Comments on: Tuffy Luv Sez: Your Actions Are Your Own

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Mon, 06 Jun 2011 18:38:38 +0000

[...] Tuffy Luv Sez: Your actions are your own [...]

By: Emmy - Loyola Univer

Emmy - Loyola Univer — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:18:52 +0000

Do not tell your current boyfriend. That is a horrible horrible horrible idea and will only serve to stir up trouble in what sounds like an otherwise good relationship. Just learn from your mistakes and don't cheat again.

By: Casey

Casey — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:43:58 +0000

S, while discussing details of past relationships isn't advised, if you plan on having a serious relationship with a person they should know YOUR history, which includes some information about your dating history. If she doesn't tell her current boyfriend, who she mentioned knows the guy she cheated on her previous boyfriend with, then he's likely to find out that she cheated and will trust her even less than if she tells him herself. The fact that she told him right from the get go will prove to him that she realizes she made a mistake and that she's trying to start this relationship out right, with HONESTY. No she didn't cheat on him, and he had nothing to do with her previous relationship, but good relationships are built on trust, and admitting faults before the other has a chance to find out, perhaps years down the road when they have already invested years into a relationship, is doing the right thing. If she tells him now he can decide if he wants to stay with her since she's making an effort to change and be honest, or if he would rather not be with someone who has previously cheated. It's best that he hears it from her.

This is an extreme example, but, if you were dating a guy for a couple years and one day he told you, or you find out, that he killed someone, even if it happened before you met him and he's never done it again, how would you feel? You would likely feel as though your entire relationship is a lie, that he's not the person you thought he was, and you'd likely be angry that he entered into a relationship with you without telling you that important detail about himself.

Personally, I would never want to date someone who's cheated. Not only because I'd be afraid they would cheat on me, but because like I said earlier, people who have cheated often get paranoid that their partner is cheating. And I don't want to constantly be accused of something simply because someone else has a guilty conscience. So that would definitely make or break a relationship for me and I would like to know before I invest a lot of time and emotion into the relationship.

By: S

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:29:00 +0000

for the sake of her current relationship…. no don't tell. it has nothing to do with the current boyfriend, why make him paranoid and jealous? discussing relationship history is a BAD IDEA regardless and bringing cheating in the picture is even worse. whatever she has done is on her own conscience, but it shouldn't involve the guy.

By: Erich

Erich — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:04:30 +0000

Not all girls wallow in guilt> I have an ex who has cheated on everyone shes ever dated. How do I know? We have two kids together so yes, I still have to see her and whenever she breaks up with someone, she calls me to say she's sorry, but she aint changed.

I agree with Tuffy, you wanted your instant gratification and now you are sorry only cause you may miss out on this great guy, should of thought about that commitment you made.

By: Candie

Candie — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:14:34 +0000

I dont think Tuffy is being too harsh at all. So many girls blame guys and say things like "all guys are the same! they're all jerks! you cant trust them!" but when a girl does the same thing, its somehow different just because she wallows in guilt?

By: Maggie

Maggie — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:59:41 +0000

I think Tuffy & Casey are right. "Reformed", an important part of any good relationship is openness. You should be able to tell your bf everything–the cheating episode included. And yes, people who cheat are more likely to be paranoid that their significant others will cheat too–the mentality is "If I did, why wouldn't they?" You should make sure you have a long talk w/ your bf about this issue & discuss all of your concerns. Good luck!

By: Star

Star — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 14:40:01 +0000

This seems like harsh advice. Why don't you just go ahead and tell her that because of one mistake she is a horrible person who can never change her ways and deserves everything she gets? It's one thing when a girl is still cheating and you set her straight, it's completely different to tear down someone who is trying to change. Way to be a bitch, and not in the "you need to hear this" sort of way.

If I'm reading her letter write she cheated on her PAST boyfriend not the current one. Maybe she should discuss this eventually (though I would do it in person and not long distance) but why does she need to feel so guilty about telling her current boyfriend right away?

By: Casey

Casey — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:21:09 +0000

It's not uncommon that cheaters get paranoid that their partner will cheat, It's a side effect of the guilt.