The Great Dilemma: Spanx or No Spanx?

There are many difficult decisions we women must make at different times throughout our lives: tampon or pad, Brazilian or bikini, Pantene or Herbel Essense, Gossip Girl or The Hills? Difficult, difficult decisions.

It wasn’t until recently, however, that I faced one of the toughest short term decisions of my life. Or night. This choice would affect it all: my looks, my weight, and my potential for pulling some major booty.

Here was my dilemma: Do I wear Spanx, the best body shaping underwear that eliminates panty lines and takes about 10 pounds away from my curvaceous bod, or do I wear the sexy, skanky, black lace thong?

I know I’m not the only girl out there who has pondered this perplexity. And I am definitely not the last. So, what should you do? Let’s break it down:

Spanx make that tight dress fit perfectly and suck you in at all the right places. Problem is, body shaping underwear looks like this, or worse, like this. They’re like granny-panties-meet-military-armor with the dangerous potential to scare away any guy who finds his way down south.

Thongs, on the other hand, are straight out of every man’s fantasy. They are a guaranteed turn-on and a real flag raiser (if you know what I’m sayin’…). But they also leave everything hangin’ out…and jiggling.

Spanx make you look good, which, in turn, make you feel good and beautiful and confident enough to walk up to that fellow you’ve been eying and spit your best game.

Thongs are thin strips of material that ride uncomfortably high, making them nearly impossible to ignore as you go about your business all night. Jiggling.

Spanx require a full-body workout to get on and off. And when you finally do roll (yes, roll) those suckers down your legs (which is impossible to do while still maintaining some semblance of sex appeal), you’re left with deep red lines across your stomach. Hotness.

Thongs only require a slight tug (with teeth) to remove. They also happen to be easy to stuff back into your purse for the long Stride of Pride home. Jiggling.

You can see the dilemma. There’s really no true winner. It looks like the only option might be the old “I’ll meet you outside in a minute”/run into the bar bathroom and break a sweat taking off those Spanx and go commando before he has a chance to look up your skirt maneuver.

Sigh. It’s not easy being a girl.



  1. Amy says:

    I can completely relate to this dilemma. It depends for me on the occassion–dates=thong, somewhere I'll be photographed=Spanx. But I agree, the quick duck to the bathroom is so annoying! haha

  2. b says:

    .Jiggling. Priceless :)

  3. Carla says:

    Wear the Spanx. I've even talked about this issue with my boyfriend. In his view, women overestimate the degree to which men like thongs and they also overestimate the degree to which they don't like Spanx. He says most guys don't find Spanx a turn-off and some guys find it a sort of turn-on. He does. He says he likes how they're form-fitting tight and make my derriere look terrific. He also likes how I dress really well when I have them on. I look like crap in a thong and am afraid to wear anything clingy in one. So don't assume that guys would prefer the thong. You may end up with a guy like mine (and some of his friends) who are more turned on by a girl with a smooth, firm look in a nice skirt or dress than by some girl jiggling all over the place as actual women do when they wear something like the picture on the right.

  4. Madison says:

    It's Herbal Essence, not Herbel Essense. Spelling matters! Grammar matters!

  5. E. says:

    Gah, those things are bizarre. A guy attracted to you when you're wearing Spanx will probably be attracted to you without them too, and he'll have a much easier time getting just about anything else off of you.

    I'll agree with Carla on one point, though – don't overestimate how much men like thongs. Lacy is nice, but personally, I'm more fond of more normal-looking underwear.

  6. Allie at Spanx says:

    You can always wear a sexy, shapewear thong-

    Fashionable and functional, it's lingerie-inspired shapewear.

  7. Cecilia says:

    Ahh,the eternal Bridget Jones situation. I think it always depends.My boy would like the Spandx,but,like I said,it depends.

  8. bella says:

    Spanx all the way. just make sure u aren't wearing it if u think ur gonna get some.

    But u can still look hot and sexy if u wear the dress spanx (in black)

  9. Carla says:

    Cecilia, love it about Bridget Jones. Yes, my boyfriend and I had a situation very much like that when we first got together. Listen, girls, it's not true of all men by any means, but there are a lot more men out there than anyone realizes who actually find Spanx sexy. It is one of the two reasons I wear them practically all the time (the other reason is that they make me look great).

  10. Casey says:

    What happens when you make that mad dash and come back not looking as hot as you did before you took it off? The way I see it (granted I'm not a guy) is that spanx are a lie. They make you look better than you actually do and trap a guy who thinks he's getting a girl with a hot tight body, only to get you home (or out of the bar) and wonder if they just had beer goggles or if you were always that jiggly.

    No, it's best to embrace your body (and jiggle) and not have to endure any awkward, "uuuuh, did you just instantly gain ten pounds?" glances or questions.

    Besides, a lot of guys like that extra jiggle. And you'd rather have a guy like you for you, then like you for a lie.

  11. Carla says:

    The response of guys to discovering that you're not as svelte as Spanx makes you is kind of comparable to their response when you take your heels off (what! you're not really that tall!) or wash your lipstick and mascara off (what! your lips are not that color! your eyes don't actually have that shadow enhancement!). Adornment is adornment. I don't consider it a lie. A performance perhaps, but not a lie. I am not ashamed of my body and I am not ashamed of my jiggles, but I personally believe that they don't improve the look of some of my clothes. It's an aesthetic judgement and it is purely personal. I don't find Spanx uncomfortable or awkward.

  12. Casey says:

    A guy can definitely see your heels, and your lipstick, and your eye shadow, without having to remove anything. They aren't dumb, they know our feet don't naturally have spikes attached to the bottoms, and our lips aren't naturally blood red, and our eye lids aren't naturally smokey black. Those things are all out in the open for everyone to see. Spanx on the other hand are hidden under your clothes, and until you remove your clothes no one knows it's there but you, that's what makes them a lie.

    I don't have a problem with them, just pointing out that they're a lie, and it would suck to be the guy that you scam with them.

  13. G says:

    I guess its like finding out a guy stuffed a sock down his pants. It's just misleading. I say wear spanx when you just want to look great but not really looking to hook up.

  14. Casey says:

    Ha ha G, exactly! Spanx are a definite if you want to look better, but I agree, not when you're looking to hook up.

  15. Sarah says:

    Or you could just work out and NOT jiggle.

  16. Casey says:

    Sarah, yeah, I thought that was a given, so I didn't even mention it.

  17. Laura says:

    Face it, if the guy doesn't like a little jiggle, not only is he a rarity, but he's not somebody you're gonna enjoy hooking up with, anyway.

  18. […] feet and watched a show about entrepreneurs who made their dreams come true on which Sara Blakely, the inventor of Spanx, was […]

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