Levi Johnston Or Not, Who Needs Playgirl?

November 17, 2009 - 5:00 pm By CC Staff

Today was an unfortunate day. While perusing the internet, I ran across a teaser of Levi Johnston’s Playgirl magazine photo shoot. My curiosity got the best of me, and to say it killed the cat is an understatement. I think “made the cat look at a whole lot of nasty testicles…and then killed it” is more accurate.

I followed the link to Playgirl.com and was immediately overwhelmed by peen. (Note: I am not including the link here to spare your eyes.) Never have I ever seen so many schlongs in my entire life. All shapes, sizes and pube lengths; it was like my eyes were under attack by penis-shaped daggers.

This experience did more than force me to fight my natural gag reflex/delete the browsing history on the university computer I was using in the computer lab; it got me thinking about the presence of Playgirl at all.

Who in their right mind ever thought this magazine (now strictly online, thank god) was a good idea? Seriously. Do you know a single girl with Playgirl magazines hidden under her mattress? Have you ever sat around with your girlfriends and said, “you know, I really enjoy the sight of a good-looking penis from time to time”? (Ok, I take that back. I’ve probably said that once in my life.) Honestly, give me abs, give me back muscles, and give me a great smile, but keep the package under wraps, please.

Let’s be real, ladies; a flaccid penis is not a pretty thing. I don’t know about you, but I do everything short of remaining celibate (because that’s just unfortunate) to avoid the sight of one at all costs in real life – why would I spent $18.99 a month to load up on those images online?

Personally, the longest I’ve ever looked at a male member was in my anatomy book in high school. And I have to admit I once did extensive research on the uncircumcised penis. Fascinating topic, really. But since then, I’ll take a quick peek, assure myself that there is indeed something dangling down there, shut my eyes and then get to business. I certainly do not get my jollies by perusing photo galleries of men in the nude.

You can only stare at a man’s balls for so long before they start resembling your grandpa.

As far as I’m concerned, Title IX does not need to extend this far. Men can keep their Playboy, I’ll be fine over here with my copy of Cosmo.

Candie says:
Tue, 17th Nov 20096:03 pm

Although I do agree with you to some extent, it strikes me as harsh that you would say this about anyone or anything’s appearance. Vaginas aren’t exactly the most beautiful things ever created, but I would never want to hear a guy, even my boyfriend, saying they’re disgusting or gag-inducing.

alice says:
Tue, 17th Nov 20099:56 pm

This article is ridiculous. Are you 12?

Erin says:
Tue, 17th Nov 200910:51 pm

Let me say something that a primary school teacher would say “Everyone is different, we all like different things and we don’t always agree on what they are”. I thought you might need that because as Alice pointed out you sound like a 12 year old. As an art student who’s taken many years worth of drawing and painting and working with nude models you see it all and your column is very immature. Keep your Cosmo I’m a real woman and don’t read that mind numbing dribble, you need to grow up a bit.

molly says:
Tue, 17th Nov 200911:42 pm

While I agree that for women, penises arent the best method of “turning on” for women, you have to realize that playgirl caters to MEN as a huge portion of their target audience. It’s called playgirl, but let’s be honest.

Casey says:
Wed, 18th Nov 200911:34 am

I disagree, my boyfriends penis totally turns me on. But hey, everyone’s different. I agree with Candie though, I went to an art gallery with two of my gay friends and we came across a painting of a naked woman and my one friend instantly threw up all over the place because he “couldn’t stand the sight of a vag”. It was embarrassing and I felt like I was with a 5 year old, this article reminds me a lot of that situation.

- says:
Wed, 18th Nov 20094:16 pm

Somehow I dont think he threw up in the art gallery, Casey.

Emily says:
Wed, 18th Nov 200911:31 pm

I don’t like looking at penises (penii?? whatevs), but that might have something to do with me being gay. Everyone likes looking at different body parts, and some girls and gay guys like the penis. Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean that no one does, and the magazine should shut down.

Casey says:
Wed, 18th Nov 200911:39 pm

Right, because people never throw up in public. Please, I’ve seen kids throw up in class in elementary, middle, high school and college, and I’ve had to clean puke off the floor where I work countless times, not to mention all the people that throw up in bars and clubs. But no, you’re right, it’s impossible to throw up in an art gallery.

Corey says:
Sat, 21st Nov 20097:56 pm

I think this is completely not true for most girls…not to be cocky(no pun intended),but im an attractive guy with a large penis and girls absolutely love the sight of it whether it be in person, pics, or videos. I think most girls enjoy the sight of a penis…especially a hard one.

Laura says:
Sun, 22nd Nov 20091:55 pm

I think you’re making rather broad assumptions based on your own personal preferences.

That said, the sight of a flacid penis isn’t the most arousing thing on the planet… but neither is a disembodied vagina. Lol.

But yeah, photos of naked men are arousing, at least to me. And I have to say that I rather enjoy the sight of my boyfriend’s cock, so…

- says:
Sun, 22nd Nov 20098:43 pm

No, because he should at least have had the respect to not puke near priceless paintings. Apart from the fact I’m arguing against a story that was clearly bullshit to begin with. seriously, a painting of a naked woman – come on. I know a lot of gay men and not one fits your closedminded stereotype.

Casey says:
Mon, 23rd Nov 200912:44 pm

I said it was an art gallery, not The Louvre. And some people just don’t have any respect (you should know that better than most) People throw up, some people have control over their gag reflexes and can make themselves throw up. This guy is very immature, when the store I worked with him at opened we all had to go around and tell something about ourselves, his “interesting fact” about himself was that he was gay and he hated pussy and the sight of one, or even hearing the word “vagina” would make him gag. The art gallery was the second time I witnessed his ignorant display (and was also the last time I hung out with him).

I never said I believe that he actually gets sick at the sight of a vagina, just that he makes himself puke to get attention and try and prove some ridiculous point.

But if you don’t believe it, whatever, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it just makes you naive.

Girl says:
Tue, 24th Nov 200912:22 pm

Yeah, The person who wrote this has the sexual maturity level of a middle school girl. Seriously, the human body is beautiful and any adult that has had a sexual relationship or two can tell you that they enjoy a naked body. I personally think the male genitalia is sexy and don’t mind looking at it for a period of time. Most girls I know feel the same way whether they’d like to admit it or not. Get over yourself and realize that, sooner or later, you are going to encounter a penis in real life and if you don’t like it you are either a lesbian or you have some problems you need to work out with a psychologist.

Heather says:
Sat, 28th Nov 20092:23 am

i’m a single girl with playgirl in my closet, not under my mattress. it just makes more sense to not have crap shoved in your bed.