My TA Was a Creepster

January 23, 2010 Posted in Reality

With the start of a new quarter comes the excitement of new classes and a new schedule. And new TAs. While my friends are frantically researching classes that both fill their requirements and leave Friday open, I’m zoning out at my desk dreaming (and praying) about a tall, handsome, smart, romantic, witty discussion leader.

One that I’ve never, ever had the pleasure of having.
I have, however, encountered a creepy TA that just would not go away, which seems to be more the norm than the exception. Here is my story:

I was a cute and innocent little freshman when this all went down. The grad student, let’s call him Jeff, was TA-ing for one of my history classes winter quarter. I’m a history major and have a natural love of history and hearing my own voice, so I was basically the ONLY person that ever said anything in section. But I always felt creeped out when Jeff looked at me. Especially those few times I wasn’t saying anything at all. I could see in his face that he wasn’t looking at me as the brilliant history mind that I (thought I) was; it was obvious he was thinking things a little – ew – naughtier. Being young and naive, I brushed it off and pulled an A in the class. Probably much easier than I should have.

The very next quarter – lucky me! – he was my section leader again. Awesome. The quarter went by pretty much the same as the one before it. And again, I pulled a very easy A.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! EWWWWWWW!!”

That’s me screaming in shock and horror as I opened a Facebook email from Jeff the next fall. Yes, 3 months later. He had friend requested me and I couldn’t really say no – I mean, what if I needed a letter of recommendation in the future!? The email was short. A little hello, a little “how’s school?” and a lot of “let’s get a cup of coffee and catch up soon.” I played it off well; “I’m too busy, blah blah blah, random niceties…” I clicked send and hoped that was the end of it; I was very clearly giving this guy the brush off.

But then I would see him at the rec center (la la la, Britney on the iPod, la la la, OH SH*T, hide hide hide!!), biking on campus (riding, riding, ahhh!, swerve, look busy, don’t attract attention to yourself!), while walking into class (dive belly-down into row of seats), and pretty much everywhere in between. I did a pretty good job of dodging him – he never approached or reached out again.

Or so I thought.

Earlier this quarter Jeff emailed me again. Rather than respond nicely, I finally just blocked that creeper. Of course, the next day, as I’m trying to get in and out of the history office super fast to avoid any potential run-in, I leap into the elevator and who follows me in? JEFF!

I was stuck. I smiled at him because I thought he knew exactly who I was and it was inevitable that I was going to have to make small talk with him. But no. He said hello to me, entered the elevator, and began chatting with another woman (presumably another TA). Did he know exactly who I was? Did my new haircut and 7lb weight gain throw him off? Whatever it was, I held my breath that whole elevator ride and then RAN out of it when it got to my floor.

That was the last time I saw Jeff. For now, at least. Who knows when that creeper will show up outside my window with a boom box over his head? Luckily the whole thing is over, but the entire situation just sort of creeped me out. There’s not much for me to do in a situation like this. I guess I could complain to the department head, but Jeff didn’t technically do anything wrong. The guy was just creepy. At the same time, though, the whole TA/student relationship is a weird one. We’re not that far apart in age, meaning that it would be totally acceptable for someone like Jeff to pursue someone like me in any other situation. And equally acceptable for me to give him a very stern “Leave me alone, dude!” when I wasn’t interested. But the fact that Jeff controlled my GPA (and my future) left me without much control and got this whole thing started in the first place.

So much for my hot TA fantasy.
Maybe next semester?

So, has anyone else been put in this oh-so-awkward position?
Any happy endings to TA stories?

5076527 CommentsMy+TA+Was+a+Creepster2010-01-23+18%3A00%3A00Samantha+-+UC+Santa+Barbara on "My TA Was a Creepster"

amber says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20109:03 am

I think you are overreacting and maybe feeling guilty about your own feelings, and unable to ignore the first impression of a teacher-student dynamic. It's normal to be friends with a TA and for a guy to respect your wish to leave it at that. The TA doesn't "control" your grade, but even if he does have some influence, you probably earned it if you were as engaged as you sound. Also, It's not appropriate to ask graduate students for recommendations, but they can tell a professor what you were like in discussion and be a good connection to have for advice and help in other ways. This might be another reason you want to keep it professional, but there is a big gap between dating and mentorship which still has room for a casual friendship if you give it a chance. Grad Students are still students, they are usually not much older than you, and it's normal to date or be friends with one. I understand you are creeped out because he's older and he might have liked you, which makes things awkward, just like they would be with any guy.

On the elevator thing: he may or may not have recognized you. He may be keeping his distance after you pretty clearly showed that he makes you uncomfortable and you are uninterested. He is respecting your wishes. But next time, you should try to be open minded if there is a TA you would like to get to know better. The graduate students you meet in your department will share your interests and be able to help you alot. Try to be open minded and stay confident in determining your own boundaries.

