Better of Best of Overheard, 2009

(The last ‘Best of Overheard 2009‘ post wasn’t really the best things overheard in 2009. Come on! You really thought those were any good? No, these right here. These. These are the best of the best of 2009. If you think yours are better, send them in or leave them in the comments!)

(Two guys and a girl, leaving a movie theater.)

Guy: You gotta stay here, it’s dicks only.

Girl: Fine. I didn’t want to come anyway.

(Two girls, leaving an early biology class.)

Girl:  I sometimes think about how comfortable a womb would be, and then I think – hey. You don’t breathe. And that terrifies me. Even though it would be fun, you know, bouncing around.

(Student, explaining something in a study session.)

Girl: You see, to be happy, we are constantly secreting.

(Girls, watching the news in the lounge.)

Girl 1:  I bet Obama and Michelle totally did it after the stimulus vote.

Girl 2: Yeah, he was probably all, ’stimulate this!’

(Girl and guy in a restaurant.)

Girl: I don’t want a boyfriend. Boyfriends are like avocados.

Guy: Why?

Girl: Not in season. Small, wrinkly and green.

(Two guys on a bench.)

Guy 1: You can’t just push people over because they’re poor!

Guy 2: Why not? I think that’s a great reason!

(Two guys, riding the shuttle bus.)

Guy 1: Hey, excuse me.

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: Our butts just touched. Sorry about that.

(Girl, furious.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Guy, running up to a girl.)

Guy: Hey, yo! Yo, are you the girl I saw dancing in the parking lot yesterday?

(Two kids, eating cherries outside a convenience store.)

Kid 1: Hey, I bet I can hit that guy with a pit.

Kid 2: Do it!

Guy: *stops* Excuse me?

Kid 1: No, the other guy. You know. Invisible guy.

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

(Girls, watching a performance in a public park.)

Girl 1: So, you know what’s way better than all of us having sex together?

Girl 2: Playing with our fake puppies.

Girl 1: Yup.

(Girls, introducing themselves in class.)

Girl 1: I’m Brenna.

Girl 2: Hi! I’m Margaret, but you can call me Murphy.

Girl 1: Huh. How’d you get that nickname?

Girl 2: When I was born, my dad said it was Murphy’s Law.

(Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.)

Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.

Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?

Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)

Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!

(Girl, serving herself food, looking quizzically at the pasta.)

Girl: Who stole the insides of these?