See ya later, Alexa Chung!

Who’s Miley smooching?!

Kim and Khloe talk boyfriends.

Maybe it’s better being single during the holidays.

Those Real Housewives are some greedy bitches.

Why did Angelina leave the Jersey Shore?

Bah, humbug!

I know I should be listening to holiday tunes (which are only bearable if they’re sung by Lady Gaga) or baking cookies or something, but all I can think about right now is finals. It’s like being the one sober girl at the party: everyone around me is drunk on holiday cheer, but I’m going to be feeling pretty Scroogey until December 21 when I take my last exam and go home.

Sure, things could be worse. I could be as strung-out as Lindsay Lohan or as mentally anguished as this girl. I could be dealing with work crises in the real world—shudder—or forced to talk about sex with my parents. I could be the victim of sabotaged condoms, which might lead to something so scary I don’t even want to think about it.

Hm… actually, all of this worst-case scenario stuff is making me perk up. I’m starting to remember that there are plenty of fun ways to give my brain a rest whenever I have time to stop studying—I can start watching Jersey Shore, for one thing, and surfing the web to find gifts for everyone on my list. Maybe I shouldn’t let finals kill my holiday spirit after all.

Sometimes, commercials can be just as great as the TV shows they interrupt. I find this low-budget masterpiece, which advertises Brooklyn’s Grand Prospect Hall (“We make your dreams come true!”), almost as entertaining as an eight-hour marathon of “Top Model” on VH1.

But today I discovered what might be my new favorite commercial: this 90-second ad for a new jar opener called—wait for it—the Handjob.

It’s hard to decide which moment I love the most: the weird, ‘80s-esque strobe flashing at the beginning? The way the wife waits a beat, then perkily says, “Okay!” when her hubby asks for a hand job? The part where the guy with the yard equipment screams, “Faaaaaa!” until the camera cuts away? The not-so-subtle shot of an old lady getting sprayed in the face with liquid? It’s all gold.

Where are all the guys?!

We were all sitting around eating Christmas cookies and gossiping at our last girls’ night before the craziness of finals began. As tends to happen at any girl session, the topic quickly turned to boys. Or on this particular night, it was the lack of available boys that seemed to dominate the discussion.

One of my friends was seriously fed up with the selection of college guys. “Seriously, there are zero boys that any of us would actually date here!” she griped while French braiding my roommate’s hair. (I know – it was pretty 7th grade up in there.)  “I’m asking for a cat for Christmas!”

While her complaints about the lack of datable boys might be a bit dramatic (there’s no need to bring cats into the picture yet!), I realized she was completely right. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time any of my friends met a single boy they actually liked.

With more girls than boys entering college these days, the national girl to boy ratio for college students is 60:40. And that’s boys total, including the ones with girlfriends, the creepsters, the d-bags and the weird ones who always smell like mildew.  If we’re just counting the eligible dudes, I’d say there’s only about 5. The numbers are totally stacked against us, making meeting a potential boyfriend damn near impossible.  Read More »

Between the health care debate, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the persistence of the recession, Congress has a lot on its plate right now. Which is why it totally makes sense that a House subcommittee spent time this Wednesday approving important legislation aimed at making college football teams switch to a playoff system.

Whaa?

The Associated Press reports that the new law “would ban the promotion of a postseason NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision game as a national championship unless it results from a playoff.” Maybe I’m not the most qualified person to be writing about this, since I’ve read that sentence ten times and I still have no idea what it means. Even though I’m from Pittsburgh, a city that proudly calls itself “a drinking town with a football problem,” I have been to exactly one professional and one college football game in my life. I didn’t know until a few minutes ago that the “BCS” was a thing, or that Congress had any say in how college football works.

But I know one thing: Georgia Representative John Barrow, who cast a dissenting vote only after saying, “With all due respect, I really think we have more important things to spend our time on,” is totally right. Even the head of whatever the BCS is, Bill Hancock, thinks that Congress “has more important issues than spending taxpayer money to dictate how college football is played.” Read More »

Brrrr.

