Ask A Dude: Am I Too Smart for Guys?

January 6, 2010     Posted in Advice, Relationships


By The Dude

Dear Dude,

Honestly, are guys truly intimidated by smart girls?  I’m an “A” student with glasses. Yet, while I’m stuck by myself mulling over the tenets of existentialism, the ditzy girls are getting the fellows’ attention.  I’m confused.  I thought that you guys didn’t want girls to play dumb.  I’m never mean, and I while I participate in class, I do shut up.  So, what’s up with this?  Are the glasses some sort of turnoff?

Sincerely,
Ol’ Four Eyes

Dear Ol’ Four Eyes

Ok, to be brutally honest….yes, guys are intimidated by smart girls. Yes, we tend to prefer bimbos who give very little resistance to our warped perception that we are the most perfect beings on earth. But you know what? Men can be morons. Every single man that passes you up (an intelligent girl with substance) will regret it one day. The majority of my friends still playing the “dumb and done” game with women are miserable (dealing with the high-maintenance, mood swing, boring-dinner-table-convo side effects that come with their choices).

To be viciously honest, men like it easy. We wish that we could live our lives without ever having to do laundry (and sometimes we get pretty darn close to this goal), ever having to battle through various levels of a video game (I still swear I’m just having one, endlessly bad round), and without ever having to work to get laid. The easier a woman is to have around (and the less we have to grow up, man up and work hard to be in her presence), the better. But guess what? A lucky few men will grow out of this phase (and an even luckier few will never be a part of it). There are some men out there (the ones who are actually worth your time), who will find your glasses sexy, who will listen to what you have to say, and better yet…will love that you’re smarter than them.

This is the guy you want to find. This is the guy who will become a better man by being around you (as a direct result of your proximity, intelligence love… not by a hidden agenda of trying to change someone). Don’t waste your time worrying about if the mass population of men deem you sexy. Just be yourself, loosen up around your peers (and in class), and share that sexy smart wealth with everyone. But do us a favor? Leave us that small amount of wiggle room to still believe that we’re as smart as you (even if we’re not), and don’t completely crush our fragile egos with a verbal beat down on any given subject. And most of all? Remember to shut up less, speak up (and enjoy yourself) more… and everything else will follow.

The Dude of Dudes

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn't include asking him out; homeboy is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won't sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He'll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]

13 Comments on "Ask A Dude: Am I Too Smart for Guys?"

  1. criolle johnny says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20104:36 pm 

    Dude, I think I see your strategy. If you tell enough women what they want to hear, one of them will eventually deign to have sex with you.

    Lemme know how that works for you.

  2. criolle johnny says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20104:46 pm 

    Oh, 4 eyed girl … If a guy wants a woman to "play dumb", HE'S dumb! What in the hell do YOU want with such an oaf?

    If he doesn't want "who you are", you'll never be happy with him, and .. BIG "A-N-D", you'll never be happy with him for the same reasons.

    Love has nothing to do with your brain, sex might (OK, sex DOES), but love, no way. You can fall in love and your brain gets a memo weeks or months later, 'cus you're in a daze. Trying to think your way through it is a waste of time and 'sides … the daze if fun.

  3. sally says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20106:49 pm 

    I am so unbelievably frustrated by men it's ridiculous. So first I was told that I need let the guy chase after me and play hard to get because guys LOVE the chase and hate crazy bitches that will do anything for them. Now I'm being told that guys like bimbos and I should fall at their feet–otherwise I'll have to search far and wide for a guy that actually likes me. I say fuck them–I'm so sick of this bullshit. Let's face it all guys do is treat us like shit whether we're smart, dumb or in somewhere between. End of story.

  4. Riko says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20107:35 pm 

    This post was VERY vague. Now that I'm in college i assume that most of the girls around me are very intelligent. Plenty of intelligent, charming, attractive girls around here have boyfriends. So perhaps there are other aspects of yourself that are not being shared. Are you a grating person? Because I've found that some intelligent people are so annoying that it's almost impossible to stay around them.

  5. BG says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20108:32 pm 

    i agree with sally. i hate rules. things just need to BE. people need to calm down. stop playing the ego card – just do what's RIGHT. maybe then, our world will be less crazy.

  6. Casey says:
    Wed, 6th Jan 20109:00 pm 

    Aww, Sally. It's ok. Here's the best advice I can give you for that situation, forget all the crap you've been told about finding a guy. In fact, stop looking for a guy! The best way to get a great guy that is totally into you is to just stop looking and start living.

