Nothing says holiday spirit like talking about Lady GaGa’s “Christmas tree,” which, FYI, is delicious.

Leave it to Lady to take the phrase “Ho, ho, ho” literally. I’ve never heard so many Christmas-themed sexual innuendos in one place as I have in her new holiday song featuring Space Cowboy. In fact, I didn’t even realize so many existed. I’ll never be able to look at a Christmas Tree the same again. Not that I’m surprised; I’m just impressed GaGa beat Britney and Lil Jon to it.

Thanks to this new jam, I’ll never be able to kiss under the misteltoe again without picturing Lady Gaga stripping off her unitard and showing off her tree in honor of the birth of the baby Jesus. Oh, the thought alone just gives me the shivers.

(Note: I realize there is nothing to see in this video. And you should be glad. After the hot mess that was Bad Romance, lord only knows what The Gags would do for this one…)

вопрос? Pregunta? 问题? Question?! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and Aunt Tuffy will do her best to answer that shiz!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I am currently in a long-distance relationship for 7 months. We dated for nearly 2 months before we flew home to our separate cities, and are keeping our relationship steady by phone calls, IMs and emails.

However, something has been bugging me a lot. I met my current BF on study abroad, and before we got together I was cheating on my then-BF with another guy. I made excuses to justify my cheating on my ex with this guy: he made me feel attractive in ways my ex never did, the excitement and rush of doing something wrong, and loneliness of being away from home. After all, he did pursue me aggressively, but I eventually broke down. I did not initiate the affair. Soon enough, I realized what I did, and was utterly disgusted with myself.

At that point, my current BF and I were starting to become more than just good friends. He’s different from the any guy I’ve met before because he is genuine about having a relationship and he took things really slowly. I was starting to have real feelings for him, and began to seriously reconsider what the hell I have been doing all this time with the cheating. I called it off with the guy I was cheating with and swore to myself that never again will I go back to him. Read More »

"When a man loves a woman...."

I vividly remember the times when Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk about Sex” would come on the radio while I was being chauffeured around by my mother. I would plead to the heavens above that she would not take this opportunity to actually talk about sex with me. I dreaded the conversation that I knew was coming.

I thought Chrissy’s mom in Now and Then explained it perfectly when she said: “All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it…or a small hose… as long as it works.” That was all I needed to hear on the topic of coitus. Plus, I would probably vomit if I ever heard the phrase “blow job” leave my mother’s lips.  And fortunately for me, I never had to.

Whether she figured the sex ship had already left my harbor, or she truly and sincerely believed that I was, and am, still as pure as they day she birthed me, my mother has successfully avoided the topic of sex with me for the past 22 years. And that’s too bad, because a new study is preaching a much earlier age to have The Talk. Read More »

Yeah, not so cute when you're the sober one.

Between that giant presentation, your student group obligations and the hundred other things on your plate right now, you’ve been pushed to your limit and your body has begun to shut down. Your nose won’t stop running, your throat is sore; you want to party it up for your BFF’s birthday, but you know drinking will only make things worse. You decide to go out anyway – you’ll just make it a sober night.

The night starts off fine. You have a little pre-party at your place. While everyone is sipping on Rum and Diets, you opt for a straight up Diet. You sing a little Gaga, take a couple photos, eat a little cake. When everyone is finally ready (and the birthday girl is appropriately outfitted with her princess crown) you head out.

When you walk into the bar it’s packed. You offer to buy your friend a birthday shot and squeeze your way to the bar. A drunk girl steps on your foot. A drunk guy shoves you over as he pushes his way past you. You breathe. Heavily. You stand at the bar flagging down a bartender when some skank in a slutty dress (seriously, are those her nipples?) spills her beer on your purse.

“Jesus Christ,” you scream. She ignores you, stumbles, then leans against the d-bag with the popped collar standing next to her to regain her balance.

“That girl knocked my beer over!” He buys her another one. They start making out. You breathe.

Finally, the bartender comes your way.

“Can I get a kamikaze and a water, please?” You scream. He doesn’t hear you. You scream it louder. He grabs a martini shaker and starts mixing your drink. A group of guys next to you overhears your order. One leans over, screaming in your ear.

“Water?! You’re drinking water? This isn’t the gym.” His friend gives him a high five. You try to explain that you’re not feeling well but his Jager bomb arrives and he stops listening. The guys raise their glasses toasting to “booze and bitches,” take their shots, talk a little about their bartender’s boobs (“I’d totally hit that”) then move on.

Your drinks finally arrive. You throw money down on the bar, elbow your way through the crowd, careful not to spill the shot, and look for your friends.

When you finally find the group they’re wasted. And the birthday girl is dancing on a table… with the guys you were just talking to at the bar. You try to get her attention to give her the shot, but as you’re handing it to her one of the guys knocks it out of your hand and it drops to the floor.

You breathe.

You’re about ready to throw in the towel and head home (they wouldn’t remember anyway) when Britney comes on. Your friends all look at each other and scream.

“OMG. We have to go dance!” The girls jump up and run to the dance floor. You follow; you love this song, too. You guys carve out some space on the dance floor and start singing at the top of your lungs. You’re beginning to have a little fun when drunk people start bumping into you from all sides. They step on your foot. They knock you over. Your friend, doing her signature sexy move against some random dude, falls to the floor. Everyone starts yelling at you for not drinking, for not being any fun. The birthday girl, totally wasted, hugs you and tells you how much she loves you. How you’re her BFFAEAEAE. How this is the best birthday ever, even though her butt really hurts from the fall.

