Single. For The First Time In a Long Time


Single. Free. Blissfully happy.

[Alright ladies, let’s give a big CollegeCandy welcome (Read: raise those shot glasses!) to our new single lady! Her name is Emmy and she’s a single gal living it up in Chi-town. She’s hot, smart…and nowhere near ready to put a ring on it.]

Back in August, my mother and I were standing in Target debating exactly which organizational bins I would need for college when she turned to me and said, “Emmy, please don’t date anyone seriously at the beginning of college. I really don’t want you to get tied down too early.”

Alright, so this was a random topic of discussion for the Home Organization aisle of Target, but I still found myself taking my mom’s opinion seriously. After all, the woman knew her stuff when it came to under-bed storage, so surely she was a wise sage in all things relationship. The truth is, staying single for the beginning of college had been my plan anyway. I dated the same boy for the last three years of high school and being single is a relatively new experience for me. One that I am figuring out and not yet ready to give up. The breakup process was beyond painful, but now I am learning to really enjoy being a single girl.

Yes, sometimes I miss having that male shoulder perpetually there to cry on, and a standing date if there is nothing better to do on a Friday night. For the most part though, I just feel free. I am not always glued to my phone texting or talking to him. I have no one else’s opinion or schedule to take into account. I am not someone’s girlfriend, but rather a person in my own right. I don’t feel guilty when other guys ask me out. I can genuinely enjoy getting to know all the new people, boys included, that I am meeting with no qualms. Plus, it’s a lot more fun to go to parties when you are free to flirt and dance all you want. Then leave and share a large pizza with your girls.

I finally gained back the control over my own life that I didn’t even realize I’d given up. I just finished mapping out my four-year plan for college. It was so exciting, and I realized that at this point in my life, my academic ambitions are trumping my need to find a boy worth dating.  Silly as it might sound, I was reminded that I am an individual, with goals of my own.

At this point, I am not in any rush to be in a relationship. This is my time to focus on me. It might sound selfish, but I am excited! When else am I going to have the opportunity to study in a different country for a year and not feel guilty for leaving everyone behind? I know that the experiences I have on my own will help me define myself more clearly and make whatever relationships I do have in the future that much healthier.

I am having a great time in college thus far; I have a great group of friends and a perpetually full calendar. It seems like I am always meeting new boys and not immediately looking at them as potential dates makes getting to know them as actual people easier.

So for maybe the first time in my life, I am actually following my mom’s advice. I understand the importance of taking time to be single for awhile and the benefits it will have for me in the long run.

Just don’t let my mom know that I was actually listening!



  1. Suz says:

    I feel like I have seen this same article 50 times on this site. Girls that write here are really weird. What kind of bf did you have if you didn't feel free while with him? Control of your life? You should always have that. The problem with lot of you is that you have strange relationships. The point of a bf is not to lose who you are but share who you are with each other. You are making it sound like you did something incredible by deciding to be single lol. FYI, you can do all those things with a bf too, if you have a healthy relationship! Well except dating other guys and hitting on them:D

  2. Mox says:

    I totally agree with Suz. I have seen several "being single is fun and okay!" type articles here, which are presumably here to make single girls feel better about themselves.

    Having a healthy relationship also means being able to have your own life. You didn't always have to be glued to your phone, did you?

  3. Darwin - New York Un says:

    I do agree that this article has been rewritten over and over. However, I don't think the point is that these women are in "unhealthy" relationships. They are just looking at the positives of being single. It can feel empowering.

  4. Ace says:

    Hey guys, lay off. It's not that you can't do that stuff while you're attached. But the point is more that for the first time, you're doing it on your own, and that can feel at once really terrifying and really liberating. I'm going through a really tough break up having lived with my significant other and dated him for over 2 years. It wasn't always a bad relationship, but it became one that wasn't healthy for me. No one is hating on those who are happy and attached, it's merely saying that being on your own can be pretty darn great too. And that's a sentiment I can relate to. Sure, having a man(or lady) can be super and swell and all those good things, but so can being single. That's all.

  5. dfsfsdfds says:

    Aw I loved this. It's exactly what I'm going through right now and I couldn't be happier.

  6. Johnnie says:

    Wow, I am experiencing this first hand right now! Meet a fantastic/gorgeous girl, we were all about each other, tried to take it slow, hung out more and more then, boom! 'lets pull back a little.' Found out she had gotten out of a bad relationship. It all make sense, but sucks to be me!

  7. Leah says:

    The reason I read this site is because all of these "similar" articles are truly entirely different. Other articles have not affected me as much as this one. The connection is different for all of us ladies. To read one that is pin-pointing exactly what is going on in my life is so refreshing. Let's welcome the articles that are so-called "similar" because it might not affect some of you personally, but it does affect some people, like me.

    So kudos to you Miss Emmy! Congratulations on your new single life! Live it up and know that some of us are in the same boat sister, and obviously we're entirely LOVING our new-found freedom! Thanks for stating what's on some of our minds!

  8. Dannia says:

    The point of feeling great while still being single is not that you can't have a healthy relationship… it's realizing that you don't actually need one. Being happy with or without.

    Great article, Emmy. Glad to see another Loyola girl on here!

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  11. Court says:

    It's not about being in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Even in a healthy relationship, after a certain amount of time (especially if you are young) it becomes difficult to know who you are. Most girls don't find Mr right when they're in high school or even college for that matter. There are things that you learn about yourself while being single that you couldn't learn even in the healthiest of relationships. Being single and doing it all on your own toughens you up. And so what if many of the same type of article have been published on this site? Clearly, this shows that it's an important subject. There's nothing wrong with being in a long term relationship while young, but there's also nothing wrong with being single and loving it. All the power to you, whether you're in a relationship or not.

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  14. Ryly says:

    I dated him for two years engaged to him for one year lived with him for the entire time and was friends with him before all of this

    I’m still hurting with the break up but I’m loving how to live life on my own flirt with strangers smoke a cig when I want to take off to random places buy a puppy go have fun for a change discover who I am worry about me and not about us or him it’s freedom and I’m loving it

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