Why Am I The Dating Coach?

I often put on full makeup to give advice over cappuccino.

Last night a friend called me in a panic at 10:30. She went out with a guy, really liked him and still hadn’t heard from him three days later.

“Should I call him?” She asked.

I spent the next thirty minutes on the phone with her, giving her advice, telling her what I’d do in the situation, helping her regain her sanity. When she was finally at ease, we hung up and I returned to my (then soggy) bowl of cereal and DVR’d episode of The Bachelor.

These calls come often. My friends – single and very un-single – are constantly coming to me for relationship advice. I tend to be brutally honest in all aspects of my life (“Yes, I agree, you are being a bitch”) so people trust my opinions and know that I’ll give it to them straight. They tell me that I always seem to know the right thing to do and never judge them for their less-than-stellar choices (like my friend who made up a Facebook account to stalk the sh*t out of her new guy’s ex girlfriend. Though I did tell her that was a really bad idea…)

The only problem is that I am single. And not just between-relationships single; more like haven’t-had-a-real-relationship-in-three-years-even-though-I’m-trying single. So I have to wonder: Why are people coming to me?

It’s true – I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything, but I give really good advice. I have a lot of guy friends, which gives me a unique perspective, and I really know and understand the male mind. I have also done a lot  dating in my short time on this planet, so I know what I’m talking about. But do I? I mean, I’m. still. single. I’ve had tons of first dates, a few late night suitors and many failed attempts at relationships. My evenings are spent cuddling with Pop-Tarts and watching crappy dating shows.

How can people trust what I have to say when I have nothing to show for it?

I wouldn’t trust a 14-year-old to teach me how to drive much like I wouldn’t ask my sober mom’s advice on the best hangover remedy. So why are people coming to me? Why do people trust me to make such important decisions in their life? Why does anyone think I know what the hell I’m talking about?

And why, when my relationship advice works wonders for everyone around me, is it not doing jack sh*t for me?



    1. Asia says:

      Great article! I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm always the girl everyone comes to for advice on whatever pops up into their twisted little minds.

      I give great advice on relationships, school, whatever. Yet..I'm single…You'd think they'd want to ask someone who actually landed a guy (ring and all), instead of the perpetually single gal. Kinda like Carrie in SATC, always single, yet gives good advice (for the most part).

      Whaddup wit that?!?

    2. tissue says:

      I know what you mean!! This has happened like continually the last 3 years of my life. It makes me wonder, who do I go to for relationship advice? If I were to have any…

    3. Dia says:

      yup sounds like me so much that my friends nicknamed me HITCH and the crazy thing is ive never been in a relationship myself… oi vey

      when i was in high school i helped my friend buy an actual gemstone ring that was pricey and helped him with the size, i helped him ask her out to prom by telling him to go to dominos and get a heart shaped pizza with pepperonis that spelled prom

      i have to admit i have a really good track record,, but i really have no clue as to why im the one they turn to

    4. Katie says:

      I guess it depends on the person, ya know. People go to you because you are honest and they respect your opinion.

      Although some people tend to want more perspective then anything. They want to know that what they plan on doing is sane, logical, the right way. Of coarse when you tell them something against what they think, they'll go to someone else. Some peeps just want you to agree with them. Kinda like when someone is talking shit on some guy and you are sitting there listening some what agreeing they feel good, the second you go against them, and say they are acting shady they turn on ya.

    5. nessa says:

      I was wondering this lately as well.

      I've been single for almost two years, it's been a terrible dry spell.

      I helped my exbf land a new girl

      I helped my other really good friend get through some terrible dates and gave her advice on dating one of the athletes at our school.

      I set up my old roommate and my guy friend (they've been going strong for three months so far)

      Yet I'm single, hadn't had a date for a long time.

      My greatest fear is being alone when I'm forty with like hundred cats….Life is interesting…

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    7. Trinity James says:

      Diamonds and Rubys are my favorite gemstones, i like the color red and the sparkle of diamond.~`;

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