Ask A Dude: Am I Intimidating?
Dear Mr. Dude,
What is going on here! I am 21 and still haven’t had a serious relationship. Granted I do move around a lot (I go to college on the other side of the country from my hometown) but still!
Many of my friends both girls and guys wonder why I don’t have a boyfriend and I can never answer. My family says its because guys are intimidated by me. What does that even mean? I mean, I think I am attractive but I highly doubt my looks scare off guys. Yes, I have a rather teasing sense of humor but most guys find it funny. And true, the university I go to does not lend itself to relationships as it leans more towards hooking up, but several of my friends have had boyfriends. Something is wrong.
Also I have a couple guys interested in me at any given point during the year but none that I ever have chemistry with. The ones I do have chemistry with seem to disappear when things get into the whole going from friends to potential relationship zone. And yes, I do give in to the whole make out sesh thing but I don’t sleep around EVER. One night stands are just too awkward for me.
So in conclusion to my long winded plea for help, what is going on in guys heads that make them, as my family would put it, “intimidated” by me? And why is it that whenever I do feel chemistry with a guy he seems to pull away at the last minute before anything could turn into a potential relationship situation?
Dear Perpetually Single,
Tough call. If you are attractive, witty, and down to have a little fun then you have all the workings of a great prospect. But sometimes the fish look bigger in the water than they do in the boat, if you know what I mean. Start by changing your mindset; stop trying to land a relationship on the first cast. Usually the fish that bites first is the hungriest. Try to pass up a few lures and wait for one that really catches your attention. Once you latch onto that one, make sure you put up a good fight. No one would even throw in a line if the fish just jumped into the boat. Let them reel you in. This will take some patience, but 21 is no time to start panicing about a relationship.
Now that I’ve taken that fishing metaphor as far as humanly possible, let’s move on. We’ve got some other fish to fry (ha! Couldn’t resist.)
Part 2 is to stop listening to your family and friends. Now, I’m not saying I know any more than someone who knows you, but I do know guys. And I know they aren’t intimidated. It is much more likely that the guys you are after (good looking, popular, like to have fun, etc…) have absolutely no interest in anything deeper than a Solo cup full of flat, cheap beer. Oh, and getting some. Try looking outside of your comfort zone; hit some new spots, without a gaggle of your besties, and mix it up with some new folks. Join a new group, sit in a different seat in lecture. Just change things up a bit. Believe me, the people you will meet outside of the parties and clubs every night are a lot more interesting than the ones by the bar.
I mean, have you ever seen Jersey Shore? I rest my case.
– El Dude-o
Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn’t include asking him out; boyfriend is taken!) Ask it: email@example.com. He won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]