I don’t know where you were today, but in the Midwest one thing became very clear: winter is here. Yeah, seeing my breath in my apartment was a pretty good reminder that I need to stock up on gloves and scarves – uh – yesterday. Seriously, after walking outside for 10 minutes, I’m surprised my fingers are still able to type right now. Or that they’re even still attached.

After running home and taking a long, hot shower (sorry, Al Gore) I piled on the sweats and sat down to scout out the best, warmest and, of course, stylin’ winter accessories.

Winter accessories are the best way play with color during the cold months (when your jacket is black, your boots are black, and the snow is black), not to mention an affordable way to switch up your style mid-winter. Because let’s face it: by February you will be VERY sick of wearing that same puffy jacket and boots to class. Throw on a new hat, scarf and gloves and it will spruce up your look and your mood!

Whether you have a black, brown or red coat, here are some great options to keep you toasty this winter. Read More »

OK, so maybe this isn’t weird. Maybe I’m the weird one whose nipples don’t get really cold when I’m poring over a paper or un-tagging myself in Facebook pictures. Maybe a USB powered breast warmer is actually the smartest invention since the Perfect Brownie Pan and worthy of some sort of Nobel Prize.

Maybe?

Or maybe this is just really effing weird.
Especially if you bust it out at Starbucks.

Almost as good as latkes. Mmmmm.

Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Hanukkah! (Chanukkah? Hhannuukkka? I’ve heard there might be a silent “j” in there somewhere…)

Everyone’s favorite Maccabee-inspired, latke-flavored, menorah-lit, better-than-Christmas—yeah, I said it—holiday starts tonight at sundown. And even though I’m hoping to get a few specific gifts this year, there’s only one thing I really want to find wrapped in a giant box on Day Eight: a nice, Jewish boy. I don’t think it’s too much to ask; I go to school in New York City, for Moses’s sake.

But I’m not the only one who should be angling for some Semitic lovin’ this holiday season. Dating Jewish boys is the best, and everyone should do it. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked:

-  They’re funny. If you need proof, Wikipedia has 228 pages in its “Jewish comedians” category. Sure, a lot of them—Woody Allen, Al Franken, Howard Stern—aren’t exactly dreamboats. But Seth Rogen, Michael Showalter, Jon Stewart (real name: Jon Stuart Leibowitz), and plenty of other dudes are the whole package: Jewish, funny, and cute.

- Even if your Jewish guy doesn’t have a quick wit, he might have a Jew fro, which is probably hilarious enough to compensate.

-  Jewish dudes have so many neuroses that your quirks will seem tame and adorable by comparison. Read More »

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ahhhh!!!  Finals!

Everything comes down to this! Your grade, your GPA, your good standing with the parental units (who “aren’t paying for you to party all the time, you know!”). You’ve got tests and papers and presentations and it’s all coming at you so fast and you barely opened the book all semester and there was that 2 week span where you couldn’t stop watching Gilmore Girls on DVD and skipped, like, 12 lectures and now you have to make it all up and pass all the tests and OMFG.

How are you ever going to survive?!

These feelings of stress and near-mental breakdown come every year, with every finals week. The combination of stress, seasonal depression and gallons of caffeine wears down even the most seasoned student until she’s hunched over that 7lb textbook at 4am on a Tuesday crying into her Venti Americano. But once the fear subsides a bit (and she’s wiped that snot from her upper lip), she gets into her groove, remembers her fool-proof study strategies and plows through those notes like drunken frat boy through a wall.

If you’re feeling the finals stress (who isn’t?!) and need a little advice on how to make it through, read on. This week the CollegeCandy writers share their secrets for finals survival. One of these is bound to get you one step closer to that 4.0. And if not, well, at least give us an “A” for effort. Read More »

Chris Brown is so over the Rihanna thing, OK?

Kim Zolciak still thinks she can sing.

So, Tiger Woods used escorts?

Students still freaking out about the job hunt.

P Diddy was an elementary school pimp.

Time to rock winter’s hottest trends.