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A Guide To Getting Over Him Quickly
December 19, 2009 Posted in Advice, Relationships
He's not worth that smeared lipstick, girlfriend!
It all happens so quickly.
You are out a bar/party with your girls, looking amazing, because, honestly, what CollegeCandy girl doesn’t look amazing? You see him, he sees you and – boom – you start talking. Talking turns into flirting, flirting turns into so-bad-they’re-cute pick up lines and soon he’s buying you a drink. Maybe it’s the vodka, maybe it’s the way he keeps finding an excuse to touch you’re arm, but you’re smitten and your night just got a whole lot better. The number exchange comes next and the cute-textathon begins.
He’s sweet and witty and you look forward to the daily flirtation and then – out of nowhere - it just stops. No more morning musings. No more responses to your adorable messages. Nada.
Turns out, homeboy just isn’t that into you.
After that lovely realization comes the packages of Oreo cookies, the Friends marathons, the comfy pajama pants, and the over- analyzing. It doesn’t matter that nothing ever really came from this; getting rejected sucks and it hurts and you really thought this guy was gonna be the guy. But you were wrong. And now you’re 3lbs heavier, lonely and hating yourself.
While getting over a guy should be as easy as getting into him, it never is. But you deserve more than nights spent alone in front of the mirror wondering what’s wrong with you. Because there’s nothing wrong with you. Remind yourself of that and follow these 5 little steps and you’ll be over that turd in no time.
1. “Delete Him”- This is challenging because in some instances, and almost all of mine, we all hold onto the hope that it might just work out. That he’s been super busy and just hasn’t had time to send a text or two. But let’s be real: it won’t, he’s not, and you must, as hard as it is, delete him from your life. That means cell phone, Facebook, gchat, etc. All of it. Get rid of him. Don’t leave yourself any opportunity for a drunk dial/text/very public Facebook wall post.
2. “Replace Him”- Get the speakers out and turn up Beyonce. Remember, “you can have another him in a minute.” He’s nothing special, and he is definitely replaceable. You’re in college, honey; there are plenty of really attractive and intelligent fish out there, so jump back into that pond.
3. “If he didn’t have time for you, don’t give him time.”- Stop sitting around and pondering the details. Gather up your friends, go out and have fun. Distraction is the best way to move on, and all the time you waste thinking about him is all potential time you could be using to find someone who will return your calls.
4. “Refocus on You.”- Throughout every boy chase, I feel like girls always lose focus of who they are. Remember that you were awesome before him, and you will be after him. Stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself of all your good qualities, rediscover what makes you happy and do it.
5. “Make a hate list”- It’s okay to be bitter for a bit. In fact, hate is a very important part of getting over someone. Take out some paper and make a list of his less than finer qualities. Be brutal. It will not only make you feel really good, but you now have a working list of things to avoid in the future.
We only have 4 years in college (Editor’s Note: Trust me, it goes by way too fast!) and it is not OK to waste most of that pining away for a guy who’s not worth it. So get him out of your phone and out of your mind fast. It is possible.
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stephanie says:
Sat, 19th Dec 20092:49 pm
this article could not come at a more perfect time for me. "Remember that you were awesome before him, and you will be after him"– this one little sentence changed my whole perspective and is making me realize that it IS possible to move on from heartache. the guy i was interested in was definitely interested in me at one point in time recently, and somehow he got over it and moved on, leaving me to wonder wtf happened and if i did something to offset this. but clearly, if he found me interesting enough to pursue in the first place, it was never anything about or wrong with ME. so whatever, his loss. also, 'delete him' always seems to be the hardest part, but its definitely the biggest step to take in order to move on. thank you, megan!
Meg Garvin says:
Sat, 19th Dec 20096:27 pm
: ) good work.
Ness says:
Sat, 19th Dec 20097:21 pm
I totally agree with this article! While visiting a friend at college, I developed a crush on a reallllly hot guy who went there and we hit it off. Best weekend ever! We continued to talk after I left and eventually chatting died down… he didn't respond to my texts saying "he didn't get them" (always a lie), and when I visited again, he just ignored me. I was heated and kept dwelling on what was wrong with me. Embarrassing drunk texts galore… then I met a new guy the next night and deleted his number… instantly freeing!!
The advice "remember you were awesome before him and you are awesome after him" is so true! To add to that, remember you are awesome when you are with him. I, as well as many other girls I'm sure, definitely fall victim to letting a guy control our emotions. When a guy doesn't respond to a text or disappoints you… don't let it bring you down. Remember, you're fantastic and you have so much more going on in your life to be worried about that! This way of thinking has made me a MUCH happier person and has also improved my relationships. Instead of seeming like an angry needy girl, I come off as and feel more independent, which is a lot more of an attractive quality to myself, others, and whomever I may be dating.
Becca says:
Sat, 19th Dec 20099:35 pm
You're advice about deleting him is the absolute best. After my ex dumped me for another woman, I would torture myself spying on them on facebook. Finally, I blocked them both and that's when I finally started to get over him.
Great article.
Maria M. says:
Sun, 20th Dec 20098:26 pm
good job meggie… sounds like our talks summed up into one.. thank goodness we go to Penn State and there are ish loads of men to choose from… best way to get over a man is to—go out with your gals look smokin’ and find a new one! Don’t cry, just say NEXT! silly boys don’t know what they are missing
CollegeGirl says:
Wed, 23rd Dec 20098:22 pm
This article comes at a perfect time for me too! I meet a guy at a party, we flirt, exchange numbers, hook up/hang out 1-2 months and then BAM, i see him again, he ignores me, it's like we never met at all. I wonder..the last time I saw you things were perfect, what could have possibly changed within one week? It's hard to think that some guy can be totally into you at one moment and then so not at the next, but I guess I just have to accept that maybe they were bored or wanted to move on and see other girls. It's SO hard to get over him and I want to believe it wasn't ME! Obviously the guy thought I was special so there must be others out there who do too. I just have to keep telling myself that..and it's not like I was going to marry him. Guys come and go…sometimes without much explanation but that's because guys aren't great communicators. I deserve someone more mature.
Alli says:
Sun, 27th Dec 20092:24 pm
I really liked this advice even though I kind of already do most of these things when I realize on my own that I need to get over a guy. What’s a girl to do though when said guy can’t be deleted from her life? Maybe you share a lot of the same friends or maybe he still texts you once a month to say something witty and sweet or maybe you work at the same place. How do you get over a douchey guy who keeps dragging out something that’s never going to turn into anything?
athina says:
Wed, 30th Dec 20093:28 pm
check out bellagab.com
great advice on relationships
Beth says:
Mon, 4th Jan 20106:57 pm
This advice came at the perfect time, thank you. I have a question though…I'm still in the process of getting over this guy, and I hadn't seen him or spoken to him in over a month until I walked into my first chemistry class of the semester this morning and spotted him in the third row! My heart skipped about three beats. I sat in the back that class, but usually I sit near the front in lectures and I don't want to have the spend the entire semester avoiding him! And I don't know what to do if we make eye contact! This certainly won't making getting over him easier. What should I do??
Sharon says:
Fri, 19th Feb 20109:17 am
Hey Beth,
As a possible solution to your problem, I would say sit in the front row like you usually do. But be careful in front of him, because if you sit behind him, you might spend time glancing in his direction which won't be possible if you sit in front of him. I totally understand about your heart skipping a couple of beats. I'm getting over an ex too, it happens to me whenever I see him.