Tis Better To Give Than To Receive…Especially These Gifts
Oh, how I love Christmas morning.
There’s nothing quite like waking up to the smell of slow-roasting, honey-baked ham and my dad’s own personal off-key rendition of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” But, let’s be honest, as much as I love food/my family/blah blah blah, I (like most of you reading this) like getting presents the most. But, if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn in my 23 yrs. as an expert-present-opener, it’s that some presents (or maybe, some people?) just SUCK, plain and simple.
Believe me, as a poor college girl, there’s almost nothing I won’t take (or take and then pawn), but there are some presents that even I wouldn’t appreciate hiding out under my (fake) Christmas tree.
1. Smooth Away pads. From the boyf. Equally as awful: A gift card for (facial) laser hair removal. From anyone.
2. A Weight Watchers membership. Self explanatory.
3. A pap smear. Remember, CBS cares.
4. Self-help books: Namely, “Why Men Love Bitches,” or “He’s Just Not That Into You”… from the long-term boyfriend.
5. A gift card to Match.com. Because I wasn’t depressed enough about being single during the holidays. Or for the past 4 years.
6. Over-the-counter sleeping pills. This sends a message loud and clear. And that message is: everybody needs their beauty sleep…especially you.
7. Paris Hilton’s Pefume. Any of the 7 she’s come out with. Eu de Toilette has that name for a reason.
8. Proactiv. Thanks for informing me that the 11 minutes I spend every morning with the cover-up is time wasted.
9. Re-gifts. Uh, thanks bro, but I gave you this Saved By The Bell box set last year. See? The card I gave you is still attached.
10. Spanx. Butt pads. A water bra. You get the idea…
You ever get a bad gift? What was it?