Overheard: Burned To a Crisp

By John

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Lil Wayne was in my dream last night! Yeah. He had a farm. No, I mostly just made fun of his voice a lot. “Hey, girl, who knew we’d have so much in common?” And I was like “Lil Wayne, I had no idea!”

(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)

Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!

(Two girls, talking at a library study table.)

Girl 1: Were they at least cute?
Girl 2: The girl was a cute Latina woman, but the guy had a scum-stache. I had to turn up my Walkman to drown out the squelching noises.

(English professor, in a small lecture.)

Prof: Government needs hospitals and other utilities to run smoothly. Something like the Starship Enterprise.
Student: ExCUSE me?
Prof: What?
Student: Have you … have you ever even seen an episode of Star Trek?

(Guy, girl, talking in the Music building.)

Guy: Did you see the tree-lighting ceremony that year?
Girl: No, was it good?
Guy: Yeah. Josh Groban got so turned on, he ate the microphone.

(Guy, at a bus stop.)

Guy: It’s November. I’m rolling. I’m all by myself. I’m rolling, and I think I’m gonna write a Christmas song.

(Two girls, coming out of an exam.)

Girl 1: Bombed it. That was terrible.
Girl 2: I think I did okay, actually.
Girl 1: And – damnit! And I forgot to water my veggies in FarmVille!

(Guys, coming out of the gym locker room.)

Guy 1: Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift?
Guy 2: Probably Miley Cyrus. Taylor Swift looks like a cat that got hit by a makeup train.

(Guys, in the Student Union cafe.)

Guy 1: Dizzy Bat, flip cup, pong. What else.  Need some more.
Guy 2: Forty-hands?
Guy 1: Maybe.
Guy 3: Pitcher drink?
Guy 1: What’s that?
Guy 3: You drink until you pass out.

(Guy, waiting at  a Starbucks.)

Guy: Listen, if I’m gonna date a girl, I’m just saying, she’s gotta respect my ass. I got a pretty big ass. It demands a lot of respect.