Comments on: Ask A Dude: I Refuse To Be A Friend With Benefits

By: Elen

Elen — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 03:01:52 +0000

I am a 36yr.old female and my male friend is 23. He started flirting with me at work, gave me his number and I texted him. We communicated outside of work for about a month in a half and flirted alot at work. He is spiritual, plays for various churches and spends alot of free time at church. He inquired about my religion and we discussed religon and still flirted at work. He let me know he wanted to sex me. I suggested that we should go out sometime.We did and had sex once. He then cut me off and I didn’t speak to him at work for a while.
He tried to be my friend and i gave him a hard time. But made the biggest mistake by confiding in who I thought was my friend because she was very personal with me. She told a mutual of ours, who apparently was screwing him. He confronted me and I lied and he didn’t speak to me at all for 6 weeks. One day while we were both on our breaks , I had to ask him about our homegirl. He informed me of her whereabouts and we got off he hosed down my car and me then told me he missed me..
We became friends again, getting closer but not sexual. I had an emergency situation and called on him to take a long roadtrip with me. He didn’t hesitate at all and called out from work. We had a ball on our trip,I met his close homeboy we all hung out, he even drove back with us. My friend and I had sex alot on the excursion he told me the truth why he cut me off because he was messing around with a girl I am still cool with and another worker at our job. He said it was too much for him. He asked why I lied because my feelings were because I liked him and I sensed he was messing around with the girl who was married.
I left the job and he stayed in touch.We have been kicking it, hanging out and he has me going back to church for three months now with him every Sunday. My kids ask about him often and he and my son communicate regularly. He was there for us when my daughter ill for weeks. We have gotten closer emtionally and we often tell each other I Love U. He openly tells me personal things checks in daily and is more touchy and playful then before.He said I would know if he had a girl,and he faithful, because he doesn’t hold his toungue at all. I challanged him about being a player, he said that was then and he got caught up and he never wanted to do that again. He asks me alot of personal past relationship questions, even if i was ever married then told me i need to. He said he wants to someday. Then told me he needs a wife. WTF?
Holla Back, Confused

By: Bret

Bret — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 01:21:21 +0000

As a Dude, I have to say that of course he wants to have sex with you. That's why he is hanging around and texting you. Beyond that, it sounds like he cares about you and is reasonably thoughful.

So, why don't you skip all of the drama and speculation and have the "how do you feel about me?" talk. He will probably be totally relieved to finally tell you how he feels about you. And, if he is just looking for some benefits, that will be obvious as well.

By: Dan

Dan — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 05:04:09 +0000

Leigha's on the money – if you're friends – really – then he's not just in it for the sex. Friends should care for each other, and more importantly for this situation, friends should be honest with one another. Friends with benefits only works if it's mutual, so if you're not comfortable having sex with a guy who's not your boyfriend, talk to him about it. Yeah, it can get tricky, complicated, awkward. That's what happens when you deal with things.

Kope, your complete lack of charm nearly ruins your point. Unfortunate, because at its core it's mostly true. Guys don't divide between friends and partners as much as girls do, so we'll tend to like you and want you, or not at all. That said, for several months I provided benefits to a friend, who did likewise. Later on she settled down, but we certainly had a good time. Still see her on weekends. Proof? You decide.

By: sauer kraut

sauer kraut — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 10:21:34 +0000

The best friends are the ones who accept you for who you are, without trying to get the stick in on benefits.

By: Danny

Danny — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 15:00:20 +0000

What is being ignored in the original advice, (perhaps because of reasons meantioned by namarle) is this:

Sure, he's been okay with the girl not putting out, but, what is he doing on the side? Maybe there's a serious attractiveness disparity that makes her a little more worth waiting for on his end. Maybe he's just enamored with her. Whatever, the whole story isn't out in the open.

And, for the record, kope187 isn't necessarily wrong; it's just that some guys are a lot more out in the open about their intentions. Also, a lot of girls aren't completely honest with themselves in regards to their relationships with their girlfriends. Why are their guy friends (quote unquote) any different?

By: Casey

Casey — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:18:57 +0000

kope187, you are oh so wrong

By: kope187

kope187 — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 11:24:41 +0000

Guys are not friends with girls. We don;t care about American idol, top chef, or kate plus eight. we don;t care about how your girlfriend is sad because her boyfriend is a dick. Guys are friends with girls because they want to get laid or be your boyfriend. With the exception of gay men, take a look at your male friends and ask yourself honestly if he would sleep with you. I guarantee he would. We want to get laid. Its a status symbol to have women in our lives. Any man that tells you differently is either gay or he is lying to you. Prove me wrong=]

By: namarie

namarie — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:12:04 +0000

Everyone realizes "the dude" is either gay or a chick, right?

By: SheChive.com » Blog Archive She Chive’s friends with benefits «

SheChive.com » Blog Archive She Chive’s friends with benefits « — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:24:05 +0000

[...] Ask a dude: Do you refuse to be a friend with benefits? [...]

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