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Sexy Time: When Sex Gets Awkward

As we all know, sex doesn’t always happen like it does in the movies (especially of the porn variety). Here are some tips to help deal when things get a little less magical and a lot more awkward.

Mr. Mute
He hasn’t made a single sound since we started – what do I do?

1. Check to see if he’s still awake. If he’s sleeping (or passed out) roll over and pretend you passed out too. This will make things way less awkward in the morning. And don’t worry – it happens to the best of us. It’s not that your signature move was so boring it put him to sleep; it’s probably due to a little too much Natty Light. If he’s awake, proceed to step two.
2. Say his name and make some noises yourself. Hopefully he’ll feel more comfortable and speak up. Still not working?
3. Bite him really hard so that he yelps in pain. If he still doesn’t make a sound, he’s probably in some sort of hypnotic trance. Pride yourself on being so amazing in bed you stunned him, then get the hell out of there lest you be blamed when he ends up in a coma.

    Bloody Mary
    Uh-oh, my period came early this month. What do I do?

    1. “I’m so glad my first time was with you!” This can work if you say it sincerely (it could be a fun way to freak out your one night stand) or if you say it jokingly to take the edge off.
    2. Clean it up. If his sheets are a mess, offer to wash them with him.
    3. Move on. Most men won’t be traumatized for life after seeing a little bit of blood, so be the two consenting adults that you are and get over it.

      Stage Fright
      He can’t get it up, help!

      1. Assure him that you’re in no rush and love just making out. Taking the pressure off might help him get into the right state of mind. Not working?
      2. Cut your losses. Pushing the situation for too long will just make him more embarrassed. Find something fun to do instead that takes his mind off things and shows him you don’t care either.
      3. “But I’m still horny!” If that’s the case, you can always ask for some oral pleasure. Most of the time (unless you skipped over #2 and he’s now crying in the fetal position) he won’t want to leave you high and dry and will be more than happy to please.

        Welcome to the Sahara
        I’m really turned on, but the juices aren’t flowing. What do I do?

        1. If you have lube, use it! There’s no shame in needing some extra moisture.
        2. No lube? Saliva works great, and it’s more fun to apply.
        3. If it still feels too dry or hurts, don’t push yourself or you’ll be sore afterward. Find some other way you can both be satisfied.

          What awkward situations have you run into? How did you deal?

            Related TopicsGuys Love lube Sex Sex Tips
            Comments

            Comments

            1. Tamara says:

              Ha, I've totally done most of these. Great advice.

            2. Bill says:

              Hooray for common sense.

            3. […] – We learned sometimes, ’sexy time’ can go a little ‘awkward turtle’ […]

            4. Name says:

              What bout premature ejaculation? One of the worst.

            5. […] – We scholarly sometimes, ’sexy time’ crapper go a lowercase ‘awkward turtle’ […]

            6. Lucy says:

              * First let us look at why men experience premature ejaculation *

              Source: (AskMen.com article)

              How Ejaculation Works

              Ejaculatory Reflex

              Men naturally climax faster than women do; it is nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species. Ejaculation occurs when the muscles on the floor of a man's pelvis constrict, releasing the sperm. Studies show that these muscles tighten earlier in men who experience premature ejaculation.

              An ‘original theory’ held that some men had more sensitive skin on the penis, hence giving them a more intense sexual sensation during intercourse and a tendency to climax faster. A lot of men, on the other hand, are capable of going the distance. The fact that some men are fully capable of marathon sex, coupled with advances in science and clinical studies that prove certain serotonin-active compounds can delay male ejaculation, now leads sexual medicine experts to believe the best approach for men to “last longer” is a combination of a better functioning serotonin system and concentration.

              Serotonin Deficiency

              In men who suffer from premature ejaculation, the neurotransmitter serotonin (5-HT) appears to be less active between the nerves in the section of the brain that controls ejaculation. Among other things, serotonin is linked to sexual activity and appetite. It is a natural body substance that transfers a signal from one neuron to another. Due to the low activity of serotonin (5-HT), this signal transfer does not occur properly in men with premature ejaculation (PE) and they have greater difficulty with climax control.

              For more info, see AskMen.com Article at http://www.Deferol.com

              DEFEROL DEFINITELY WORKS! It gives men 'the timing edge' they need to satisfy us. And we girls know, that's the secret – better sex means more sex!!!

              Have fun,

              Lucy

            7. Tomy says:

              thanks for the advices, seem to be very common that worth trying ) live sex

            8. Cinsel Bilgiler says:

              Very nice post. Thank you for sharing

            9. Jason says:

              So I have a question. I'm trying to go down on my gf soon… but I'm jus worried about what happens when she squirts :S…. I'm not talking about where it comes from and what its made of…. I'm talking about what happens to us after she ends up maybe squirting on my face? :S Like do we break for a minute so I can go wash my face…. or like do we just move on and make out or something…. because i know I wouldn't want to make out with anyone if they still had cum on their face…. :S How do I keep this from getting awkward???

              1. him says:

                most girls don't squirt.. its just something they fake in some pornos buddy

              2. annon says:

                but if she did move quick, you can usually feel when she is about to or ask her and stop for a couple of seconds while she recovers and go in for more

              3. Awesomeness says:

                Lmao that's happened to my ex bf… He consented to letting me do that though. Umm he took a minute to clean his face off, because it kind of got in his eyes a bit and stuff lol then I think we may have took a break and continued after a bit

            10. guest says:

              After a premature ejac all you can say is I win or you win lol

            11. dood says:

              sexy time >:O

            12. mememe says:

              when my va-jay-jay farts during sex, my husband says he loves it and it feels good, like he's haing sex and having his man-meat licked by small air bubbles at the same time!

              nom nom

            13. Gotti says:

              U r 1 sick bastard pauli, hehe,goddamn

            14. […] often groove to a bumpin’ beat (and usually – the louder, the better).  Think of the sexytime atmosphere as a pie with regards to “stimulation.”  There is only so much stimulation to be […]

            15. Michael says:

              I love vagina. This is great to know because I prefer to work it for a long time before penetration.

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