Then “Your Love” starts to play, she lets go and starts singing to the rest of the group at the top of her lungs. When she starts spanking her own butt, you decide you’ve had enough and sneak out before anyone can notice. But not before one more drunk girl can spill a drink down your back.

Awesome.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. There is nothing worse than being the only sober one.

Stop going after the Jews, Lilo!

Hookin’ up is dangerous!

Tila Tequila vs. Rihanna? Are you kidding?

7 body parts dudes love just the way they are.

Miley Cyrus moves up in the world.

Ooo lala! Patterned tights!

Holy hell.
What. An. Episode!
I laughed (while Dan was forced to watch porn… that was a lot of moaning), I cried (Sigh. Chuck.) and I got very, very angry. Gah! They fit so much into that teeny, little hour and I just had to pause the show to take it all in…. and get a snack.

So here goes:

Tripp is so out, Nate is so in, and finally the world is back in order!

For those of who you who got caught up in the Tripp/Serena drama of last week and were still somehow pulling for this pathetic pushover, let me remind you of all the things he has done wrong since being introduced on Gossip Girl: He had an affair, he lied to Serena and left her in a house with no cable (but some really old pot), he agreed to an “open relationship” with his wife, he abandoned Serena in the midst of a car wreck and could have killed her by moving her, and he lets his psychotic bitch of a wife control him. Oh and did I mention the creepy factor that he’s dating 19-year-old? I mean, even though he’s a pretty hot congressman, that’s still pretty gross.

And the guy is just pathetic. He wants to give up his entire career for a teen socialite? Yeah, she’s got great hair but is that worth giving up your career?  Then he let’s his wife call all the shots, do crazy and illegal things and stands by her as she manipulates the entire UES for her own sick dream of being a politician’s wife (she’s certainly got the wardrobe down pat…). God, I thought Blair was evil, but this Maureen woman makes her look like Mother Theresa. Read More »

Now that’s a collaboration I need to hear.

Finally, a cure for painful heels?

Don’t waste your money on these moisturizers.

Assault with a deadly….hamburger?

Mark Salling may hate his mohawk, but we dig it.

Lindsay Lohan’s Muse photo spread looks about right…

Every year I find myself entering December with the same longing in the pit of my stomach. I see couples holding hands and sharing hot chocolate. All the stores are decked out in twinkling lights and ornaments. Every car that passes has a Christmas tree strapped to the top. And while I want to be home with friends and family, drinking fun holiday drinks and decorating the Christmas tree, I’m stuck in my 4 by 4 cell studying crap I could really care less about.

And with my luck, I always end up with a final on the very last possible day, which has me rushing home on the 23rd and trying to cram all of my holiday activities into 48 hours.

It just isn’t right.

But just because I’m holed up in my dorm studying during the most wonderful time of the year, it doesn’t mean that I (or anyone suffering like me) can’t enjoy a little holiday cheer. Since most of us won’t be seeing much of the world outside of the library over the next few weeks, here are some ways to bring the holidays to us:

Decorate.
Yes you live in a tiny box and chances are your school has 8 million rules about what you can’t bring in to the dorms. But there are still ways to deck out your room for the holidays. The best $15 I have ever spent was on a mini Christmas tree from WalMart. You can also get them at Target and Borders. They come in a variety of colors (of course I bought it in hot pink) and come with the most adorable mini ornaments and tinsel to decorate. If a tree isn’t a thing, why not relive your glory (read: kindergarten) days and make a snowflake chain? It’s super cute and festive, and a fun way to take a break from the studying and recharge that noggin. Read More »

Like most weekends, I spent my Saturday afternoon curled under a blanket in front of my TV. But unlike most weekends, I spent my Sunday buying a 3-pack of pregnancy tests, running home, chugging a bottle of water, and taking every last one.

How could a day of TV lead to pregnancy, you ask?
It can’t. I mean, I guess it could if someone else was under that blanket with me…and we were watching porn, but I was alone.

And I was watching TLC’s, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

This show is not new, but it was my first time watching. And unfortunately for me, there were quite a few episodes on back to back. And I was too lazy/scared stiff to change the channel.

The premise of the show is simple (and pretty obvious from the title): real women who did not know they were pregnant have babies. Sometimes in toilets.

While the dramatizations are hilarious (seriously, where do they find these actors?), the actual events are not. Nor is the fact that there are enough women in the world dealing with this to turn it into an actual series. And did I mention that one woman pulled down her leggings to find a baby hanging out in there?

OMG it’s terrifying. Read More »

"How many more hours until I'm chugging eggnog with the fam?"

Finals week is probably the most daunting few days of your college career. Winter break is so close you can almost taste the gingerbread cookies in your mouth. But first you have to survive your Calculus exam. Four exams, three term papers and a presentation may seem like the impossible dream. But I promise, where there is a will (to get home and gorge yourself on home cooking and holiday cookies) there is a way.

Do use your time management skills to help lessen the stress of your workload. Plan out your days using your friendly school-provided calendar – yes, the one that I’m sure you tossed aside long ago – to map out your plan of attack. When you realize your end goal is attainable, the path to getting their seems less dreaded.

Don’t cram your studies into a series of all-nighters at the library. You will go stir-crazy and end up mindlessly watching videos of people falling on Youtube at 4:00 a.m.  Don’t be that person. Nobody likes that person. Your GPA won’t like that person. Read More »