Dia says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20109:26 am

i think its rational, ive had an experience like that

Casey says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20109:55 am

I agree with Amber, he doesn't sound all that creepy, he just sounds like a History grad student who noticed you took a lot of History classes so he assumed you were a History major and therefore you shared a common interest so he wanted to get to know you a little more. I don't know if he really had any feelings for you, but maybe hoped you two could become friends and chat about history since you both love it.

You wanna hear a real creepster teacher story? Try my 7th grade science teacher (he was OLD) who would give me candy and gifts, which included a bottle of his favorite cologne, and would ask me for hugs and kiss me on the cheek and forehead, and give me "relationship advice" which included, "If I was your boyfriend I would do anything you asked me too so I would have a better chance of getting into bed with you".

When your TA experiences get to this level, THEN you have something to worry about.

foxjacket says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201010:07 am

I think it's legit that you were creeped out by your TA, even if he didn't do creepy things at the level of Casey's teacher. That's just how you felt!

Melissa says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201010:23 am

It's very possible he was trying to recruit you for a project or possibly groom you for a position in the grad dept as well. I'm a grad student and when we see potential "talent" in our area of expertise, we try to talk to them and get them involved in independent studies and projects to further their interest and career. I can see you maybe being a little suspect with the coffee idea, but he waited an appropriate interval before approaching you. Not so creepy.

Lisa says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201011:36 am

Gotta agree with everyone else. Maybe we can't "get it" because it didn't happen to us, but honestly – seeing him everywhere? You're active in the same department (which probably has similar schedules and buildings). Running into him at the gym – everyone is entitled to work out at the gym. On the street – I see people I know on the street all the time. It sounds more like random run-ins than "he was waiting for me outside of all of my classes and hung around outside my dorm and was standing by my car."

I also agree that he may have just been trying to get you into a good job or something. If he was a real "creepy" guy, he wouldn't have "gotten" the message by you just ignoring him. Trust me – I've been stalked. They DON'T get the message. The fact he left you alone shows he was interested in you as a person, and respected you – at least from what I gather through this article.

Lisa says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201011:37 am

PS – Especially seeing him in the History elevator. Of COURSE he would follow you in. It's the department he WORKS in, he's likely to be there.

Katya says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201012:38 pm

I think he was just trying to be nice and you overreacted like everyone else.

Samantha - UC Santa says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 20101:50 pm

I think the point here is that he made me feel UNCOMFORTABLE on numerous occasions. And at my school, it is extremely common to ask a TA for a letter of rec.

rebecca says:
Sat, 23rd Jan 201010:00 pm

Take other people's opinion, Samantha.

M says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20105:08 am

*shrug* If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you should avoid them…but nothing in your description really justified being so creeped out. Maybe there's something more to it that you couldn't really get across in writing, but the way it is, I think the TA probably just found you a bit attractive (as plenty of guys probably would) and wanted to get to know you.

tissue says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20107:00 am

I think well if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you should probably trust that gut judgment to be safe. Also, UCSB is a huge school and I don't think it's that common to run into someone all the time.

Christine says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20107:19 am

I don't see anything creepy about him at all. (But, I guess I'm like Casey — I've had teachers and TAs who were MUCH creepier.) Suppose it's best to trust your judgment and avoid uncomfortable situations, but I'm still not seeing what exactly made you feel that way.

Lauren says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20101:16 pm

Many of you are saying that you don't "see" or understand why Samantha thought he was creepy, but what you aren't "seeing" is that it isn't about your perception or even his perception for that matter. It's about Samanthas perception. If she felt uncomfortable, you cannot question that. And she doesn't have to justify her reasons either. Sexual harassment, for example, (while not in this case) is not about the offender, it's about the victim. If a woman or a man feels like they've been sexual harassed, they have a right to feel uncomfortable. You can't tell someone that their feelings are wrong, even if you don't agree with them.

maddie says:
Sun, 24th Jan 20105:21 pm

I personally listen to myself whenever I get a vibe about a situation. While he wasn't stalking you or anything I think I might have been a little creeped out too. I feel like it would have been more appropriate for him to send you an actual email rather than friend you on Facebook, just because Facebook is a little too personal.

Alice says:
Mon, 25th Jan 20101:57 pm

Wow, poor guy. Not only was he completely blown off by a (seemingly) nice and non-psycho girl he finally worked up the nerve to ask out for a coffee, but he also had to endure the humiliation of seeing her duck into rows of chairs every time he saw her (no, you weren't being discreet). And now there's an article on the internet about what a "creep" he is. No wonder he ignored you in the elevator – he was probably scared shitless you were going to file a restraining order for deigning to be in the same city as you!

