Breaking News: Ivy Boys are Weird

See? Weird.

Talk about the British Invasion.

Yesterday, this post on Jezebel pointed me towards this utterly, utterly ridiculous Times of London article that claims college-bound British ladies are increasingly enrolling in American universities—primarily to meet “Ivy League educated males.”

The article is crazy enough that it blames “hit shows such as Gossip Girl, The OC, Dawson’s Creek and even Twilight”—yes, that noted television program, Twilight—for the pseudo-phenomenon it’s investigating. Author Luisa Metcalfe also cites Ivy League hotties including Barack Obama, Jake Gyllenhaal (both of whom went to Columbia. I’m just saying), and “aspiring Dartford College student Dan Humphrey” as bait for English girls.

I repeat: Dartford College. Never mind that Gossip Girl’s Dan actually ended up going to NYU, or that he originally wanted to go to Yale, not “Dartford”—Metcalfe actually writes the word “Dartmouth” just three paragraphs after she initially mangles the name of the beer-happy New Hampshire Ivy, so how did the term Dartford even make it into the final version of this article? Don’t they have copy editors across the pond?

And even if this article is right and female Brits are really applying to American universities just so that they can meet guys with argyle sweaters and perfect teeth—not, you know, because they want to get a good education at a top school—I have to speak up.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, mates, but here’s the truth about Ivy League guys: they are weird. At least, the straight ones almost all are.

The only long-term boyfriend I had at Columbia once tried to make his own beer by boiling hops and wheat, then letting the mixture sit for a week. My best guy friend on campus, a chemistry major, straight-up watches videos of scientific graphs on Youtube sometimes. My brother, who went to Yale, used to have “books and hot sauce” listed as his interests on Facebook.

Metcalfe quotes Dr. Dona Matthews, who used to work at New York’s Hunter College Center for Gifted Studies and Education, as saying, “In order to get in to any of the Ivies — in addition to exceptionally high academics and SATs — they have to be athletic and they need to demonstrate exceptional social abilities.” But if Ivy League guys are all “athletic” and “social,” I’m the freaking Pope.

Sorry, girls—although there are a few Nate Archibalds scattered across Ivy campuses, the vast majority of dudes who attend the Ancient Eight are quirky at best and just plain odd at worst. So are the girls, actually. That’s one of the things I love most about Columbia.

If I wanted to find a Prince Charming in college… well, I guess I’d try transferring to some school in England.



    1. Jess says:

      The only long-term boyfriend I had at Columbia once tried to make his own beer by boiling hops and wheat, then letting the mixture sit for a week. My best guy friend on campus, a chemistry major, straight-up watches videos of scientific graphs on Youtube sometimes.

      I see nothing wrong with either of these.

    2. Brooke says:

      I believe Dan went to, or wanted to go to, Dartmouth in the book

    3. Salome says:

      I think the thing is not so much that Ivy League guys are "weird" but that they're not all that different from guys at other, similar colleges. And for every dreamboat there are also guys like the Dartmouth student who made headlines recently for writing that all the girls at Wellesley (where he studied as part of an exchange program between the two schools) are "whores" for not wanting to hook up with him and his buddies.

      And if British girls want a preppy, studious dude, doesn't Oxbridge have way more of those than all the Ivies combined?

    4. Skye says:

      Okay, this article just makes me mad. Is it not okay to be quirky and silly sometimes? Does everyone have to be classic clean cut, boring ass Nate Archibald? Yeah, he's hot, but that's where it ends. This article was very disappointing.

    5. Abby says:

      I don't know what's wrong with you, those guys you described sound awesome. Quirky and weird people make life interesting, I think what you would consider "normal" I would consider mind-numbingly boring. I agree with Skye, very disappointing article.

    6. JenniferUofR says:

      These guys sound interesting, granted I'm not into bro's so these "nerdy" types are more my style. And as for the making beer, my boyfriend make beer, it's actually pretty cool, I know you probably like Coor's or PBR, but homemade beer is much better and tastier.

    7. Emily says:

      Not everyone's a football player

      Adorable cuz they're nerdy and weird.


    8. B says:

      Maybe it’s because I go to Brown (which has a certain reputation among the Ivies), or maybe it’s because I’m a little weird myself, but I’ve found that the guys here are actually pretty awesome. They’re certainly not your stereotypical Ivy League boys (except for a few), but I like them. (And hey, we’ve got Emma Watson as an example of these British girls. Though I really doubt that’s the reason she came here.)

    9. Hillary - Columbia says:

      Sorry, maybe I wasn't being clear enough with this article—I LIKE that the guys I go to school with aren't the stuffy, dull preps that the Times of London article assumes all Ivy League guys are. I was just trying to say that the article is completely wrong about everything—and that if British girls really are coming to the US in order to find the kind of guys they see on TV, they're going to be pretty disappointed, even though the real boys are much more interesting than their onscreen counterparts.

    10. JenniferUofR says:

      Oh, see it seemed like you didn't like them, thats where we all got a little confused, I even read it twice.

    11. kaileigh says:

      I laughed so hard at 'books and hot sauce'. That's so good, haha

    12. Mar says:

      No, really. The guys at Columbia are wonderfully quirky and make wonderful friends… but quirky is really the tip of the iceberg. The straight boys (which make up maybe 20% of the school's overall population) are usually un-dateable for some miscellaneous reason. The only that are dateable (maybe 5% of the student population) are dating someone.

    13. helbells says:

      Uh, I had a blast at Columbia, and there were a substantial number of good looking and fun men.

      I would like to point out that there are a lot of lame people at every college. The person who wrote this article or "Mar" clearly lived in Butler on the weekends and had no life.

      Additionally, I would love to meet a guy who tried to make his own beer. At least he has interests unlike a majority of morons I've met in my life.

    14. Lauren says:

      I have to agree with Mar. I go to Dartmouth and all the boys are adorable quirky to a fault – when they are sober. By sophomore year (when students are allowed to rush for the first time) these guys get a taste of frat-bro-ness and start injecting that mentality into their everyday life…losing their adorableness one day at a time. And there are only 20% who don't rush and 5% who are dateable. And there's too many sexually-depraved girls up here for that 5% to go very far.

    15. Mar says:

      I would like to point out to "helsbells" that I'm not criticizing the Columbia male student population, but I do believe it is an on-going joke between Columbia females that all dateable males are dating other males. It is hard to dispute that.

      Additionally, I don't live in Butler, thanks.

    16. V says:

      Dan goes to Dartmouth in the books. Sooo yeah…

      and considering that my boyfriend spends countless hours on google maps looking at other parts of the world, I'm not really one to judge a guy for being int hot sause. To me it's all considerably more interesting than dating a guy who really likes beer pong and basketball…

    17. Amanda says:

      this is kind of funny since I'm going to England to meet English guys cause I think most (not all) the ones here suck…

    18. […] gay, thirty percent of them are in long-term relationships, and the remaining twenty are generally kinda weird. (Many in a cute way, but some in a… not so cute way.) The fact that there’s an all-girls’ […]

    • You Might Like