Ask A Dude: Help Me With My Game!

January 27, 2010 4:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships  The Dude g+ page


By The Dude

Yo Dude,

I’m just going to start this off by saying that I have no game, whatsoever.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I’m pretty shy and don’t really speak up when I want something.  If I meet a guy that is good looking or seems nice, I normally won’t go after him unless he shows some interest first.  Unfortunately, this has landed me in a rut lately and I’m finding myself in a situation that I need to take charge of.

I recently met a guy (who just so happens to be my neighbor in my apartment) and I feel like nothing is going to happen if I don’t do something first.  But the problem is I don’t know what to do!  Asking him to come over and hang out just seems silly to me yet the most logical since we live right next to each other.

Dude, can you help me with my game?  I hate putting myself out there but I want to get to know this guy!  Or any guy for that matter!

Sincerely,
Gameless

Dear Gameless,

To make the first move or, not to make the first move? That is the dilemma, one that affects a lot of guys, not just women.  Shyness is a disease (the Dude having been a victim to it) but one with a cure! And it won’t involve needles (usually). Firstly: You’ve got game. Everyone has some kind of game; the trick is getting the other person to play by your rules.

Lots of guys spend years dreaming of a self-assured warrior woman, with eyes like Lucy Lawless and lips like Jessica Alba, to jump into our laps and…okay maybe I’m digressing. The long and short of it is that a lot of men love a girl who stops playing the game and just tells him she wants to play.

The hardest part of making the first move is coming on strong but not too strong. There are tons of ways to approach the new neighbor:

Ask for a cup of sugar.
Sabotage your sink (not toilet, that’s too vital) and see if he has plumbing skills.
Bring him a “welcome to the neighborhood” fruit basket (make sure there are nectarines in it, guys love nectarines! Okay, the Dude loves nectarines).

If none of these scenarios, that porn has convinced us is the right way to make an introduction, work then there’s the simple but effective “invite him over for a specific reason” approach. Asking a guy to come over and “hang out” is a vague, non-descriptive, and to certain specimens of the male gender, sexually over toned gesture. You must come up with a reason to invite him over. The Super Bowl’s coming up – ask him if he would want to come watch it with you. Or next time you see him in the hall start up idle chit-chat about one of your favorite shows (“hey, did you see Chuck last night?”), get him to tell you what he likes to watch and invite him to come over to watch it with you. If you have a PS3 or Xbox360, buy either Arkham Asylum or Assassins Creed 2 and then he’ll never leave! OK, that last one might be a little too far, but you get the point. A little recon work might be necessary but the hardest part of a conversation is saying “hi.” Once you do that, everything else comes with it.

You don’t need to ask for baking supplies to get a guy into your place (unless you have a German Chocolate Cake due in the morning for culinary class). Find something you enjoy and can bring him into. And once you get him inside on the couch, then you can ask him about his plumbing skills…

Happy Hunting,
The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can't scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

13 Comments on "Ask A Dude: Help Me With My Game!"

  1. Laura says:
    Wed, 27th Jan 20101:07 pm 

    I really like the way that the "Dude" gives advice. I'm a female that has great insight on advice for women ages18-24. :) I think it's great to have the perspective of other people, especially those you don't know. They may have general advice that can go a long way.

  2. Francessa says:
    Thu, 28th Jan 20109:39 am 

    Stating that everyone has game is a great point. Knowing that you should work with what you got instead of saying you don't have anything is so helpful and empowering.

    Good job Dude! If I had a nectarine, I would be sending it to you.

  3. Alicia says:
    Thu, 28th Jan 201012:26 pm 

    I agree, the "Dude" gives the best advice on this site in my opinion. :D

  4. Sarah says:
    Fri, 29th Jan 201010:09 am 

    This has totally helped me with my utter lack of love life at the moment! Looking forward to college on Monday just to say 'Hi!'…

    Thanks Dude.

    And I agree with Laura, having a guys perspective gives great insight! :)

  5. Lauren H - The New S says:
    Sat, 30th Jan 201010:08 am 

    I'm totally with the dude on this one… although I might not rely on a stranger's plumbing skills, just sayin' :)

  6. theman6007 says:
    Wed, 3rd Feb 20108:14 am 

    I was recently employed at the Veterans Hospital in Houston,Tx.One of the young ladies who worked there would ask me from time to time,what was I doing this weekend,I would reply (nothing)she would ask the question in the presence of her female co-workers.I could sence her embarassment at my response.If she had invited me to dinner,my response would have been affirmative.I would suggest that you invite a person to a neutral enviroment,not his place or your place.

  7. theman6007 says:
    Wed, 3rd Feb 20108:17 am 

    I am thinking about how to master blogging techniques.

  8. Karen Savage says:
    Wed, 21st Jul 20107:06 am 

    DUDE: Love your site. It's refreshing to say the least (real life). It's nice to know guys think just like women….we all basically want the same thing…unconditional love. (It's just a matter of how opportunities present themselves and being brave enough to get out of your comfort zone…and risk making a fool of yourself).

    By the way, how on earth did you end up writing for this site? Did your inner 'sex kitten' wake up one day and say I must write/blog about male/female relationships….or did the 'dude' part (think male version of DR. RUTH) of you say…it was your 'gift' to mankind to educate the masses of women out there on men's insight into life? (Forgive me…not trying to be rude…just my attempt at lame humor).

    I love a guy who has a sense of humor and isnt afraid of discussing taboo subjects. Life is risky….jump in and enjoy the experiences…both good and bad. You might learn something new about yourself. Life is one BIG FIELD TRIP…lots of excursions, turns, and twists.

    Just curious….a Houston, Texas Fan For Life.

    K

  9. incredibly lost..... says:
    Sat, 21st Aug 20108:57 am 

    hi dude just came across you website looking for an answer…i made the mistake of getting attracted to a co-worker….to be fair it was instant….from my first day there….we hardly said a word to each other for a good few months,….and then one day he approached me about work and very very slowly we got to know each other…..a year later i finally just decided to hang out with him after work….and he seemed cool with it….after that he initiated us hanging out….emailing and very occassionally texting! he is a bit of a hard guy to read….carefree and hardly made an effort even when he was obviously trying to drop subtle hints he liked me…..anyways 4 months after we first hung out after work,…..he told a colleague he liked me…..who mentioned it to me but due to embarrasment i didnt let on i liked him to! anyways for some reason things kind of went wrong at that point and we started to distant…i dont think it was becuase he thought i dont like him back as i think he knows i do…..but for weeks he wont make any effort to contact me and sincce we have hung out but only when he is in the mood….the rest of the time i am confused what is going on with him? and working together makes it harder as he is constantly flirting with another female colleague while i am ther and we know hardly ever talk even at work? Does he no longer like me? should i speak to him about it because he seems to dismiss any attempt on my part to do so. This awkwardness between us has been going on for months? i dont really know what to do and have had enough of his mixed signals….his colleague told me he was shy and too much of a wuss to say anything to my face. could this be true?

  10. Kaedn says:
    Tue, 3rd Jan 20124:28 am 

    Great article but it didn’t have evyetrihng-I didn’t find the kitchen sink!

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    Fri, 6th Jan 20127:21 am 

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