Annie says:
Mon, 25th Jan 20106:45 pm

I'm currently dating my TA from two years ago. Sometimes it's odd when I think he was technically my teacher. The year he was my TA was agonizing because I knew he couldn't pursue me other than "legitimate" meetings about papers and presentations. He's adorable, and I'm sorry about your creep. Yuck.

Fyndy says:
Tue, 26th Jan 20104:48 pm

Hey guys, ever hear of that little thing called "intuitation"? Maybe she was feeling something that was "off" and avoided him because of that.

Maybe she did overreact. Maybe her instinct was telling her something that her brain did not let her forget.

Don't let this bother you. Be smart and continue to listen to what you intutation is telling you.

Good luck!

kristen says:
Wed, 27th Jan 20105:15 pm

absolutely, fyndy. i mean, i can tell when a guy is giving me creepy looks. intuition shouldn't be ignored and often is correct. i can't figure out why everybody is siding with the t.a.? he e-mailed her 3 months after the class was over, so clearly he wasn't interested in talking history. plus, if he was trying to pull her into a history related group or study session of some sort, he would have put that information in the e-mail. he sounds like a creeper.

my freshman year of college i had a huge crush on my t.a. i "accidentally" bumped into him all over campus. creepy, yes. embarrassing, yes. behavior i have repeated since? thankfully, no. i wouldn't be surprised if he took some mental notes on where she was headed and showed up there, too. perhaps i am being paranoid, but it takes a former stalker to know.

amber says:
Wed, 27th Jan 20105:18 pm

you mean "intuition". Yes It's totally legit that you felt creeped out, noone's forcing you to befriend the guy. But it's not his fault you find him creepy.

Also, I just think you are misguided if you're just doing what you say is common. For example those people at SB getting rec letters from TAs are most likely not the ones ending up in the best grad programs. This is the type of thing you would maybe learn from a grad student. or an adviser, or whatever.

So yes, if you intuit sketchiness, it's definitely not a good idea to hang out with someone. You should not try to use people. But try to be open-minded next time someone acts friendly towards you. Eventually you will feel comfortable having mature relationships with other adults.

amber says:
Wed, 27th Jan 201010:27 pm

that’s sort of my point kristen. There is a reason you’re embarrassed and grad students are probably past the stage where they randomly follow cute students around. As if Grad students have so much time to waste. His life is probably so consumed with history-related work he has little else on the mind anyway. Sad, thankless life I will soon lead.

Lains says:
Thu, 28th Jan 20104:22 pm

I had an English teacher who gave me an easy A my first semester in school. I, like you, brushed it off like it was nothing. I knew it wasn't though. He let me get away with not doing a final project. I got a 100 in that class, but rarely did any work.

So, I naturally signed up for the English 2 class with him. I missed 10 classes, at 2 classes a week. In the English department here, you are only allowed to lose 3 days. He sent me an e-mail saying "you're my favorite student, so I'll let those slide." Again, he let me get away with not doing all my final project. He praised my wordplay in my compositions. He had private meetings in his office but something told me I was the only one that got those e-mails.

I saw him all over campus for the first semester of my sophomore year, and dodged him every time. Now that I am in the department, I'm in that building ALL THE TIME, and I haven't seen him since then, which was 2008. I often wonder if he did the same thing to another girl and got busted ha.

j. says:
Thu, 28th Jan 201010:28 pm

I think that even though this guy falls into the 'non-creepy' category (IMHO), it needs to be understood that there is still a potential power dynamic to consider. Samantha couldn't really say 'no' to the facebook request, and that allows one to gain personal access to someone. This could be regarded as inappropriate, and yes, there is a (small) chance that this could affect Samantha's future.

On another note, as a grad/TA myself, I've kidded my male colleagues about some of the female students who stop by for office hours. They almost always roll their eyes. All in good fun, of course.

Cara says:
Mon, 1st Feb 201012:49 am

You sound like you have some serious issues. There's a pretty big gap between asking you for coffee and "standing outside your window with a boom box over his head". Honestly, you sound like the unstable and creepy one in this situation. Running out of an elevator because he's too busy talking to another woman to notice or acknowledge you? Seriously?

zerohundred says:
Sat, 6th Feb 201011:13 pm

I don't have a TA that reminds me of this guy, but I had a classmate who was just like this. I tried to tell everyone how creepy he was, and they just didn't get it until my sister met him. Sometimes it's really difficult to convey how someone looks at your or behaves around you… I always felt like I needed to take a shower after I even saw him. There was a span of time where I didn't see him for two years, and when I met him again he gave me a candid picture he took of me in class… two years ago. CREEPY.

jeff says:
Sun, 5th Sep 20107:59 pm

get over yourself

i love the cool t.a. says:
Tue, 24th May 20112:25 am

im in love with my t.a. im sorry you were creeped. but id rather be a bit shaken then be in the posish im in. or not in……..

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