Single. With Zero Options

December 11, 2009     Posted in Relationships

Where are all the guys?!

We were all sitting around eating Christmas cookies and gossiping at our last girls’ night before the craziness of finals began. As tends to happen at any girl session, the topic quickly turned to boys. Or on this particular night, it was the lack of available boys that seemed to dominate the discussion.


By Emmy

One of my friends was seriously fed up with the selection of college guys. “Seriously, there are zero boys that any of us would actually date here!” she griped while French braiding my roommate’s hair. (I know – it was pretty 7th grade up in there.)  “I’m asking for a cat for Christmas!”

While her complaints about the lack of datable boys might be a bit dramatic (there’s no need to bring cats into the picture yet!), I realized she was completely right. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time any of my friends met a single boy they actually liked.

With more girls than boys entering college these days, the national girl to boy ratio for college students is 60:40. And that’s boys total, including the ones with girlfriends, the creepsters, the d-bags and the weird ones who always smell like mildew.  If we’re just counting the eligible dudes, I’d say there’s only about 5. The numbers are totally stacked against us, making meeting a potential boyfriend damn near impossible. 

It doesn’t seem that way, of course. On any given Friday night (when you’re 2 sheets and 12 Miller Lites to the wind) you are surrounded by guys. Sandwiched between them, even. You feel hopeful as you strike up a conversation with the cute guy next to you (after he accidentally shoves you into a wall) and hit it off. “I finally found one!” you think to yourself.

And then he casually mentions his long distance GF who’s flying in in the morning. Or worse, a long distance BF.

Or maybe you find one that is single. And cute. And charming. So you let the vodka cranberries do the talking and follow him outside for a little make out sesh. “Cute and a good kisser?” you think as he takes your hand and walks you back to his place. “I think I’m in love.” Of course, he’s not thinking the same thing. In fact, the minute you retrieve your pants from under his bed in the morning he’s already forgotten your name and you head back to your room, mascara smeared across your face, still single.

And so it goes, weekend after weekend after weekend. And you keep trying because people always talk about meeting their boyfriends/husbands in college. But the result is always the same. It’s mentally exhausting. It’s expensive. And putting on heels every weekend to make your legs look good is wreaking havoc on your feet.

Going to school in the middle of Chicago, I never thought there would be a shortage of men. In fact, walking through campus and seeing all the boys scurrying off to class, I always expected my possibilities to be endless. But that is most definitely not the case. It seems that no matter how hard I try and no matter how many guys there seem to be, there really aren’t many fish in the college sea.

34 Comments on "Single. With Zero Options"

  1. Christen says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 200912:25 pm 

    This is WAY too accurate. While my school isn't all that big, I still feel like the guys fall into one of the many undesirable or impossible stereotypes. I'm holding out hope for post-college dating

  2. Sarah says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20091:17 pm 

    That's how it was for me in college too, but now that I'm in graduate school, I'm suddenly meeting a ton of cute, nice, eligible guys for once. I think it helps that some of them are older and far more mature. So there is hope, ladies!

  3. Katya says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20092:42 pm 

    That's why you go to a school that has a 60:40 ratio of guys:girls. :)

  4. Emmy - Loyola Univer says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20092:55 pm 

    Wow Katya, I am jealous!

  5. Zahra- Northwestern says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20093:41 pm 

    Emmy, seriously, it must be something about Chicago…same thing over on our campus, girl.

  6. Starr says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20096:09 pm 

    Same here in Texas

  7. E. says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20097:00 pm 

    None of the (interested) girls I know have had problems, but we're not really the heavy-drinking-and-partying crowd. From what I've seen and heard, the problem may be in where you're looking… drunken parties aren't the easiest place in the world to start a relationship.

  8. natashagaiski says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 20098:42 pm 

    Yah know what, you find a guy..when you find a guy. It's that simple. Sometimes I do feel down that I don't think of anyone I truly like that enough to date. I mean, there are a few hopefuls and of course that guy I would go out with but aren't sure if he really does like me only. I feel it's better to just relax, study, make guy friends.. and let a boyfriend come into the picture when the time is right and I am ready.

  9. Eleanor says:
    Fri, 11th Dec 200910:37 pm 

    That's one benefit of majoring in something that is only 13% girls (at least at my school). Lots of guys, and as one of the few girls you are very visible.

