It’s a Twihard-Knock Life

November 20, 2009 3:00 pm     Posted in Buzz, Entertainment, HaHa  Hillary - Columbia g+ page

WTF? So you can sleep with Edward??

When I was waiting outside of the Scholastic store in Soho to buy the 7th Harry Potter book, I saw a reporter from the New York Post who was walking up and down the massive line and interviewing people for a story about the book’s release. I overheard him speaking with one guy who had a lightning bolt scar on his head.


By Hillary

I know what you’re thinking—“All right, it’s kind of odd that an adult man would dress up for the release of a kid’s book, but it’s not totally unheard of. That dude probably wasn’t any weirder than any of the other people in the line.”

Wrong. This nutbar didn’t just draw a lightning bolt on his forehead—as he told the reporter, he had literally carved the scar into his skin with a razor blade.

And to make matters worse, I was ahead of him in line. Yes, I had arrived at the bookstore before the psycho.

So needless to say, I know a thing or two about what happens when fandom gets extreme. Even so, Twihards—people who are obsessed with the Twilight books and movies—take things a step beyond anything I’ve ever seen before. As of Wednesday, at least 2,100 screenings of New Moon, the second movie in the series, were sold out—and those are only the showings measured by MovieTickets.com. There’s also a ton of Twilight merchandise available all over the web, stuff that ranges from normal (t-shirts, posters) to full-on batsh*t crazy (A shower curtain screen-printed with a giant picture of Robert Pattinson’s face. A life size vinyl wall decal of Edward Cullen’s silhouette, accented by the words “Be Safe.” A pair of underwear that’s illustrated with the sexy vamp’s face—inside the crotch).

io9 has a pretty awesome and comprehensive list of these wacky products. But most of the stuff they found comes from Etsy, which means that it’s specially made by individual craftspeople. I find it even more interesting that Hot Topic, the main source for all things Twilight, has almost 200 Twilight-related products for sale on its website. You can buy a duvet cover with Edward’s face on it, or body shimmer designed to make you look just as sparkly as your favorite vampires. You can buy a Twilight New Moon Vampire Girl Cuff, a Volturi Crest necklace, an Edward Charm bracelet (tagline: “Let Edward be the charms around your wrist”), and a Choose Musical Jewelry Box, which plays “Bella’s Lullaby” (whatever that is) and features “a rotating Cullen crest/Wolf tattoo emblem,” to store them in. There’s even Twilight-brand band-aids, for Anne Rice’s sake.

I know that this isn’t exactly an original question, but I have to ask it anyway—what is it about Twilight that makes people go so bonkers that they would actually buy any of this crap? Wouldn’t even superfans be embarrassed to go out in public with an Edward umbrella? Why is Twilight so good at warping people’s—or, to be more specific, girls’—minds and convincing them to spend their money on this kind of garbage? Or that it’s OK to have some guy’s face in the crotch of your undies?!

I get a seriously creepy vibe from all of these products, which matches the feeling I got when I read “Twilight” in an attempt to understand why it’s so popular. I don’t think I’ll ever really get why a story about a girl and the menacing, much-older guy who stalks her is so big. At least Harry Potter has a sense of humor.

27 Comments on "It’s a Twihard-Knock Life"

  1. Zoe says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 200912:38 pm 

    Annie, maybe the author is bagging out the rampant materialism associated with the books rather than the fans' tastes. You can enjoy the series but as Hillary said, targeting a young demographic with Edward panties is ridiculous.

    Anyway, they'll all grow out of it when they stumble upon Dostoevsky.

  2. torontogirl says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20091:09 pm 

    Finally!! someone else sees twilight for what it really is! Edward is crazy over protective and possesive and Bella come on it is not healthy to think you cant breathe with out a guy! and it scares me that millions of young girls are copying this behaviour

  3. Dia says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20091:54 pm 

    the products are nuts, but i cant bag on a book that led many of young people back into reading, even if it is about sparkly vampires.

  4. Rachel says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20093:19 pm 

    The only reason it was made into a (bad)movie was because it's such a cash cow. Personally, I dislike the series (for reasons, read this: http://acidicreview.blogspot.com/2009/11/acidic-s… ) and cannot understand why the fanbase is so huge. The books aren't well written and the author has repeatedly said she did no research for the novel. Not to mention she formatted an entire culture to fit her book (The Indian tribe..the one that turns into wolves).

  5. Annie says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20093:40 pm 

    Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean that other people all dislike it as well. People have different tastes. I could make fun of you for lining up to get a Harry Potter book which is, as you said, a childrens book.
    The reason that there are so many of these twilight related things, is because the primary demographic for twilight is young teenaged girls. And those girls have a lot of power when it comes to spending their parents money.

  6. T says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20094:34 pm 

    Harry Potter pwns Twilight.

  7. DSADSA says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20095:20 pm 

    Agreed. Twilight doesn’t even have a good plot line or any character development. Its basically 500 pages talking about how badly Bella wants to do Edward and how much she loves him. And I’ve read all four so i can say this.

  8. Candy says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20096:25 pm 

    I think its because Twilight is geared toward girls. Harry Potter was pretty much gender neutral so all the merchandising had to appeal to both sexes. I'm sure that cut down alot. Besides it was alot more fantastic; you didn't need to make stupid charm bracelts and underwear, they were selling Golden Snitches and Chocolate Frogs. I'd rather have those than a Edward umbrella anyday!

  9. Charlotte says:
    Fri, 20th Nov 20097:30 pm 

    MLIA!

  10. Star says:
    Sat, 21st Nov 20091:53 am 

    Twilight, the movies especially, is definitely over the top and cheesy at times but she’s still rich off of it so someone is reading this. It surprises me how much people want to argue over whether it’s good or not. The attention alone, negative or otherwise, means people are paying attention so she must be doing something right.

