He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition

December 6, 2009 3:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Zahra- Northwestern University g+ page

When I read He’s Just Not That Into You, I loved it except for one thing: so many of the scenarios aren’t applicable to college girls. I mean, just because a guy isn’t asking to marry us right now does not necessarily mean he has no interest in us!


By Zahra

So here’s my gift to you: He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition. Use this and figure out if he’s really into you, or just really into getting in your pants.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s “too busy for a girlfriend.” Um, we’re in college. We’re all really busy. I have to go to classes, do homework, attend meetings, hang out with friends, write for this here publication, the list goes on. But when I like someone, you can bet your pretty little face I’ll make some time to hang out with them, and eventually date them if I like them enough. Boys, as weird as they may be, will do the same.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself. I use this one to do a little test to see if a guy actually likes me. I’ll mention something about myself when it fits with the conversation we’re having. Like, if we’re talking about blogs I’ll say “Oh, I write for an awesome website.” If the guy just nods then rambles about some blog he frequents, I’ve got a huge hint as to his feelings about me. If he asks which fabulous site I write for, what I write about, etc. then I assume he actually cares. (And then I edit what I write about him on the site…. he’s gonna be reading it now, after all!)

He’s just not that into you if: he knows you know about other girls he’s messing around/trying to mess around with, but he doesn’t stop. I know, it’s college and hooking up is a popular extracurricular activity. But if a guy wants you to take him seriously, he won’t like that you have to hear about him hooking up with other girls. More importantly, he won’t want to hurt you. And no, ladies, this does not mean that if he tries to hide this from you, he likes you.

He’s just not that into you if: he puts you down. I’m not talking about teasing, which can be a fun way to flirt. I mean “you’re fat,” “you have no friends,” “I’m always the better one in this relationship,” type stuff. Don’t put up with that from a guy, ever.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s all over other girls in front of you. Yes, guys can be extra friendly. They can also be audacious enough to hit on other girls in front of your face. At times it can be a fine line, but it’s not a good sign when they cross it.

He’s just not that into you if: you guys haven’t been hooking up for very long and he doesn’t care about grossing you out/being rude. I was lying in a guy’s bed, about to drift off when he decided it was the right time to tell me he farts in his sleep (which wouldn’t be well timed, like these). Completely unnecessary, but hey, thanks for giving me a good reason to get the hell out of there!

He’s just not that into you if: he only focuses on himself during sex. When you like someone, you like to please them, plain and simple. He might be nervous that he’s not a sexual savant but if he likes you, he’ll want to try.

He’s just not that into you if: he pretty much kicks you out of bed the next morning. If he wakes up, looks at you, and the first words out of his mouth are “When are you leaving?” (or some variation with the same message) you can assume he doesn’t have a burning desire to date you.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t say hi to you when he sees you somewhere. No, he’s not nervous. No, he’s not trying to come up with the perfect opening line. No, he’s not waiting until he can go check his hair in a mirror. He might not remember who you are (not a good sign), or, worse, he might just not care.

He’s just not that into you if: he only mass texts you. You open a text and see “Hey grl. Wat r u doin? I’m bored, wna come watch a movie?” Your friends all open their phones to the same text. Charming. If this happens, shoot him an “LOL” and be done with it.

He’s just not that into you if: he only texts you, period. I don’t care if he has unlimited texts, guys will take time to call the girls they like.

He’s just not that into you if: he has to get drunk every time you hang out. Think about it: if he was completely hammered at that party you went to together last night, more than buzzed at that dinner a few days ago, and stumbling over his words at breakfast a week ago…you have a problem on your hands. Or maybe he has the problem and should be referred to AA.

He’s just not that into you if: he hits on your best friend. It’s unlikely that he’s trying to make you jealous. When I’ve explained this hopeful theory to my guy friends, they stare at me like I’m a moron and then say “Zahra. We’re too simple for that. He’s hitting on her because he likes her, not you.” Ouch.

He’s just not that into you if: he talks about his ex-girlfriend and you can tell he’s not over her. There was one guy that rapped (yes, rapped) about his ex-girlfriend when I was alone with him. Do I even need to explain this one?

The bottom line is, boys that like you are supposed to treat you well. They’ll show an interest in you, the things you like, and will want to make you feel special. So, if he repeatedly makes you wonder if he’s really into you, he’s not worth it! Move on and find someone you like who actually wants to be with you. You’re fabulous, you deserve it.

26 Comments on "He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition"

  1. Marie says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 200911:45 am 

    I love it!

  2. Lisa says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 200912:02 pm 

    The text one is NOT necessarily true. Lots of boys HATE the phone. (Like my bf). I think I've talked to my boyfriend on the phone…once…in our entire relationship. We're very much in love, but we prefer to talk in person. If he refuses to call you, that may be a warning. But don't write off every boy with a phone phobia.

  3. Candie says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20091:33 pm 

    Hahaha I love you.

  4. Sara says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20091:59 pm 

    Well none of these are true about me and my guy. So why hasn't he asked me out yet?!

