Why Am I Still Single?

January 9, 2010     Posted in Relationships

Help me, Steve!

I’m addicted to reality dating shows.  I’ve watched them all and thoroughly enjoy watching fake, trashy, scripted romances bloom.  I mean, if rapping about endangered animals doesn’t prove your love, I don’t know what does.


By Megan

So when Tough Love premiered last year, I was expecting the same scripted crap.  I thought it would be humorous, something I could watch for hours on a hungover Saturday, but not anything that average girls could relate to.  But even though the girls were all above-average in looks, I was thoroughly impressed with VH1’s latest bold new show. Tough Love was finally a show that NORMAL and REAL girls could relate to! Shocking, I know. Each week, my roommates and I tuned in to watch Sexy Steve and listen to his advice for these single ladies.  To say I was addicted to this show was an understatement; I literally dreamed of having Steve (come to my house naked and) tell me why I was still single.  So when they announced a second season I excitedly hopped online and downloaded the application in record speed.

The first question was simple: “Why do you think you are still single?” Easy enough, right? Wrong. I didn’t fit any of the molds: I’m not too old (at least I hope), I’m not a gold digger, I’m not addicted to my career. Even my friends couldn’t help me come up with an answer. The only solid answer I could come up with was, “The boys I crush on don’t like me, and vice versa.” 

I was crushed. And not only because I knew I would never actually meet Steve. It was just really hard to look inward and not be able to identify a facet of my personality or myself in general that was preventing me from finding love. How can I know what to work on if I have no idea what I’m doing wrong? And if I can’t work on anything, how will my current single status ever change?

I’ve heard the saying that true love comes when you are not expecting it, but after spending three and a half single years in college not expecting anything but a few drunk boys inviting me back to their smelly rooms, I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong.  I feel like I’ve put in my time and experienced every guy out there: the creeper, the  I’m-just-not-that-into-you, the can-you-smell-my-desperation, and so on.  And now, with more and more of my single friends pairing off I’m left here alone, staring at an application for a VH1 reality show wondering why I’m still single and ready to mingle.

What am I doing wrong?

P.S. Steve, if you’re out there, please sign me up for your boot camp.  I’ll pay.

30 Comments on "Why Am I Still Single?"

  1. bl1y says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 20108:13 am 

    What are you currently doing to meet guys? Where do you go, and what's your MO when you're there?

  2. westcoastdreamer says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 20108:28 am 

    gosh i ask myself this question so many times it's frightening! i've finally come to the conclusion (after years of terrible insecurity) that i actually am good-looking, so what does that leave me with? my personality??

  3. Mary says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 20108:49 am 

    Wow i feel like i could've written this!! Let me know when you find the answer ok :) ?

  4. tasha says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 201010:37 am 

    I LOVE the Tough Love show.

  5. seetruth says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 201011:30 am 

    I have a lot of friends who say the same thing. Their problem is actually not recognizing when a guy is trying to approach them, or simply not appearing approachable. Maybe you're one of the nice pretty girls who are so used to guys approaching them to ask about their friends that they are blind to the men who want their numbers. OR you're like my friends who are nice on the inside but look mean as hell on the outside and guys are afraid of how you will turn them down.

    My problem is guys assume I already have a boyfriend, so they just don't bother approaching me. Anyone have advice for that?

  6. s says:
    Sat, 9th Jan 201011:34 am 

    i enjoy watching that show, but he pisses me off. I get what he's doing, but he waters down these girls personalities. i just feel kinda like there is someone for everyone and you don't have change how loud you laugh or the cut of your shirt to find someone that loves you back. i suppose some girls want that, but i personally feel like if a guy doesn't like my style or something about my personality (assuming its not something hurtful or mean) then he's not MY type. my boyfriend thinks a lot of his stuff is total bs , and i've heard other guys say thats not what they think at all

  7. dazey says:
    Sun, 10th Jan 20106:44 am 

    I have the same thing as you. It is hard to accept but it could be that you are really scared of a loving relationship and exposing your true emotions to someone so instead what you do is hide away from decent guys and go for the jerks for a one night stand or crush on guys you just know you can love from afar without getting hurt in a relationship.

    If you truly examine yourself and the feelings you have surrounding the guys you go for and the ones that you crush on then all will be revealed …and I know it is seriously hard to do this!

