I want a boyfriend. I have been single for the last four years, and although there have been opportunities for love to kindle, things just never seem to work out. I think a part of it is my fault. I am very conscious about my weight (I am full-figured). I think I am a very intelligent, funny and generous person, and I have a great circle of friends. But I don’t know how to show a guy that I have all these qualities because, frankly, most guys seem more interested in the way women look. Dude, how can I make a guy see past my weight to the person that I am inside, when looks play such a huge role in a guy’s opinion of a girl?
Single and Not Loving It
P.S. I want to add that I am not ugly, just a little overweight.
Dear Single and Not Loving It,
First things first…thank you. Thank you for bringing this up. This is such an important issue that isn’t discussed enough! I have ranted and raved about this for a decade now and I hope that someone will start to listen. So here we go!
Real men want real women! That’s the bottom line. Since when did “so thin I may shatter every bone in my body if I fall and I look like a cancer patient” become sexy? Has anyone else noticed how closely these women resemble pre-pubescent teenage girls? I have! And what does that say about the people who think that’s attractive?
And on top of looking totally ridiculous with your hips and ribs showing through your clothes, being that hungry all the time turns a nice girl into a complete bitch! I know when I skip a meal I get pretty irritated; I would likely go postal if I tried to survive on 500 to 1000 calories a day. And that may be high for some of these chicks!
Let me give you some examples and/ or inspirations:
Get the picture?
These women could all stand to have a cheesburger and cut a few workouts from the routine. And if a guy tells you he is truly attracted to women who look like this, then consider keeping any young teenage girls you know far away from him. Think about this logically for a second. Women are designed to carry a certain percentage of body fat. A womans body is designed for reproduction. A body with very little fat (or one who is skinny fat, ie. no fat or muscle to speak of) goes against Nature’s intentions for that body. Why do you think people who look like that have to resort to multiple daily workouts and eating disorders to look that way?
So to step down from my soapbox and get to my point, try to be more like the four girls above who got very positive feedback. Stay healthy, but don’t overdo it. And take pride in your curvy body and yourself. What you don’t realize is that right now guys are focusing on your weight because that’s what you’re focusing on. If you stop thinking about your size and think only about how funny and smart and beautiful you are, guys will see all of those things too. There is nothing sexier to a man than a girl with confidence – regardless of her size – so get out there and show guys all your wonderful qualities.
— The Dude (who takes meat on the bones over skin and bones any day of the week!)
[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn’t include asking him out; boyfriend is taken!) Ask it: firstname.lastname@example.org. He won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]