    Think about it, if you're out doing your thing, having fun, doing stuff you enjoy, and just enjoying yourself and your life without worrying about, or looking for, guys it makes you stand out. You're the care free, fun loving, happy girl who could care less if a guy approaches you because you don't need a guy to feel complete or to have a good time. THAT is the chase, THAT is playing "hard to get". And THAT is what attracts all the guys. When you're the only one in the room not giving them attention that makes them want to get to know you.

    And when you're doing activities that YOU enjoy, you're a lot more likely to find a guy you mesh well with who shares your interests.

    So don't search for a guy, let THE guy find you.

  7. Tim says:
    Thu, 7th Jan 20101:45 pm 

    Sally,

    I think it is important to note that there is also a middle ground between the two extremes. Obviously it isn't exactly attractive to constantly receive text messages about things, or constantly receive phone calls, or emails, or anything else for that matter. It also isn't wise to be so distant and "hard to get" that people move on because it isn't worth the trouble. So, let me suggest this, how do you deal with friends who you have a quality relationship with? Do you harass them? Probably not. What you probably have is a happy middle ground. That is what you should strive to achieve.

    By the way, guys treat girls like shit because girls allow it. If girls didn't allow it, and if it didn't "work" then eventually they'd stop doing it.

  8. Another guy says:
    Fri, 22nd Jan 20104:35 pm 

    Someone sent me this link for a laugh…not true at all. Don't listen to this dude. Smart girls are awesome.

  9. TM says:
    Sun, 28th Mar 20105:14 am 

    The only issue is that I want a man who is equally or more intelligent than I am.

    I get freaking bored and frustrated with people who just can't grasp what you're saying. Even if it is in plain English.

    What makes it harder is that those people are 98% of the population.

    It is so hard to find an intelligent, amusing, and reasonably attractive guy that also appreciates the same qualities in a partner and actually values relationships.

    It's hard because they're aren't many in existence and because most of those are taken.

    So where do I meet the man of my dreams?

  10. TM says:
    Sun, 28th Mar 20105:24 am 

    Ohh, I just read her part of the letter.

    Fact is , there aren't many other human beings on the same level.

    Unfortunate but true.

    It's not her, it's nobody.

    Those dudes are so rare , as are intelligent women.

    Although there is one thing I don't get.

    I'm (according to others) very very physically attractive, have a great smile, figure and hair. I'm intelligent, and I'm perfectly reasonable and chilled. Absolutely no jealousy or irrational BS in relationships. Never give my partner a hard time about anything. I encourage them to have their own life.

    And I am kind . Too kind I think . But I've gotten to the point where nothing is more important in my life than my personal integrity so any guy I have an actual reason to be jealous around is not worth pursuing.

    I don't have to nag my partners because if I felt I had to nag them I'd just move on to someone I actually like .

    Apparently I'm an amazing kisser and according to all of my ex boyfriends , I am the perfect gf.

    YET THEY ALL DUMPED ME!

    What is the freaking deal here?

    Ok the second one straight up told me he didn't like me having my own opinion even if I was technically right. Those were his actual words so I know what went wrong there but the rest?

    I don't get it.

    They choose to stay with girls who do all the things they don't like and that I always did right but I'm not worth wasting the time on?

    I think I am simply cursed.

    That's the only possible answer.

    Sooo confused.

  11. bridesilla says:
    Sat, 21st Aug 20109:06 am 

    there is nothing wrong with being smart guys are just threatened by women who have their own minds

  12. Ana says:
    Fri, 8th Apr 20113:59 pm 

    Don't feel bad. I have a friend who is a heart surgeon, and is also a former model. She is not only smart as hell, she is beautiful as hell too. She put her profile on a dating site and 99% of men rejected her. But some guys (the 1%) did like her and those 1% happen to be handsome, successful, and rich. So who knows. You just have to get rejected A LOT before you find the right one. And all you need is one, so who cares if a hundred guys reject you, you just need one :)

  13. Jan says:
    Tue, 12th Apr 201112:08 am 

    I have had this problem in the past. But I did talk to it with a few of my guy friends that I trust, and they explained something to me….

    Guys (girls too, for that matter), do not want to feel that they are lesser than someone. Sometimes you being smart is enough to scare them off because it makes them feel less intelligent by contrast. Even worse, some intelligent women act stuck up or "better" than others without realizing it. No one wants to feel like their partner thinks that they are better than them. I am not implying that you are doing this, however, but it is food for thought. But some men can be intimidated by smart women. Next time you talk to this guy (or guys), ask lots of questions and show interest in something he cares about. That way, he feels that you see him on the same level as you.

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