  8. sarah says:
    Sun, 10th Jan 20108:32 am 

    I ask myself this question multiple days, I think im pretty attractive, but I am really tall, which makes me self conscious, but other then that I think that I outgoing and funny. and i still don't have a boyfriend, I see all these other girls with guys all the time. & most of the time the girls are fat and big bitches.

    I don't want to sound like I have a big ego and think I am the best ever, but I feel like I am doing everything right, but I still don't have a boyfriend. Its only my second semester at the new school I am at, so I figure that might be my problem. Maybe I need to just get out more.

  9. Sarah says:
    Sun, 10th Jan 201010:31 am 

    To my namesake above, I'm tall too and I don't think that's a problem. A lot of guys don't care if you're tall unless they have a massive Napoleon complex, and then, who needs them?

    Any guy who insults you because of your height is obviously jealous :P

    And btw, fat girls are allowed to be loved too. Just thought I'd mention that.

  10. kristen says:
    Mon, 11th Jan 201012:33 pm 

    i am in the same boat… obsessed with the tough love shows, and wishing i could buy my way in too… let me know, also i might have to go buy his book…

  11. A.C. says:
    Tue, 12th Jan 20101:37 pm 

    I could have written this article. I sat down and watched both seasons of Tough Love, learned a lot and am hoping I figure out what I can do to be more open to dating and *crosses fingers* love. Not change myself, but learn to love who I am inside so others will too.

  12. morgan says:
    Wed, 13th Jan 20104:29 pm 

    i actually started to ask myself this question when my guy friends started asking me this question and then i was like um…idk. i thought/think that my problem is that i'm to picky, i need a guy that can fight with me, not pressure me, be ok with me being my own person and just trust me. i guess it sounds like a lot to ask for in college. but maybe i just need to start looking more intently.

  13. Brittany says:
    Wed, 13th Jan 20109:35 pm 

    I often ask myself the same question. I go through the ups and downs. From the “well it doesn’t matter cause guys are stupid and I don’t need them” to the “omg what’s wrong with me!” My family is even starting to show concern for my lack of relationships. I am as addicted to romantic comedies as you are to sitcoms and I also have yet to find an answer. Maybe the guys today just aren’t like they used to be. Maybe they aren’t as invested in finding love as they are lust. Times are a changing and maybe were just stuck in the past?

  14. Lauren says:
    Thu, 14th Jan 20108:00 am 

    I ask myself the same thing :( I wondered to a point where I actually interviewed 50+ guys and asked them girl questions, and then made a blog on it.

    Basically, there's no secret laying underneath the surface.

    I asked some of my guy friends, they said it's because I have an air of confidence, and that I'm super intimidating at first. After they get to know me, I fall into being one of the boys.

    And Morgan, I totally agree:)

  15. e says:
    Thu, 14th Jan 201011:36 am 

    Steve is hosting a speed dating event in Hoboken NJ in 2 weeks http://www.purplelabnyc.com/speeddating/tell_me_m…

    maybe you should try to hunt him down

  16. Jenna says:
    Thu, 14th Jan 20103:15 pm 

    This whole article is exactly how I feel. I'm twenty years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I know what Steve would label me though, the shy girl.

  17. roekev says:
    Fri, 15th Jan 201012:17 am 

    Sometimes, being a single is a choice. Perhaps it is enjoyable for some people.

  18. DateDaily says:
    Fri, 15th Jan 20109:19 am 

    Maybe it's because you're one of these 10 types of women: http://datedaily.com/dating/top-10/27-women-men-s…

  19. criolle johnny says:
    Sat, 16th Jan 20109:32 am 

    YOU . ARE . CONFUSING . REALITY – TELEVISION . WITH . REALITY !

  20. Ella says:
    Sun, 17th Jan 20104:59 pm 

    Not only do I completely relate to this story, I also often watch Tough Love and wish that Steve would (show up naked at my house and) tell me what I'm doing wrong.

    Although I am quite fond of him in jeans and a sport jacket. When he looks that good clothed…

    Anyway. So not the point. I know that I have certain issues that are most likely the source of my not-having-a-boyfriend. For instance, I know that I'm almost exactly like Jenna in a lot of ways. I have huge, glaring self-esteem issues and I tend to fall in like with a guy and just hold on to him, even though most of them just end up using me as some kind of ego booster. I know that Tough Love is just another stupid reality show, but it honestly has taught me things about myself that I wouldn't have thought about otherwise.