  5. Cait says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20093:05 pm 

    I love this, I agree with all of them except this one:

    "He’s just not that into you if: you guys haven’t been hooking up for very long and he doesn’t care about grossing you out/being rude…etc"

    I know for a fact that a who does this is in to me, and this is just his personality, he doesn't care about burping and farting, but other things embarrass him like his beer belly and stuff like that, it just depends on who the person is. Hell, I'll burp in front of a guy I like, cause that's what I do, and I'd rather be who I am and feel him out/see how he reacts, because then I know whether we would actually be a good match, and I think the same goes for guys, guess I could be wrong on this one, but ya.

  6. Zahra- Northwestern says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20096:21 pm 

    If you girls have found boys that exhibit any of these qualities but are still very into you, more power to you! Seriously, that's fabulous.

    As for lol…thanks for clicking on my facebook link =). I appreciate it. Also, i get to regularly crack up about guys' antics with my friends. If that's not making my life better, I'm not sure what is.

  7. Zahra- Northwestern says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 20098:13 pm 

    Well, I compiled this list from the experiences of myself and my friends. The boys that ended up on this list for me? Yeah, it was two. Thanks for the input, though. I won't be responding to you anymore, but really, thanks for reading!

  8. Rachel says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 200911:09 pm 

    Phew, thanks to Lisa for your comment! I was starting to get unnerved by the 'he's just not into you if he only ever texts you', as my boyfriend and I have spoken on the phone twice that I can remember, for a couple of minutes or less each time. Then I remembered that the fact that we're in a relationship means that he probably is fairly into me (yay!).

  9. Rachel says:
    Sun, 6th Dec 200911:10 pm 

    Oh, but great article Zahra, I thought the same thing when reading he's just not that into you about it being really inapplicable to girls my age, so well done for giving us something better to go on!

  10. rach says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 20094:47 am 

    for when these fabulous relationships end (which, some of them will), i recommend the follow up book written by Greg (the author of HJNTIY) and his wife, it's called It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.

    beautiful, heartwarming, and hilarious

  11. Alissa says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 20095:05 am 

    Agreed on the texting point. I have been dating this guy and we almost never talk on the phone but we always text. I like phone calls, yes, but I think in this day and age they aren't the end all be all. Granted, if you only talk via text, ie: booty calls and shallow texting. Red flag. I think you have to look at the whole picture in this scenario. Maybe just texting with the addition of one of the other 'sypmtoms'.

  12. Sarah says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 200910:14 am 

    This is a fabulous list. Girls tend to think that boys are into them when they really aren't… and then they get their feelings hurt when things don't go their way! So its good to be able to step back and think about what is really going on, not what we wish was going on. Thanks for writing about this!

  13. Ness says:
    Mon, 7th Dec 20091:35 pm 

    I loved this article!! I know a few girls who need to read this… I feel like so many of us make up excuses for guys in order to justify their shenannigains. If they don't respect you enough to give you the time of day… PEACEEE

  14. Dan says:
    Thu, 10th Dec 20091:38 pm 

    Some of Those Questions Guys Are Afraid to Ask Girls…

    http://www.precioustimeny.com/blog/?p=6997

  15. Maria says:
    Sat, 12th Dec 200911:53 am 

    I am not a fan of this list…to me every one seems pretty obvious (He's not into you if he tells you you're fat…really?!), and I don't think college is a reason to throw away the actual "He's Just Not That Into You" rules. You should expect to be treated well regardless of what stage of education you're completing. I'm not saying he should want to marry you, but have a little self-respect.

  16. Male says:
    Sat, 26th Dec 20096:59 pm 

    Two is or is not true, it depends on the guy and how good they are with talking to girls. The ones who are good at it will "get it" and shift the conversation to the girl. Others won't – some guys can get really nervous and miss the point. It's true!

    About the "hi" thing as well: Again, depends on the guy. Some are really shy and have trouble even saying hi. *cough* Depends on the girl, the guy, the situation, etc.

    The text one: Depends on the guy. I hate phones. Written words are my friend.

    Otherwise, I agree with the list. Carry on.

  17. Terry says:
    Mon, 19th Jul 20105:19 am 

    I love this article! Great job :)

  18. Nia says:
    Mon, 19th Jul 201011:29 am 

    i felt the same way about the book too! i'm glad you wrote this, i loved it! & ya people are gonna disagree with some of the statements but like they mention in the book, these aren't laws or things set in stone. they're just guidelines so there are always gonna be exceptions! great work Zahra :)

  19. OldFashioned says:
    Mon, 19th Jul 20101:13 pm 

    Great list and very true. Texting is cheap and takes forever to make a point that could be made in a two minute phone call. Also love the one about not "having time for a girlfriend". Ladies, if you have time, he has time. A friend of mine falls for these lame excuses-I'm showing her this

  20. kelly says:
    Sat, 23rd Apr 20119:01 pm 

    I’m so glad I found this! Its so true about college guys! I spent a whole semester and more liking someone who I would just see at the bar flirt with and make out then nothing would come of it. We would hook up then he would never contact me again! It sucks! I finally stood up for myself and told him how rude he was being! This is very applicable to college guys.

  21. Rakhi says:
    Fri, 13th Jul 201211:35 pm 

    Look for term insurance not whole life a much betetr value for your money you want death protection not investment out of insurance invest in investment programs (401 Roth IRA ETC) not life insurance only purchase term insurance to cover the loss of an income to protect your family

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