Recently, BeautifulPeople.com – an online dating service for, well, beautiful people – cleansed itself of its fatter members. After receiving customer complaints (from some ridiculously good looking people, I presume), the website went through and kicked out anyone with a little extra junk in their trunk.
While I’m happy I was never a member of such a shallow and douchey organization (mostly because I would have been one of the many kicked off, thanks to my love of anything frosted), this move to improve the service for members got me thinking about my own online dating experiences.
I’ve been a member of an online dating site for a year now. I have yet to find the love of my life, but I have had a few good dates… and way too many creepy interactions to count. Seriously, these sites will let anyone with a computer and $29.99 a month to join. And I mean anyone. I’d like to believe that there is someone out there for me and that taking my dating online will increase my chances of finding him, but it’s nearly impossible to stay optimistic when this guy is sending me messages daily.
So maybe BeautifulPeople.com took things a tad too far (What – only thin people can be considered beautiful??), but as long as we’re on the subject, I’ve got a few online daters of my own that should get the boot. You listening, JDate?
1. The Creepy Guys: Including (but not limited to): 55-year-old men who hit on 21-year-old girls; anyone who refers to me as “baby,” “sexy,” or “hottie” in an email; guys who send photos of their genitalia (TRUE STORY); and guys who email asking for photos of my genitalia.
2. Only-One-Pic Guy: There are two types of guys I’ll never trust: those without Facebook profiles and those with only one picture posted to their online dating profiles. Whatcha hiding, man?
3. “Sexy” Shirtless Guy: If there’s one thing worse than a guy with no pics, it’s the guy who whips out his iPhone in the bathroom and does “sexy” shirtless poses in front of the mirror. I’m looking for love here, dude, not a guy who loves his (hairy) self.
4. Foreigners: I’ve got nothing against foreign men – how can you not love a sexy accent – but I just do not understand the weirdo guys from Russia, Japan and other non-English speaking countries who email me in their native tongue. How did you find me? Why are you flirting with a girl on the other side of the world who has no idea what you’re saying? Is it considered sexy in your country for men to wear really tight pants, unbutton the top 5 buttons on their shirt and show off gaudy gold chains?
5. Looking for a Booty Call Guy: There are far cheaper and easier ways to get in a girl’s pants than a monthly membership to this site, sir. Have you ever tried a bar? And if you’re just looking for a little cyber sex, there’s an AOL chatroom with your name (or “Sexy Singles Looking To Mingle 48) on it.