  21. Sesn says:
    Sat, 11th Sep 201010:58 pm 

    Stumbled upon this blog nine months later and it seems no one has really answered you honestly.

    Here's what you're doing wrong:

    You're waiting for the guy you're crushing on to approach you. Only problem is, before he can approach you, he has to read your mind (or your body language which is equally as impossible, frankly) to find out that you want him to take you to dinner.

    Here's the truth: guys rate girls on physical attraction, often out of ten. Suppose you're a 7 or 8/10. If you ask a man out on a date, you instantly go up to a 9/10. Why? Same reason guys like being on the bottom during sex: less work, same results. If you think you're only a 5 or a 6/10, have the confidence knowing that taking that first step makes you look like an 8/10.

  22. Jing Hu says:
    Thu, 31st Mar 20111:03 pm 

    I'm also on the same boat. I can also totally relate. Been single for 6 years now. I've also recently graduated from and still have not found love yet.

    So don't despair Megan you're not alone. :)
    Best of luck to you.

  23. Southern Gentlemen says:
    Sat, 14th May 20117:17 pm 

    Don’t feel left out. Guys go through this to. I’m 28, tall, and considered to be decent looking. I have a great steady job with a retirement and I am buying my own place. I am courteous to a fault and always respectful. In other words I am dependable, and stable. But I have never had a girlfriend. As far as I can tell I have no obvious character flaws and yet all the single woman in my area would rather chase the married men or the guys that are gonna cheat. Why is that? My friends say that I am too picky. Is wanting a mature, intelligent, faithful woman too picky?

  24. Holbytla715 says:
    Mon, 6th Jun 201112:25 am 

    Geez! Where are you?! I'm turning 26 in a month, and I've never had a boyfriend… I graduated from a well-respected college with honors, I teach, I travel, I am mature, intelligent, and trustworthy. No guy has ever asked me out. Why?

  25. cosmicnote says:
    Fri, 13th Jan 20125:27 pm 

    I know exactly what you’re going through. I’ve been single for 2 and a half years, and i had a brief relationship in the summer with a guy i barely knew at the time, and i was scared chicken shit to let myself get attatched and didn’t think he was good enough for me.

    My biggest issue is portraying how i feel. My closest friends know that I do have issues when it comes to relationships because of my past, and i’ve had too many guys asking me out and trying to get with me in every way – both jerks and decent guys. But i’m never satisfied, and i’m always scared. I haven’t been intimate with a guy in so long that now I feel like it’s something I can’t picture myself doing because i’m so used to being alone.

    I wish I could tell you what will help but I guess there isn’t any right answer. But it is important to be open to new things and new experiences, and put yourself in other people’s positions. What impression do you give to others? I’m the type of person that doesn’t care what others think of me, but I’ve realized that I at least need to be welcoming enough to let people in without changing myself for them.

    Hope this helps :p :)

  26. Slm says:
    Thu, 16th Feb 20121:45 am 

    When I read this I thought I wrote it for a minute. But anyways I feel exactly the same. There is nothing I can think of that is wrong. I don’t get around, I get told I’m really pretty all the time, I’m smart, ambitious, in school and working. I go out too but in college all I see is guys trying to have a girl for one night. I’ve had to turn some down who tried to get me to… But then I see some in relationships and I’m thinking “When will I get that? Where is this guy who I’ve waited so long and patiently for?” Some of my friends say I LOOK intimidating, I am strong willed and my mom tells me I’m picky. I don’t think I’m picky I just don’t want to settle for someone I’m not into. I want a a relationship and I want it with a guy that I like. One that gives me butterflies every time I get a text from him and one that I think about all the time. For some reason the guys that do fall into that category for me either end up being a jerk looking for one thing or just not interested. *Sigh*

  27. Funny says:
    Tue, 6th Mar 20128:48 am 

    Hey! Even I thought i’d just written this – it scares me how many girls out there think the same things! I stumbled upon this after googling for my own blog entry, “why am I single when I want to be in a relationship”. If you’re interested in reading my blog entry (which I wrote a few days ago because I was going through this phase questioning the same) – go ahead and read it n hopefully comment on it if it helps you:
    http://funnygypsy.blogspot.com/2012/03/why-am-i-s…

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