    Although not going to lie, anything with a ratio like that has a disproportionate number of weirdos. But the odds are so good you come out on top anyway. :)

  10. Katie says:
    Sat, 12th Dec 20096:25 am 

    Sadly majoring in engineering isn't even helping me.

  11. TG says:
    Sat, 12th Dec 20098:32 am 

    This is sadly WAY to accurate. BUT I'm still hopeful. The right one will come around girls!

  12. Lily says:
    Sun, 13th Dec 20093:36 am 

    My school is 80% male….yay for military college!

  13. Rauleigh says:
    Sun, 13th Dec 20095:05 pm 

    Way too accurate. Going to go get a tub of Ben and Jerry's *sigh*

  14. Kallie says:
    Mon, 14th Dec 20099:04 am 

    yeah, being in engineering and having a ratio of 80:20 of guys:girls still doesn't help…

    "the dating odds are good, but the goods are odd"

  15. Megan says:
    Mon, 14th Dec 200910:32 am 

    This is pretty accurate! I go to a pretty small school (about 600 total enrolled?) and all the guys are actually freshman. There were a lot of guys when I started as a freshman. Now that I'm a senior, most of those guys have transferred or dropped out completely leaving the majority of my graduating class dominated by females!

  16. mischa says:
    Mon, 14th Dec 20093:13 pm 

    I'd say take an engineering major for a good 2:10 girls:guys ratio :)

  17. Brookswift says:
    Mon, 14th Dec 20094:10 pm 

    I had exactly the opposite problem in college. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong places? I didn't really start meeting girls until I became a nearly full time dancer. Perhaps you should find a passion or hobby that involves socializing with a lot of guys? When I took a jazz dance class, I was the only guy aside from the teacher.

  18. Ron Goans says:
    Tue, 15th Dec 20091:09 am 

    I have a different perspective on this. As a guy, I hear women complain about the lack of good guys out there. Yet, as a grad student in physics, the vast majority of my friends, and the guys I work with, are good guys.

    If you're having trouble finding them, then you are probably looking in the wrong places. It is, to me, highly unlikely that you live in an area where there are so few good guys. Look to where the guys are. I'd suggest looking more in science, clubs and activities (e.g. hiking or charities), friends, friends of friends, etc. Believe me, there are plenty of good guys out there. You just have to look beyond the more obvious jerks.

  19. Amanda says:
    Tue, 15th Dec 20099:43 am 

    Like everyone else said, this is WAY to accurate. I got so excited to come to college and actually find appealing guys but they end up being taken, gay, or a douche. I'm probably looking in the wrong places, but where am I suppose to look. How do you strike a conversation in the library?

    But usually when you are willing to go into bed with a complete stranger or make out with random guys, it usually makes a sign that you may not be serious or a slut.

  20. nessa says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20095:27 am 

    My school has 15,000 students and 70:30 guy to girl ratio. It's a tech school and we have a LOT of weirdos. As a senior, I feel as if I've met all the nice normal guys here, so much so that I'm hanging out with a freshman. He is my age, but still a FRESHMAN. I'm very social and work at both the school gym (good place to meet some cute beefy looking dudes) and a bar and I seem to only come up with creepsters.

    I feel that sometimes you have to make the first move, because sometimes the cute ones may just be intimidated to talk to you… (for some reasons only the creepers are bold). Be proactive… before the booze (because we all know how that ends, I once woke up spooning with a guy with no chin…ew). It's really all about confidence and how you carry yourself.

  21. C says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20097:25 am 

    This is so true! And sad! Literally me and my friends (girls) have the same conversation over and over. It's so annoying, and especially the whole guys with girlfriends thing. And the fact that some don't tell you. Or you go out on the weekends, meet a potential guy and find out he goes to community college back home or he's "working." It is exhausting and I am so over it!

  22. Jessica says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20098:42 am 

    I SO AGREE WITH THIS! I can't remember the last time I met a cute, nice guy who was available! I go out almost every weekend, and I am always on the lookout, but, no luck! And it's the same thing with my friends. It's like, how am I supposed to find ANYONE when everywhere I look, there's nothing?

  23. Leftos says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20091:08 pm 

    Many of the users at our site have asked questions about similar dilemmas. One of the best pieces of advice one of the Leftos.com users gave was that you could just be looking in the wrong places. The places you go to regularly probably don't have a large crop of men that you actually are interested in. His advice was to change up your routine and try doing different things such as going to different bars, events, and social get togethers.

