read this i feel a little less worried

  42. Argent says:

    I might be losing my V-card today. I am 20 nearly 21 years old. I have been seeing my bf for 11 mo. on Monday and I have been taking birth control for over a month. I'm a bit nervous because I have been proud to have kept it for so long, but I feel that him and I ready to take the next step. I am hoping this will bring us closer together. Hoping it all goes well!

  43. Wes says:

    I'm not gonna lie…part of me really wants to lose it to someone special but at the same time, part of me really wants to keep it forever. There are other things in life that I can pursue and to be honest, I, many times, feel that the world doesn't really need me to lose my virginity, so there's no need to. Oh wow, the experience of the lifetime. At the same time it can be a rather shitty experience that could plague me for the rest of my life.

    Cool story though

  44. ness says:

    i dont like how she doesnt even know forsure if shes in love. what is she doing having sex if shes not even 100% about the guy. i mean its a pretty good story of the basics, but sex is more than that.

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