  11. Al says:
    Sat, 21st Nov 20097:22 am 

    "Finally!! someone else sees twilight for what it really is! Edward is crazy over protective and possesive and Bella come on it is not healthy to think you cant breathe with out a guy! and it scares me that millions of young girls are copying this behaviour."

    AGREED! I only got into Twilight, because I needed a movie to see last year after Thanksgiving. Last nite, in the theater, I found myself in the midst of 5-12 year olds who probably cannot distinguish cheesy fantasy from reality. I'm 18 and thought the movie sent the absolutely wrong messages to young girls. Severe depression over a break up, glamorized suicide etc. Bella's character is NOTHING young girls should aspire to… she's absolutely pathetic, extremely, insecure, and absent of any good character quality without a guy by her side. I don't know, the reality and insidious effects of Twilight just hit me last night with all the little girls in there cheering over Jacob's body etc. Even girls my age are fantasizing over their own personal Edward Cullens. Like wtf? When will the madness end?!

  12. Chelsea says:
    Sun, 22nd Nov 20097:50 am 

    I've read the Twilight series ever since the release of the first book, but I've never been this crazy about the series. I went and saw Twilight the day it opened last year, but only because we were on a snowday and the theatre was a fifteen-minute walk from my house. This year, I didn't even think of buying my tickets for New Moon excessively early, and I haven't seen it yet. The only piece of Twilight fan girl memorabilia I own is a poster. And a bumper sticker that says "Caution: I drive like a Cullen," but considering everyone who's ever ridden in my car knows what Twilight is, I think rather than it being fan-girl-ish, it's a fair warning.

  13. Jenna says:
    Sun, 22nd Nov 200911:57 am 

    I'm in the same boat as Chelsea. I've liked it for years, but the whole fangirl thing sort of caught me off guard…I'm really against the whole batshit-crazy-screaming-ravenous-12-year-old thing, but that doesn't mean I don't still like the series. And it may not be well-written, but that's almost the point: it's a guilty pleasure. Furthermore, just because I like the Twilight series doesn't mean I don't enjoy the works of authors with more literary merit.

    The materialism that comes out of the books, though, IS ridiculous. Has anyone seen the Twilight dildo? Yes, there's a Twilight dildo. It's meant to be put in the freezer first. No, I'm not kidding.

  14. Maxine says:
    Sun, 22nd Nov 20094:22 pm 

    Twilight is retarded.

  15. heather says:
    Mon, 23rd Nov 20098:43 pm 

    The twilight undies were some sort of gag-gift for a gossip site I do believe…. just sayin'. With that said, I do believe that some of the other products are pretty ridiculous.

  16. Erika says:
    Mon, 23rd Nov 20098:44 pm 

    I read the books when I was probably 13 or so, loved them but got over them very quickly. When the movies started coming out I reread them & still feel the same. They're good, I can see how they'd be really popular & be made into movies, but yes it's gotten outtttaaa control.

    Bella's not that bad, I don't know any girl who hasn't been morbid & depressed for weeks-months after being dumped. In Twilight world her behavior worked because her & Edward were meant to be or whatever. Saying she's pathetic & Edward's abusive is just reading way too much into it & looking for problems. It's a love story, it also about vampires & werewolves so I'm pretty sure you can't relate it to real life issues..ever.

    Little girls have Miley Cyrus to aspire to, I'm sure they're all too busy hating Bella for getting Edward to use her as a role model.

  17. AshleyB says:
    Tue, 24th Nov 200910:21 am 

    the reason it's so popular is because the people who buy that shit are 12 tweens eat shit like this up in every generation. I'd say ours was N sync or spice girls its because the Twilight target market are tweens with nothing better to do and they think its cool. plain and simple. i believe its TwiTARDS by the way. just sayin :)

  18. Mal says:
    Sun, 29th Nov 20099:13 am 

    is it bad that i kind of want those edward underwear?? lol

  19. Ann says:
    Tue, 1st Dec 20091:04 pm 

    I don't really like HP or Twilight, although I'd have to say HP is better.

    LMAO @ the twilight dildo. I really hope that doesn't exist.

  20. mia says:
    Thu, 3rd Dec 20094:08 pm 

    http://www.mylifeistwilight.com

    this website….hilarious but seriously rather frightening

  21. Elle says:
    Fri, 4th Dec 20092:57 pm 

    Im so glad there are people who are still SANE when it comes to Twilight! I dont get it either. Bella is dull and portrayed as a weak pathetic girl who cant do anything without edward or jacob rescuing her and Edward is controlling and mean and creepy (seriously, he watches her sleep!).

    I cannot understand the love.

  22. Mary- UofM says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20094:24 pm 

    @Al, did you read Disney fairy tales when you were a kid? Really, they're not better. A girl eats a poison apple from a nutso witch then she lives in a house with tiny people that all have mental disorders giving them extreme moods. Or Rapunzel, a girl is caught by a dragon, shove into a tiny room in the top of a castle then her hair magically grow so long and her scalp is so long she can haul some guy up it? Those are as far fetched as the twilight novels, it's a airy tale for teenagers. Considering how much crap teens are getting into these days, the fact that millions of them are reading 700 page books is refreshing.

  23. lyanne cardoza says:
    Thu, 28th Jan 20103:58 pm 

    there doing the same thing disney did with Hannah Montana i swear i thought they were even gonna make HM toilet paper it was crazy!

    but the only reason there pushing the merchandise crap is because they know there has to be at least ONE crazed fan that Will buy it!

    its all about the $$$

  24. Jenny Swarovski says:
    Thu, 6th Sep 201211:17 am 

    I have read a lot of books so far, but Twilight is still my favourite book series – i hope more books will follow :-)

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