Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: February Edition

Cosmo‘s February issue had a lot of usefulless information, as per usual. Get excited! This month we learn how guys truly feel about nail decals (we know you’ve all been dying to know the answer to this.) Turns out 55% think they’re too over-the-top, while 45% say they’re fun and flirty. But I’m pretty sure 100% don’t really know what nail decals are, or even notice what their ladies are rocking on their fingers.

We also learn that what you’re envious of reveals what you really want in life. But didn’t we already learn this when Laguna Beach first came out and we all felt green with envy? I don’t think it took our “where-we-sit-at-lunch-defines-our-popularity-status” high school minds and an article from Cosmo to realize that we were envious because we wanted what they had. We wanted their million dollar mansions, designer name clothing, thriving social lives, and Ste-VEN in our beds. And we especially all wanted to be asked to our proms with a fish filled pool and a lit up sign. So thanks anyway, Cosmo.

But perhaps the most informative article this month is His Bedtime Body Language, in which we learn how his sleeping position tells us all we need to know about his personality.

Cosmo Says: Facedown: This guy likes to be in control.
Arielle Says:
Or maybe he just likes to shove his face under the pillow so the afternoon sun doesn’t wake him from his slumber.

Cosmo Says: On His Back: His open posture shows that he’s secure and optimistic.
Arielle Says:
Yeah… optimistic for a blow job! Or maybe he was watching an episode of Entourage and fell asleep halfway through. Or was reading his biology assignment and fell asleep with the book on his chest. Well, actually probably not the latter, if your man is anything like mine… Either way, the analysis of this sleeping position should really just be that he will need a nose strip; he’s going to be snoring all night.

Cosmo Says: Thrashing Around: Constant movement indicates your guy is stressed.
Arielle Says:
This is probably the only one that actually holds some merit. We all thrash around when we’re stressed… and when we’ve had too much to drink and can’t get comfortable on either side because the room is spinning no matter which direction we face. He may also be thrashing around because it’s hard to find a comfortable position in a dorm-style twin bed with two people in it.

Cosmo Says: On His Side: Men who snooze this way tend to be laid-back and quick to compromise.
Arielle Says:
Or he turned away from his girlfriend because she was reading Cosmo and asking him why he doesn’t compromise even though he sleeps on his side…



  1. emily says:

    they've been re-releasing this article since i was in highschool

  2. Casey says:

    Yeah emily, I've been noticing that magazines really aren't coming up with anything new anymore. they just reprint everything over and over again.

    I thought the most ridiculous thing in this months issue was in their "99 sex tips" or whatever, when they said it turns guys on when we squeeze our lips shut so they have to force their tongue in our mouths when they kiss us.

    I'm pretty sure that's what we do when we DON'T want a guy to kiss us, so how the hell is that a turn on? It's certainly not hot just sitting there watching a guy struggle to try and kiss you.

  3. Marla says:

    Casey, I laughed for what felt like FOREVER about the tongue-forcing kiss. I just tried to imagine trying to act serious and into it while someone's trying to do that, and I don't think I could pull it off without at least looking around like "Why am I here?!"

    Also, how would a guy ever be into that? I mean really, I would imagine that it would not only be EXCEEDINGLY difficult to pull off, but once you force your tongue in what comes next? A moment of awkward silence while you congratulate yourself on a job well done? Hahaha, I'll definitely have to try that move out on my boyfriend and see what happens ;)

    I don't even have any comments for the sleep-position article… I think Arielle's interpretations pretty much sum up the ridiculousness of it all :D

  4. kp says:

    you missed the worst (best) article! the article in this issue about how women are turning their boyfriends into girly men presents gender stereotypes at their worst. i'd summarize, but i'm too sleepy to write complete sentences.

  5. […] CollegeCandy’s February edition of “Cosmo Says the Darndest Things” cracks us up on the topics of nail decals and guys’ sleeping positions. […]

  6. […] – Cosmo taught us what our guys are saying…while they’re asleep. […]

  7. Vashti says:

    This is too funny! I think Cosmo has good articles sometimes.

    But the one about girly men was wayy funny! i wish you analyzed that lol you should really follow up on that though!!!

    The tounge think is weird i agree, my boyfriend would be like what are you doing??

  8. […] comes on. You ask a guy in the room to explain what just happened. You secretly wish you had a Cosmo instead of Busch […]

  9. Erika says:

    I just liked the pictures that went with that article. you really can't complain about those :)

  10. […] Despite seeming like the Cosmopolitan of the blog world, College Candy isn’t afraid to mock the women’s tome for it’s content. This wide variety of topics and the frank women’s writing is what […]

  11. Ashley says:

    I hate this mag so much. For some reason we get them at my house; I guess my mom got one of those bundle subscriptions where you order a years worth of like 5 different types of magazines.

    I tried reading them, and they are just horrible. Ugh…

    I traded them in for the much better Curve magazine. ;D

  12. ing says:

    Arielle's last comment is golden

  13. E says:

    lol!!!!!! i love the last comment!

  14. Biplab says:

    Pat Harris My husband reecntly adopted a 1 1/2 year old mixed breed (German Shepard and Rotweiller/ Lab mix)The dog came from a young women who adopted him from an animal shelter in Oklahoma and proceeded to drive the dog to her home in New Jersey. After failing to adapt to the family and being kept out of doors the dog was offered to my husband who wanted a dog very badly. During the 1/2 ride home to Pa. the dog seemed okay, but it took over and hour to coax him out of the car. When he finally did come into the house he would not move out of the tv room to even go outside and relieve himself. The dog will not eat much and over the past few days has increased his water intake. The dog follows me everywhere and sleeps by my side of the bed. My husband who actually wanted the dog is unable to even take the dog for a walk unless I go along. We have 2 cats who seem not be be afraid of the dog, and the dog doesn’t show any signs of aggression toward them. The dog hasn’t even barked. We have had him for 4 days now, but as dog owner novices we are stumped by the amount of information online and who do we listen to.Please let me know if you have any helpful ideas or have had a similar experience. I like the dog, but am not able to walk long or far due to recent achilles tendon surgery so it is not easy for me to go on long walks, but its the only way to get the dog out of the house. Please Help!

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