  24. TheBritishGuy says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20092:21 pm 

    From a guys perspective I studied in two seperate colleges and my experiences were very different.

    The first college had a large portion of girls and some very attractive ones too. The thing is when you go to college you usually end up striking up a romance but the issue is when your in college you have the choice between sticking with one girl or playing the field.

    Most guys choose to stay single when they realise there is more demand for them and live in a prosper way. The guys who do get taken usually end up with a very nice girl they wouldn't want to leave anyway.

    I personally thought any guy at that college that wasn't single or with an unbelievably hot girlfriend was insane. It was just a place where a smart guy with the right bait could take the place by storm.

    During that year I spent a lot of time just having fun and stayed single practically all the time.

    Second college I went to there were many many more guys than girls and the competition for the girls was intense. That allowed the girls to use the supply and demand situation against the guys and they could be a lot more picky.

    Problem is less girls also means less girls you want to be with and there were only 2 girls I really wanted to be with in that college so I had to cool my jets and settle for one girl and keep her to myself.

    Mentalities change rapidly based on where you are and if you are at a college with more guys than girls then guys adopt a very different mentality.

    Worth broadening your horizons though like going to new places etc.

  25. CollegeGirl says:
    Wed, 16th Dec 20097:24 pm 

    I have the same same problem. The guys I've met this semester, although really cute and nice at first ended up being complete and total douchebags before we ended it. Other guys are either gay, creepy, have girlfriends, aren't looking for anything serious, or just view you as a friend. It's so hard because guys that seem totally normal, nice, and fun at first end up letting me down.

  26. anonymous says:
    Thu, 17th Dec 20094:29 pm 

    Definately the same at UNLV (Las Vegas) You would think this place would be swimming with guys, except it's swimming with all the wrong ones! Everyone comes here to party like the world is going to end, the one night stands; none of the good ones stay in vegas!

  27. emily says:
    Sat, 19th Dec 200911:32 pm 

    ughh my life right now. depressing.

  28. Ana says:
    Sun, 20th Dec 20096:38 pm 

    I went to both college and graduate school with a WAY higher ratio of guys than girls. Like 80% male and 20% female. I would say of those 80% males, about 99% of them were psychotic weirdos, and 1% were nice normal men who had 12 chins.

    I never won the game at either school. That's why I'm a very beautiful, sexy 28 year old woman…who is also very single.

  29. Ted Rish says:
    Mon, 1st Feb 20108:52 am 

    Here's a crazy thought girls, maybe you could ask a guy out that you like instead of waiting for him to do it!!

  30. Tyler says:
    Sat, 20th Feb 20107:29 pm 

    Hmm well said Ted! This is somewhat of a mystery to all men, why women dont hit on us but as soon as we talk to them they are very excited. They could also use the way alot of guys find women nowadays to find a guy themselves. Namely through help of myspace and facebook and some more worthy dating sites. Go fishing on them and say you randomly came across him, friend of a friend, w.e. poke him and chances are he will not ignore you and strike a conversation. Guys Love it when a girl hits on them First. Just know your limits, dont be retarded. And dont fall for mr popular only because you know hes not a so called "creeper". Thats another thing yall women need to LOSE the attitude. If thier is ever anything wrong with a guys behavior its most likely womens fault for making him like that.

  31. Tyler says:
    Sat, 20th Feb 20107:43 pm 

    Id like to know what cities have intelligent attractive women and are in need of good guys… As a resident of South Beach Miami, I can tell you that the women here are Very Stupid. And broke and without a car. And they pick the most random guys as boyfriends. If not that they all whore one guy. I thought it was an age thing like how women dont get a brain until 25 which explains why they have retarded bf's, but IDK. It seems to be the more attractive they are they more average to worthless thier bf is. There seem to be far more guys here also and the competition is large but not fierce if you know what I mean. Women here are Very standoffish, they have a ton of guys hitting on them a daily basis. I want to go to California again but it seems like I would be up against even more guys.. and my best game is picking them up off myspace. Keeping in mind I hate the cold. I have a suspision all the good women are up North, something I have always known but I have to wonder why.

  32. Tyler says:
    Sat, 20th Feb 20107:45 pm 

    I hope that last one didnt make me sound like an idiot. haha. Im not the myspace type but whatever works works.

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