Overheard: I Think I Look Good in Your Body

By John

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get listening.

(Frat guy, at a party.)

Guy: Okay, everyone! Dicks up, boy couch!

(Two guys in class, before lecture starts.)

Guy 1: My girlfriend broke up with me, and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed.

Guy 2: Ouch.

Guy 1: Yeah, I sent them to her dad.

(Girl at a party.)

Girl: C’mon, let’s get out of here!

Guy: We can’t. You’re wasted. Let’s stay here.

Girl: I’m not that drunk. (Passes out into a pile of empties.)

(Guy, at one end of a long table in a diner.)

Guy: Yo, can someone pass me the cat?

Girl: What?

Guy: The jelly. Pass me the jelly.

(Guys, studying in the library.)

Guy 1: Shakespeare got to make up whatever words he wanted.

Guy 2: Like “s***dick.”

Guy 1: What? No, he didn’t.

Guy 2: He sure did. Never used it in his plays, though.

(Guy, on the phone.)

Guy: Guess what? Last night a BJ saved my life.

(Girl and guy, in the dining hall.)

Guy: Can you get me some soda?

Girl: No. I’m not your secretary.

Guy: Sure you are. Get me a Coke, titmittens.

(Girl and a guy, sitting in Taco Bell.)

Guy: You want to have sex after this?

Girl: Nah, I’m pretty full.

(Two guys, sitting on the shuttle bus.)

Guy 1: Hey, excuse me.

Guy 2: Huh?

Guy 1: Our butts just touched. Sorry about that.

(Two girls and a guy, talking in the dining hall.)

Girl 1: Would you want to be a guy for, like, a day?

Girl 2: I don’t think so. I wouldn’t want to feel my genitalia outside of my body.

Guy: You get used to it.

(Girl and a guy, reading the newspaper.)

Girl: Look. It’s you. (pointing)

Guy: Not really?

Girl: Yeah, if you were a little five-foot tall Nazi.

(Girl, alone at a check-out counter, with a bag of beans.)

Girl: I like beans.